探究情侣分手的三大深层原因

Based on the intrinsic complexity of personal feelings, there are an endless number of reasons why relationships fail. However, I believe there are 3 primary factors that form the basis for which every other problem stems. When a relationship turns sour you can be sure that at least 1 of these 3 factors is to blame.

基于每个人感受天生的复杂性，有无数的原因会导致情侣分手。然而，我认为有3条主要的因素是导致其他所有问题的根源。如果一段感情开始变坏，那么可以肯定这3条因素里面至少有一条是罪魁祸首。

1. Do I really like her, or just her gestures? – Everyone loves attention. When a member of the opposite sex goes out of their way to make you aware of it, it feels good. If they repeat the action a few more times and you return the favor, a shallow relationship forms. The true measure of compatibility occurs shortly there after. Once the initial excitement of this attention wears thin, what are you left with? Do you really like who this person is, or did you just enjoy their gestures? On occasion people you like will take actions you dislike. Likewise, people you dislike will get your attention by taking actions you do like. It’s important to understand both sides and be capable of distinguishing between the two.

我真的喜欢她这个人？还是说你只是喜欢她表现出的姿态？——每个人都喜欢受人瞩目。如果一大堆异性特意地去引起你的注意，你会感到很棒。如果他（她）们这样再来几次，而你也给以相应的回报，那么一段浅层的感情就建立起来了。而能否和睦相处的真正考验在不久后就会来临。一旦最初对于这种关注的兴奋慢慢退去，你们还剩下什么？你真的喜欢那个人吗，还是你只是喜欢他（她）们表现出的姿态？你喜欢的人有时会表现出你不喜欢的行为，同样你不喜欢的人有时也会表现出你喜欢的行为从而引起你的注意。要理解并能够分辨出这两者之间的区别是非常重要的。

2. We have stability and reliability, but I’m bored. – Once a relationship gets serious this is one of the top killers. We all want excitement in our lives. One of the most exciting things in life is discovering the unknown. Curiosity is what keeps us moving forward, but one must learn to properly hone curiosity. The first part of a serious relationship is primarily about the discovery of your partner’s entire aura. But once you know everything about them, where do you turn for a source of excitement? The answer is quite simple. Discover new things and create new experiences together. The only thing more fulfilling than a new experience is the act of sharing that same experience with someone else.

我们之间的关系很稳定而且也很可靠，但是我有点厌倦了。——一旦要认真起来对待一段感情，这是头号杀手。我们都希望生活中充满兴奋刺激。而生活最让人兴奋的事情之一就是去探索未知的事物。好奇心是推动我们发展的动力，但是一个人要学会适当的把握自己的好奇心。在一段认真地感情中首要的第一件事情恐怕就是探索对方整个的个性。但是一旦你了解了对方的一切，你再到哪里去寻找兴奋的来源呢？答案很简单，探索新的事物并且一起去创造新的体验。比新的体验更让人满足的就是与别人一同分享共同的体验。

3. She has wonderful qualities, but I get stuck on her flaws. - It’s always easier to destroy than to create. Likewise, it’s easier to be negative than it is to be positive. Many relationships fail because both parties concentrate their attention on their partner’s flaws instead of the qualities they love about them. You learn the most about somebody by figuring out their strong points, rather than disputing their weak points. Over time both partners can work on their weak points collectively, so long as each person keeps a positive attitude and an honest line of communication. Keep in mind that it is impossible work on the weak points of a relationship if you are incapable of seeing your partner’s strong qualities.

她有很多的优点，但我就是忍受不了她的缺点。——破坏总是比创造来的更容易。同样，否定也比肯定更容易。很多情侣最终分手就是因为双方都只注意到对方身上的缺点而忽视了他们所喜欢的优点。通过指出别人的优点能更好的了解他，而不是争论他的弱点。只要双方都能保持积极的态度并且真诚的沟通，久而久之就能一起来解决各自的弱点了。要记住如果在恋爱中你不能看到对方的优点，那也不可能解决对方的缺点。