你已经分过一次手了,如何才能知晓这段感情是否合适?

The rise of the on-again, off-again relationship

一次次分分合合的恋情

According to couples researcher Rene Dailey, PhD, an associate professor of communication at the University of Texas, Austin, approximately "65% of individuals have experienced an on-off relationship at some point in their dating history, and 30% to 45% of individuals report their current or most recent relationship has had an on-off nature," she says. One study published in 2013 showed almost half of young people aged 17 to 24 were breaking up and reconciling with exes.

德克萨斯大学奥斯汀分校的传播学副教授、夫妻研究员Rene Dailey博士表示，大约"65%的人都谈过分分合合的恋爱，30%至45%的人称当前的恋情或最近的一次恋情都有这种性质，"她说道。2013年发表的一项研究表明，17至24岁的年轻人当中，一半的人都会分手，而后与前任和好。

A 2017 study showed that roughly half of daters feel extremely ambivalent about their breakups, knowing that there were reasons to stay and reasons to leave. As one of my interviewees put it: "I can usually tell if someone's wrong for me, but I can't really tell if she's right."

2017年的一项研究表明：有对象的人中，一半左右的人对分手极为矛盾，他们觉得既有分手的理由，也有不分手的理由。我的一位受访者如是说："如果这个人不适合我，我通常都能判断出来，但我却难以确定他/她是否适合我。"

"I know that in the past I've hurt people and said things that I didn't mean to make them happy in the moment," he said. "So now I'm just more so looking at the future, making sure I'm not damaging them. What if Hailey ends up being the girl I'm gonna marry, right? If I rush into anything, if I damage her, then it's always gonna be damaged. It's really hard to fix wounds like that. It's so hard.… I just don't want to hurt her."

"我知道，以前我也伤过别人，也会说一些违背本意的话，只是为了让当时的他们开心，"他说道。"现在，我更加关注未来的发展，确保自己不会搞破坏。万一海丽就是我最后要娶的人呢，对不？如果急于求成，我会对她造成伤害，这段感情也会受到影响。类似的伤痕真的难以弥补。太难了……我真的不想伤害她。"

Why more couples are breaking up...then making up

为什么越来越多的夫妻会分手……然后又复合

There are many reasons for the on-off phenomenon in this day and age. The age of first marriage is higher than ever (29.5 years for men, 27.4 years for women in 2017). That allows for more opportunities to date around and break up. The abundance of romantic options plays a role too, according to Marisa T. Cohen, PhD, an associate professor of psychology at St. Francis College in New York City. "Psychologist Barry Schwartz explained the 'paradox of choice,' which is the idea that as we are afforded more choice, it can lead to higher levels of anxiety," she explains.

当今年代，有很多原因可以解释分分合合的现象。人们结婚（第一次结婚）的年纪比以往任何时候都要大（2017年的数据为男性29.5岁，女性27.4岁）。所以人们约会、分手的机会就会更多。纽约市圣弗朗西斯学院的心理学副教授玛丽莎T.科恩（Marisa T. Cohen）博士表示，多样的浪漫选择性也起着一定的作用。"心理学家巴里·施瓦茨（Barry Schwartz）解释了'选择悖论'，也就是更多的选择或导致更高的焦虑水平。"