幸福生活靠经营:10个实用的情感小贴士

Having recently celebrated our first wedding anniversary, I wanted to learn how my husband and I could help immunize ourselves from future strains and stresses on our marriage. Since we inherit most of our conceptions of marriage from our families, peers and social groups, I was drawn to Tara Parker-Pope's scientific exploration of relationships in For Better: The Science of a Good Marriage. After her 17-year marriage ended, the New York Times Well Blog columnist Parker-Pope sought an objective, fact-based understanding of what went wrong in her own relationship. Whether you think of your significant other as your soul mate, life partner, husband or wife, Parker-Pope offers insights to help you strengthen your most profound relationship in life.

最近我和丈夫刚刚庆祝了第一个结婚周年纪念日，我想学习一下我们如何才能避免未来婚姻中的磕磕绊绊。由于我们大多数有关婚姻的观点都继承自我们家人、同辈朋友和社会群体，因此当我最近读到塔拉·帕克·蒲伯的《期待更好：幸福婚姻的科学》一书时，我被书中对婚姻关系的科学探索所吸引。在结束了17年的婚姻之后，这位《纽约时报》的博客专栏作家开始寻找对于自身恋爱关系中的问题的客观有事实根据的理解。不论你对你的灵魂伴侣、生活搭档还是丈夫或妻子，这些重要的另一半怎么看，帕克·蒲伯所提供的深刻见解都能帮助你增强生活中最深远的那层关系。

If you are in a new and thriving marriage, a fulfilling partnership of many years, or evaluating whether you want to take the next step, Parker-Pope's tips from "For Better" will help you maintain, booster or rekindle the relationship bliss:

不论你是正享受甜蜜的新婚，还是经营了多年的幸福婚姻，抑或正在盘算是否要进行下一步，那么帕克·蒲伯在本书中提供的小贴士会帮助你维持、增进或者重新点燃你的幸福爱情。

1.Celebrate the small stuff.

1.庆祝点滴小事。

"It's not enough that your partner knows that you take pride in her or her accomplishments. You have to show it. Making a fuss over the small, good things that happen every day can boost the health of your marriage."

“如果你的伴侣只知道你为她或者她的才能而骄傲，这还不够。你必须将此表现出来。多挖掘每天发生的微小的美好的事情，这会促进婚姻的健康发展。”

2.Learn how to fight productively.

2.学会如何有效地争吵。

"The key to fighting productively is to recognize when a disagreement is going in the wrong direction and to take steps to calm things down and repair rifts."

“有效争吵的关键在于，认识到争论是在何时偏离了方向，并且采取措施让事情平静下来并修复分歧。”

3.Silence is not golden.

3.沉默并非是金。

"By staying quiet and avoiding conflict when things bothered them, they had missed important opportunities to cultivate and grow their relationship."

“如果出现困扰时仍保持安静、避免冲突，那么他们就失去了滋养感情和增进感情的重要机会。”

4.Don't put negative thoughts into the universe.

4.不要总是有消极想法。

"Men and women who had pondered thoughts of divorce in 1980 were nine times more likely to have gotten divorced by the end of the study."

“在1980年开始的一项研究中，曾有过离婚想法的男女，到研究结束时离婚的可能性是其他人的9倍。”

5.Plan together.

5.一起计划。

"Couples who planned a baby's arrival or who were equally joyous at becoming parents were far more likely to maintain their marital happiness or even enjoy an increase after the baby was born."

“计划生育宝宝或是同样满足于为人父母的夫妻更易保持婚姻幸福，有的在宝宝出生后婚姻幸福感得到了提升。”

6.Maintain a circle of friends and support.

6.维持朋友圈和给予支持。

"Strong friendships outside the marriage can take the pressure off your relationship, help you work things out away from your spouse, and ultimately protect your marriage from unnecessary stress and discord."

“婚姻之外牢固的友谊能减轻你因爱情所承受的压力，帮助你在不依靠伴侣的情况下解决问题，最终保护你的婚姻免受不必要的压力与不和。”

7.Overcompensate for mistakes.

7.过度补偿错误。

"Do marriage math. Even when you make a mistake, tell yourself that you're going to do at least five positive things for your spouse to make up for it, and then do them. And don't wait until you bicker to turn on the charm. Nice gestures and comments go far in a marriage, they are easy to do, and they will help insulate your marriage from being damaged by the inevitable bad days."

“做一下这道关于婚姻的数学题。当你犯了错误，告诉自己你要对伴侣做至少5件积极的事情来补偿，然后照做。不要等到你们发生了口角才来展现你的魅力。优美的姿态和言语在婚姻中十分奏效，这很容易做到，它们还有助于使你的婚姻免遭不可避免的坏情绪日子的侵害。”

8.Set the marriage bar high.

8.设高婚姻的门槛。

"Husbands and wives who hold their partners to a reasonably high standard have better marriages. If you expect a better, more satisfying relationship, you improve your chances of having one."

“将伴侣的档次提升到合理高度的夫妻会有更幸福的婚姻。如果你期望有一段更美好、更令自己满意的婚姻关系，那么你就要提升拥有它的可能性。”

9.Give it a break.

9.给婚姻适当的空间。

"Sometimes, improving your marriage means giving it a break. Increasing your connections with family, friends and society is good for your marriage."

“有时候，改善婚姻质量意味着给它一些空间。增加你跟家人、朋友和社会的联系对婚姻有好处。”

10.Be aware of your body language.

10.注意你的肢体语言。

"Eye rolling is a painfully obvious sign of contempt, and it's a powerful predictor that your relationship is in serious trouble."

“转眼珠的动作非常明显地表现出了蔑视，这强有力地预示了你的婚姻关系陷入了大麻烦。”