如何跟你讨厌的人打交道

人一辈子，总归要碰到一些讨厌的人，可能是烦人的上司、爱拍马屁的粉丝、没主见的同事、难缠的客户、没教养的亲戚、或者任何人。这时你该怎么做呢？是扭头就走、避而远之？还是硬着头皮，得过且过？

1. Listen。

第一招：倾听

A lot of conflicts are based in misunderstandings, so always make sure you’re getting everything, It can be easy enough to tune someone out when they annoy you; the trick is to use careful questioning to focus the other person on the topic at hand so they give you what you need and avoid straying too far. Poor listening leads to misunderstandings that need clarification – which means more time spent with someone you’d really rather not be around。

许多冲突都源自误会，所以，请先确认你领会了对方的意思。在碰到烦人的家伙时，不予理会并不是件难事，不过这里有个诀窍：提问的时候要有的放矢，以获得所需的讯息，使谈话步上正轨，而不是被扯远了去。倾听不力导致的直接后果就是误会重重，为了消除这些误会，你需要花费更多的时间在澄清事实上，也就意味着会有更多与“极品们”共处的时间。

2. Repeat everything。

第二招：复述

Besides the tendency to tune out people you’d rather avoid, our feelings about another person can color our perception of what they’re saying. To avoid this, repeat back any instructions, questions, or other problems they pose to you to make sure you absolutely understand what they’re saying. Give them a chance to correct you before you go off half-cocked, sure you know what “that kind of person” wants。

当不得不和讨厌的人共事时，除去那种“不由自主地就想忽略Ta”的感觉以外，我们的主观感觉也在左右着我们对对方语义的认知。为了避免这种情况，请在听到对方的指示、提问或其它任何抛给你的任务时，先把它重复一遍，以确定你已正确领会了对方的意思。在你一知半解地进行工作以前，先给他们一个纠正误解的机会——这样就可以避免自己出糗了(你很清楚的，他们最爱看你出糗了哦)。

3. Keep your cool。

第三招：保持冷静

It’s tempting to want to argue with people who rub you the wrong way, or to lose it and start pointing out their faults. Don’t do that! Unless they’re wrong about something that directly and materially affects you, don’t bother – starting a debate or, worse, an argument will only prolong your agony – and neither of you is likely to change your mind. Save the debates for when you’re with friends whose opinions matter to you。

是的，我知道，你有时候总忍不住想和那个冒犯了你的人争执一番，或是干脆爆发出来，一一历数对方的错误。别！除非他们做了什么直接有损你名誉和利益的事，否则，就让它一边儿去吧。争执和吵闹只会增加你的痛苦——并且，也不会改变你们任何一方的想法。想评理的话，找朋友说去吧，他们的意见才重要。

4. Be clear about boundaries。

第四招：界限分明

You don’t have to be friends with everyone. Which means you don’t have to do favors for everyone who asks. If someone’s encroaching on your time, simply tell them, “I’m sure this is important to you but it simply isn’t a priority for me right now. I really need to work on x and not y。” Again, there’s no need to be mean, just redirect the conversations whenever conversation drifts into areas that aren’t relevant and where you know you’ll be annoyed。

你不需要和每个人都成为朋友。这就意味着：你没必要取悦每一个人。假如有人想占用你的时间，直接告诉ta：“我知道这事儿对您来说很重要，但是现在我还有别的本职的事儿要做。” 并不是教你变得冷漠无情，我的意思是：每当话题扯远了、或是即将触碰到你底线的这种时候，灵活地再把它扯回来就行。

5. Fight fire with ice。

第五招：及时灭火

The worst thing you can do with an angry or irrational person is engage him or her. In the heat of aggression, any word or action interpreted as aggressive in response will only trigger more aggression – and most of the item, if someone is upset and railing about it, every word and action will be read as aggression. As hard as it might seem to do, the best thing is to sit quietly and let them spend themselves ranting and raving, and then ask if they’d like to schedule a time to discuss the matter more calmly and return to whatever you were doing. If this sets off another round of yelling, simply wait it out and repeat。

面对一个怒发冲冠的人，“和他计较”是最糟糕的做法。在这种时候，任何不当的言行都很可能会火上浇油——即使是正常的举止，在愤怒的人眼中也会被误读。遇到这种情况，最好的办法是安静地坐下来，等他们宣泄完怒气，然后问道：“您愿意先冷静一下，然后挑个时间，让我们来讨论一下XX问题吗？”假如你话音刚落，对方又开始大发雷霆——没关系，保持淡定，再试一次。

6. Close the door。

第六招：拒绝干扰

While you may have to interact with people you don’t care for in any number of situations, remember that your time is your own and don’t let other people, especially ones you’d rather not interact with, take control of your time. Communication outside of the narrow band needed to fulfill both of your objectives should be minimized – which often means forcefully limiting such talk. Make it clear when you are unavailable, and make yourself unavailable as often as possible. If you have the power, require that your partner make an appointment, and gently reject any effort to discuss your work or projects outside of that scheduled time. People – even annoying people – tend to respect the time of people who make a clear showing that they take their own time very seriously。

当你不得不和讨厌的人共事时，记住：时间是自己的，别让任何人掌控，尤其是那些你讨厌的。唠家常之类的闲聊要严格杜绝。没空聊就是没空聊——让自己尽可能地保持“没空”状态吧。有可能的话，和对方事先约好谈话时间，并礼貌地拒绝任何“计划外”的干扰。每个人(极品们也不例外)都会尊重认真计划时间的人。

7. You’re valuable. Remember it。

第七招：你是有价值的，记住这点。

If you’ve found yourself in a position where you are obligated for some reason to spend time with someone you dislike, remember that most likely, they are in the same position – and it’s you they dislike. But you wouldn’t be in that situation if you didn’t provide something of value – whether that’s a work skill or talent, specialized knowledge, even things as abstract as emotional support or solidarity. You have a mission, so to speak, and everything that distracts you from that mission reduces your value。

当你不得不和讨厌的人打交道时，没关系，记住——人家也有同样的感觉，因为讨厌是相互的。但要记住：如果你之前没体现出自己的价值，你就连这打交道的机会都得不到。不管这价值指的是某种工作技能、天份、专业知识、抑或是抽象的情感支持、或凝聚力等。你是具有使命的。任何阻挠你完成使命的事物，都会降低你的价值。

People that are annoying, difficult, selfish, boring, or otherwise a chore to deal with are that way for reasons that have nothing to do with you – it’s not your job to fix, engage with, or indulge those tendencies. Don’t worry abut figuring them out or correcting them, worry instead about how you’re going to manage their annoyances without letting it hinder your ability to achieve your own goals. What is your place is to take the control the other person has clearly relinquished, and making sure you get out of the contact what you need. The tips above will help。

无论有的人多么讨厌、难以相处、自私、无趣、或难缠，让他们去，这些都与你无关。你的职责不是去改变别人的缺点，相反，你该考虑的是：如何在从容应对这些烦恼的同时，不影响自己目标的达成。你该做的，是把握住对方已经放弃的控制权，保证自己能从这样不算愉快的接触中得取所需。相信以上几招会对你有帮助。