纯粹友谊不存在？男人更爱自作多情

Can heterosexual men and women ever be “just friends”? Daily experience suggests that non-romantic friendships between males and females are not only possible, but common. However, a new study suggests that men, relative to women, have a particularly hard time being “just friends.”

In order to investigate the viability of truly platonic opposite-sex friendships, researchers brought 88 pairs of undergraduate opposite-sex friends into...a science lab. In order to ensure honest responses, the researchers not only followed standard protocols regarding anonymity and confidentiality, but also required both friends to agree to refrain from discussing the study, even after they had left the testing facility. These friendship pairs were then separated, and each member of each pair was asked a series of questions related to his or her romantic feelings toward the friend with whom they were taking the study.

The results suggest large gender differences in how men and women experience opposite-sex friendships. Men were much more attracted to their female friends than vice versa. Men were also more likely than women to think that their opposite-sex friends were attracted to them—a clearly misguided belief.

In fact, men’s estimates of how attractive they were to their female friends had virtually nothing to do with how these women actually felt, and almost everything to do with how the men themselves felt—basically, males assumed that any romantic attraction they experienced was mutual, and were blind to the actual level of romantic interest felt by their female friends. Women, too, were blind to the mindset of their opposite-sex friends; because females generally were not attracted to their male friends, they assumed that this lack of attraction was mutual. As a result, men consistently overestimated the level of attraction felt by their female friends and women consistently underestimated the level of attraction felt by their male friends.

Men were also more willing to act on this mistakenly perceived mutual attraction. Both men and women were equally attracted to romantically involved opposite-sex friends and those who were single; “hot” friends were hot and “not” friends were not, regardless of their relationship status.

However, men and women differed in the extent to which they saw attached friends as potential romantic partners. Although men were equally as likely to desire “romantic dates” with “taken” friends as with single ones, women were sensitive to their male friends’ relationship status and uninterested in pursuing those who were already involved with someone else.

In a follow-up study, 249 adults (many of whom were married) were asked to list the positive and negative aspects of being friends with a specific member of the opposite sex. Variables related to romantic attraction (e.g., “our relationship could lead to romantic feelings”) were five times more likely to be listed as negative aspects of the friendship than as positive ones.

However, the differences between men and women appeared here as well. Males were significantly more likely than females to list romantic attraction as a benefit of opposite-sex friendships, and this discrepancy increased as men aged.

So, can men and women be “just friends?” If we all thought like women, almost certainly. But if we all thought like men, we’d probably be facing a serious overpopulation crisis.

异性恋男女之间有没有纯粹的友谊？日常经验告诉我们，男女之间纯粹的友谊不仅仅是可能的，而且还很普遍。但最新研究表明，与女性对男性的态度相比，男性更不可能把女性当作普通朋友看待。

为了研究异性之间是否存在真正纯粹的友谊，研究人员挑选了88对大学生异性朋友参加了一项科学实验。为了确保大家给出诚实的回答，研究人员不仅遵从了匿名、保密等标准试验协议，而且要求异性朋友双方避免讨论这项研究，甚至是在试验结束后。这些异性朋友被分开，研究人员会单独询问每个人是否对参加试验的另一位朋友有好感等一系列问题。

研究结果显示，男性与女性对待异性友谊的态度有很大差别。与女性对男性的态度相比，男性更容易喜欢上女性朋友。男性也更容易觉得女性朋友喜欢他们，这当然是一种错觉。

事实上，男性对异性有多喜欢自己的估计几乎和异性朋友的真实感受毫无关系，而仅与男性的自身感受有关。基本上，男性会假设自己体会到的所有浪漫吸引之情都是相互的，完全不知道异性朋友对自己到底有多大好感。女性也对男性的这种心态一无所知，因为女性通常对自己的异性朋友没有好感，她们也会假定对方也不喜欢自己。结果就是，男性一直会高估异性对自己的好感，而女性则恰恰相反。

男性也更愿意为这种误判的互相吸引付诸行动。男性与女性被异性朋友吸引时，都与对方是否单身无关，在这一点上男女并无差异。帅哥靓妹更受欢迎，而长相平平的则无人倾心，与对方的感情状况无关。

但在将“名花有主”的异性朋友视为潜在的浪漫对象的程度上，男女之间存在差别。尽管男性不管女性朋友是否单身，都期待和她的“浪漫约会”，但女性对男性朋友的感情状况非常敏感，对追求已经不再单身的男性没有兴趣。

在一次追踪研究中，研究人员要求249名成年受访者（其中很多人已婚）列出与某位异性保持友谊的优缺点。与浪漫感情有关的变数（比如，我们的友谊可能会发展为恋爱）被列为缺点的几率比列为优点大五倍。

事实上，这项调查也是男女有别。男性更可能把感情上的互相吸引列为异性友谊带来的好处，而且随着男性年龄的增大，这种差别也在增大。

因此，男女之间存在纯粹的友谊吗？如果我们都像女人那样想，答案当然是肯定的。但如果我们都像男人那样去想，那地球上就要人口大爆炸了。