美国观光:不要去拉斯维加斯的5个理由

Email from Jetblue advertising reduced rates on flights, and the roundtrip fare from Portland to Las Vegas was outstandingly low. "That could be fun," I thought. Oh, how wrong I was.

捷蓝航空发来的广告邮件里说机票有折扣，从波特兰到拉斯维加斯的往返机票价格已经低到了极致。“去那里玩玩应该很有意思吧，” 我想。然而事实证明，我错了。

After spending a week in Las Vegas, I can say without a doubt that I'd rather rub fiberglass in my eyes than set foot on the strip again. There are several reasons for this.

在拉斯维加斯待了一周之后，我想说我真是瞎了眼才会到这种地方来旅游。下面我就来说说原因。

1.Everything in Las Vegas is Fake

1.拉斯维加斯的一切都是假的

Vegas is structured like a theme park, if the theme was "disgusting." It's like walking around Disneyland, only all the wholesome, beloved Disney mascots have been transformed into drunk sluts and bros drenched in Axe body spray.

拉斯维加斯的结构就好像一个主题公园，而这个主题是“恶心”。在这里就好像走在迪斯尼乐园里，只不过迪斯尼那些可爱的玩偶都变成了混合着浓浓香水味的醉鬼们。

All the big casinos and attractions areconsolidated to one stretch of land, and after a mile or two it just ends. One afternoon I walked all the way down Las Vegas Boulevard, and after a few miles I found myself smack dab in the middle of nothing. A tumbleweed rolled by my feet and I was reminded that I was in the middle of the desert. Behind me, the strip shimmered like an oasis, except it's the opposite of an oasis, where instead of water and camels they have Jose Cuervo and staph infections.

所有大型的赌场和景点都被聚集在一块地方，走不到一两英里就到了尽头。一天下午我沿着拉斯维加斯大道走着，还没走几英里就发现四周已经一片荒芜。一丛风滚草擦过我的脚边，提醒我已经置身于沙漠之中。在我身后一片光芒闪过，仿佛是绿洲。而和绿洲不同的是，这里没有水和骆驼，取而代之的是金快活龙舌兰和葡萄球菌传染病。

2.Vegas is Geographically Confusing

2.拉斯维加斯让人找不着北

The strip is crowded, and I have a shitty sense of direction as it is. There are dozens of pedestrian walkways and overpasses, so it was impossible for me to walk down the strip without getting lost. To make matters worse, many of the large casinos are connected by meandering strip malls full of expensive boutiques, like some glitzy Underground Railroad.

这是一个拥挤的城市，而且我的方向感也不好。这里有许多人行通道和过街天桥，所以我想要不迷路地走遍全城是不可能的。更糟糕的是，很多大型赌场之间都曲折分布着零售商店，而且价格不菲，看起来好像让人眼花缭乱的地铁。

I lose my way so easily and it's always frustrating. I remember watching Labyrinth as a kid, and even that experience was mildly exhausting for me. I just wanted Jennifer Connelly to find her goddamned way and save me the two hours of dancing puppets. Las Vegas was a pretty similar experience.

我总是很容易就迷路，这的确让人抓狂。这让我想起小时候看的电影《魔幻迷宫》，光是看着就已经让我筋疲力尽了。我只是希望珍妮佛-康纳利能找到她那条该死的路来拯救我这两个小时的提心吊胆。而在拉斯维加斯的迷路经历正是如此。

3.Everyone is Trying to Sell You Something

3.所有人都试图向你兜售点什么

If you somehow manage to keep your bearings while maneuvering the strip, you'll still be harassed by a constant barrage of salesmen, amateur musicians, and "entrepreneurs." Dudes are trying to sell you club passes or mixtapes they burned on their laptops, or handing out cards advertising hookers social companions at discounted rates.

如果你想逛街又想捂住荷包，那么街头一个接一个出现的小贩、业余演奏家和“商人们”会让你不堪其扰。他们会向你推销俱乐部门票、自制音乐合辑，或者派发印有廉价色情服务广告的卡片。

The folks handing out the ho trading cards are by far the worst distraction in Vegas, because there seem to be hundreds of them. They abjectly flap these cards in your face featuring ladies who will apparently show up to your hotel room for a nominal fee and entertain you. With trashy names and stars arbitrarily covering up their naughty bits, they glare forth like super sexy Pokemon. Take your pick.

那些派发色情服务广告小卡片的家伙是拉斯维加斯最让人讨厌的，因为他们的队伍看上去有好几百人。他们会把那些小卡片扔到你的脸上，卡片上印着那种会出现在你酒店房间，收取费用然后提供特殊服务的女郎形象。她们用一些大众化的名字，干着龌龊的勾当，像小丑一样搔首弄姿，等待着你来挑选。

Ironically, the dudes selling their homemade rap albums on CDR's mostly ignored me, figuring I wouldn't be interested. Joke's on them, because if there's one thing I would have shelled out cash for it's poorly recorded homebrew hip hop.

讽刺的是，那些卖自制说唱乐CD的家伙几乎都无视我的存在，好像他们认定我对这个没有兴趣。可事实上如果还有什么能让我掏钱来买的话，应该就是这些简陋的自制嘻哈音乐CD了。

4.Everything Being Sold is Outrageously Expensive

4.所有东西都贵的离谱

I wouldn't be suckered into $45 club passes or crazy-hot, totally disease-free hookers, but I wasn't able to starve myself for a week in protest of exorbitant food costs. After a few days of eighteen dollar spicy tuna rolls and $24 scrambled eggs, I decided to try my luck at my hotel's buffet. I figured I'd have a more satisfying meal when more options were present, but after a twenty dollar entrance fee I was met with stale bagels and cold pancakes.

那些45美元的俱乐部门票和火辣健康的应召女郎对我毫无吸引力，但我却不能因为饭菜贵的离谱就让自己活活饿一个星期。吃了几天18美元的香辣吞拿鱼卷和24美元的炒鸡蛋，我决定去酒店的自助餐厅试试运气。我想那里既然有更多选择，我的胃口应该会更加满足。然而花了20美元，我只吃到了不新鲜的百吉饼和已经冷掉的薄煎饼。

I normally take umbrage with buffets and I should've trusted my gut this time and steered clear. I'm a man of few convictions, but buffets just seem crass to me when people are starving in other countries. I think about it this way: if Americans learned there was a country somewhere where people paid a modest fee to browse through a buffet of Apple products, we'd all lose our shit over the profound injustice.

通常来讲我对自助餐都不怎么感冒。这一次我本不该相信自己的胃口。我一般很少随便下定论，但当你在别的国家挨饿的时候，自助餐看上去似乎是个好的选择。我是这样想的：如果美国人发现有这么一个国家，人们花很少的钱就可以随意挑选苹果的电子产品，这是多么的不公平啊。

I finished my old crusty bagel on principle, because I care about Africa.

我还是很守规矩地吃完了那个不新鲜而且硬邦邦的百吉饼，因为我关心非洲人民的疾苦。

5.Las Vegas is an Awful Representation of America

5.拉斯维加斯是美国糟糕的象征

...or perhaps it's the purest representation of America. It depends on who you talk to. I prefer to have faith in the American Dream, and pray that Vegas isn't it. Wandering around the strip, it struck me how many different languages I was hearing. I'm not one to criticize someone else's choice in vacation destination, but if you come to the US and Las Vegas is the one place you visit, I'm concerned about what impression you'll take away about America.

或者，也许可以说拉斯维加斯是美国最纯粹的象征。这取决于你会跟谁聊天。我更愿意相信美国梦的存在，并且祈祷拉斯维加斯不属于这个梦。在这里随处逛逛，你会听到许多不同的语言。我不愿意对他人选择的度假地做出批评，但如果你来了美国，而且拉斯维加斯是你的目的地之一，我很担心它会让你对美国留下什么样的印象。