不用排队 我们是印度人

I was standing in line at the McDonald's in Delhi's Vasant Vihar one day last week. It wasn't lunchtime yet so there wasn't a crowd. I stood at one of the counters, behind a woman who was being served, and waited. A minute later, two young ladies came in. As I watched, they nonchalantly came and stood in line in front of me. When I politely but firmly pointed out that I was in line, they first seemed surprised that I would have the bad manners to bring this up. Then, seeing the smoke emanating from my ears, they quickly apologized and went to stand at the back.

上周的一天，我来到德里市瓦桑比哈区(Vasant Vihar)的一家麦当劳(McDonald's)。当时不到午餐时间，店里还没什么人。我站在一个柜台前等待，排在我前面的女士正在点餐。一分钟后，两位年轻的女士走进店里。在我的眼皮底下，她们若无其事地站到我前面。当我礼貌而坚决地告诉她们我正在排队时，她们一开始显得很惊讶，好像倒是我提出这件事很不礼貌似的；但马上，见我一副怒不可遏的样子，两人赶忙道歉，排到了我后面。

This is not the first time this has happened and I'm sure it won't be the last. In India, I've had people butt in front of me in lines at stores, banks, hospitals, and airports. OK, so I may look like a patsy but I'm sure I'm not the only one who has experienced this. Most people also drive in this same way; instead of driving in lanes, we are constantly trying to edge ahead of the car in front. Why is it that so many Indians try to jump the queue?

这已不是我第一次遭遇这样的情况──而我也很确定这绝不会是最后一次。无论在印度的商店、银行、医院还是机场，我都有过排队时遭人插队的经历。好吧，也许我看上去是个挺容易欺负的人，但我相信自己绝不是唯一有过这种经历的人。大多数人也以同样的方式开车──我们总是想抢到前一辆车的前面，而不是老老实实行驶在自己的车道里。问题是，为什么有这么多印度人都在想方设法插队呢？

We live in a hugely-populated, resource-constrained country. As a result of that, two things may be happening. One is that we've stood in so many queues during our lives, we're tired of standing in queues and we just don't want to do it anymore. The other is that we've seen that if we wait patiently in a queue, by the time our turn comes up, the item is sold out. Have you heard the saying, 'Good things come to those who wait'? Not here, you haven't. In this environment, he who hesitates is lost for sure. With 1.2 billion people eyeing the same McAloo Tikki, we can't afford to stand in line.

我们生活在一个人口庞大而资源紧张的国家，正因于此，有两件事总有可能会发生：其一，在我们的生活中，我们已经排了不计其数的队，我们厌倦排队，我们只是不想再这样排下去；其二，我们见到过，假如我们耐心排队，在轮到我们之前，我们要买的东西就已经售罄。好事属于那些愿意等待的人──你听说过这句话吗？也许吧，但绝不是在这里。在这里，谁犹豫不决谁就将百分之百地失败。想想看，当12亿人都在盯着同一份McAloo Tikki汉堡包时，还要按顺序排队？我们可承受不起。

It could also be because our society is very hierarchical. We intrinsically believe in inequality. Thomas Friedman may have hallucinations of a flat world but ours is vertical based on money, influence, education, caste, skin color, and the list goes on. We've all had the experience of waiting in a long line and seeing someone ushered through before us; no doubt a friend of the DM, GM, or PM. 'First come, first served' has little meaning here. It's more like 'VIP come, VIP served.' If I'm more important than you, why should I stand in line behind you? My time is more precious and my needs more valid. Surely I deserve it faster, and more of it too.

这种现象可能也归因于我们社会中很强的等级观念──因为我们笃信，人与人并不平等。或许托马斯・弗里德曼(Thomas Friedman)会幻想世界是平的，但我们的社会却按财富、权势、教育、地位、肤色等要素把人分作三六九等。我们都有过这样的经历：我们排着长长的队等待，却看到一些人先于我们得到服务──毫无疑问，这个人肯定是区域经理或是总经理的朋友，搞不好还是总理的朋友。“先到先得”的理论在这里可不大好使。这里的情况，更像是“大人物到，大人物得”。想想看，如果我比你更有权势，凭什么我要站在你后面排队？我的时间更宝贵，我的需求也更有说服力，我当然应该先得──而且得到更多。

But what happens to those of us who are not VIPs, or even IPs? Maybe we are just Ps. Then the trick is to pretend we're more important than the other guys. Berkeley professor Cameron Anderson suggests that 'overconfidence provides adaptive social benefits' such as 'higher peer-perceptions of ability and elevated social status.' More simply put, in the immortal words of some modern philosopher, 'If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull─-.' If you look important, you may get away with jumping the queue most of the time.

但假如我们既不是达官贵人，也谈不上有什么权势，而只是最普通的人，我们又该怎么办？有个诀窍是，让我们看上去显得比其他人更重要。来自加州大学伯克利分校(University of California, Berkeley)的教授卡梅隆・安德森(Cameron Anderson)表示，妄自尊大可以带来与其相应的社会收益，比如自认为有更强的能力才干和更高的社会地位。借用某些当代哲学家的箴言，简单地说就是：“如果你无法用才能说服别人，就用废话迷惑别人吧。”假如你看上去位高权重，那么当你插队时，你一般都能成功。

A story I recently heard captures this well. In a busy airport, an airline check-in agent was trying to help a long queue of passengers. An important-looking man marched straight up to the counter and demanded to be served immediately because he had a flight to catch. The agent politely told him that all the people in line were waiting for the same flight so if he'd kindly stand in the queue, she'd be happy to help him. Angry, he asked her, 'Do you know who I am?!' The agent looked at him, then switched on the intercom and made an announcement: 'I have a gentleman here at the counter who does not know who he is. Could someone please help him?' This received roars of laughter from the passengers waiting in line. The man was furious and said to the agent through clenched teeth: 'F─ you!' She sweetly replied, 'You'll have to stand in line for that, too.'

我最近听到的一个段子是个不错的例子：在一座繁忙的机场，一位航班检票员正在为排成长队的乘客提供服务。一名看上去颇有地位的男子大步流星直奔柜台，要求立刻为他提供服务，因为他要赶一趟航班。女检票员礼貌地告诉他，所有排队的人都在等候同一趟航班，如果他回去排队，她将很乐意帮助他。男子听后很恼火地问，“你知道我是谁吗？！”检票员看看他，随后接通对讲机，发布了一则通告，“这边柜台有一位先生，他搞不清楚自己是谁，哪位能过来帮他一下吗？”一席话引来排队人群中的一阵大笑。男子恼羞成怒，咬牙切齿，嘴里蹦出F开头的四字经。检票员笑着答道，“这件事，您也要排队。”

Unfortunately, in India such egalitarian airline agents are mostly only found in joke, legend, and song. Often the self-important person gets away with it and for this, the service providers must also take the blame. I've had several experiences where store clerks have ignored the person standing in line in front of me and tried to serve me first, because I assume I looked higher up on the pecking order. I've had to again politely but firmly point out that they were in line before me.

遗憾的是，在印度，像这样奉行平等原则的检票员大多只出现在玩笑、传说和歌曲当中。多数情况下，妄自尊大的人总能获得成功──而提供服务的人也必须为此承担责任。我曾在商店里有过几次这样的经历──大概因为我看上去显得社会地位更高，店员并未理睬排在我身前的顾客，而打算先为我服务。我不得不再次礼貌而坚决地指出来，那些顾客排在我的前面。

Let's face it: In India, jumping the queue can indeed be a useful survival skill. However, as India's population continues to grow and resources become even more scarce, our ability to stand in a queue to await our turn whether on foot waiting for water, in a store waiting for service, or in a car waiting for the green light will not just grease the wheels of social interaction, it will allow products and services and traffic to flow more efficiently.

我们不得不承认，在印度，插队确实可以成为一项有用的生存技能。然而，在如今印度人口持续增长而资源越显紧缺的情况下，如果我们都能按顺序排队等待轮到自己──无论是站着排队接水，在商店等待服务还是在车里等候绿灯──将不仅能让社会互动顺利进行，还能使产品、服务和交通的流动更有效率。

It could also prevent queue rage, road rage, and one day, perhaps, even riots in the street. But we'll only consider standing in line if we see that there is some value in it. We need to see VIPs doing it, consistently and proudly, and taking only what is their due at their turn. And we need to see that by doing it ourselves, we'll receive our due at our turn whether that's a place in school, a job, a hospital bed, an airline ticket, or a burger.

这种习惯也可以预防排队和道路交通中暴躁情绪的滋生，甚或有一天，它还能让街上的骚乱销声匿迹。我们会考虑自觉排队，但只有当我们看到蕴含其中的价值时我们才会这样做。我们需要看到那些达官贵人只有通过排队才能得到他们应得的东西，看到他们坚持不懈而自豪地这样做。我们也同样需要这样，等待轮到自己的那一刻──无论是为一个入学资格，一份工作，一个医院床位，一张机票，还是为一个汉堡包。