A reader in Florida, apparentlybruised(擦伤)by some personal experience, writes in to complain, "If I steal a nickel's worth of merchandise, I am a thief and punished; but if I steal the love of another's wife, I am free."
This is a prevalentmisconception(误解,错觉)in many people's minds---that love, like merchandise, can be "stolen". Numerous states, in fact, have enacted laws allowing damages for "alienation of affections".
But love is not a commodity; the real thing cannot be bought, sold, traded or stolen. It is an act of the will, a turning of the emotions, a change in the climate of the personality.
When a husband or wife is "stolen" by another person, that husband or wife was already ripe for the stealing, was already predisposed toward a new partner. The "lovebandit(强盗,土匪)" was only taking what was waiting to be taken, what wanted to be taken.
We tend to treat persons like goods. We even speak of the children "belonging" to their parents. But nobody "belongs" to anyone else. Each person belongs to himself, and to God. Children are entrusted to their parents, and if their parents do not treat them properly, the state has a right to remove them from their parents' trusteeship.
Most of us, when young, had the experience of a sweetheart being taken from us by somebody more attractive and more appealing. At the time, we may have resented this intruder---but as we grew older, we recognized that the sweetheart had never been ours to begin with. It was not the intruder that "caused" the break, but the lack of a real relationship.
On the surface, many marriages seem to break up because of a "third party". This is, however, a psychological illusion. The other woman or the other man merely serves as a pretext for dissolving or a marriage that had already lost its essential integrity.
Nothing is more futile and more self-defeating than the bitterness of spurned love, the vengeful feeling that someone else has "come between" oneself and a beloved. This is always a distortion of reality, for people are not the captives or victims of others---they are free agents, working out their own destinies for good or for ill.
But the rejected lover or mate cannot afford to believe that his beloved has freely turned away from him--- and so he ascribes sinister or magical properties to the interloper. He calls him a hypnotist or a thief or a home-breaker. In the vast majority of cases, however, when a home is broken, the breaking has begun long before any "third party" has appeared on the scene.
锻炼消除你的消极思想Practice Ignoring Your Negative Thoughts
专心地忧伤ClearYourMentalSpace
被束缚的驴子The Bonded Donkey
水调歌头Thinking of You
每周后悔两小时:人生最后悔的20件事
有那么一天Sometimes The Day Comes
成功的8个秘笈Eight Things Leading to Success
阳光总在风雨后Things Change
崭新的一天A New Day
彼特拉克抒情诗——《吸引我的眼睛》
我的世界观The World as I See It
品味感恩名言:感恩为你开启充实生活之门
献给20几岁正在迷茫的人:时间已经不多了
语言的力量可能改变你一生的10句话
让昨日随风Letting Go of Yesterday
美文赏析:面朝大海春暖花开
我有一个梦想:如何在10分钟内发现你的人生目标
哲理:五件值得承认的事情5 Things Worth Admitting To
美文赏析:面朝大海,春暖花开
一人一世界,且行且珍惜
请记住!你是与众不同的
汉诗英译:李清照 春残Late Spring
桥的那一边On the Other Side
突然的改变A Change in Lifestyle
当我俩分手时When We Two Parted
时不我待,珍惜现在Stop Waiting
双语美文:来自内心的礼物
27年人生教会我的事:27条励志的人生感言
汉诗英译:黄淮《墙头草》
生命很短生活很长:人人都该知道的十大人生哲学
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