英女王请专人“驯服”新鞋 看看你能否拿下这份工作

也许你会羡慕名人可以经常穿新衣新鞋，但是别忘了，新鞋总是不如旧鞋舒服。尽管如此，英国女王高贵的双脚却不会因为新鞋而受苦。女王每得到一双新皮鞋，都会请专人来把她的新鞋穿软，如果你的鞋码刚好和女王一样是37码，又自认拥有一双无坚不摧的脚，那么你可以考虑为英国女王做“脚替”，据说薪资待遇还不错。

How much do you love the Queen? This is a serious question. I am serious. A test of loyalty to our Queen is nigh.

你有多喜欢女王伊丽莎白二世呢？这是一个严肃的问题，我是认真的。这是一个考验你对女王忠诚度的问题。

I love the Queen dearly, as if she were my own grandmother – but even I questioned the latest job vacancy at Buckingham Palace.

我敬爱女王，爱她就像爱自己的祖母一般。但是即便如此，我还是想对白金汉宫最近的一个职位招募提出质疑。

Throw me in the Tower and feed the key to Prince Andrew, because this is where I draw the line: I would not be the Royal Shoe Breaker-Inner.

如果将我丢到伦敦塔，让我天天给安德鲁王子递钥匙，我还可以接受。但是我的底线是，我绝对不会去做专门帮女王把鞋子穿软这种尊贵的王室工作。

According to the Standard, the Queen has hired such a Royal Shoe Breaker-Inner: someone to walk around the palace's hallowed hallways every time she gets a new pair of kicks, in order to prevent royal blisters from forming. A footman, if you will. Or footwoman. Plastering up your broken flesh with Boots' finest wouldn't be very regal, after all.

据《标准晚报》报道，伊丽莎白女王雇佣了一名专门替她把鞋子穿软的工作人员。女王每得到一双新鞋，该工作人员就需要穿上它在白金汉宫神圣的走廊里来回踱步，直到把鞋子穿软，以防女王高贵的双脚被磨出水泡。如果你得到这份工作，可以说，你就是女王的“脚替”了。毕竟，以女王如此尊贵的身份，穿着高级鞋子的双脚可不能伤痕累累。

I have just spent plenty of time reading conjecture about the Queen’s shoe size, and at risk of depriving you of the chance to take this journey for yourself – I apologise! – she is a size 4.

我花了很多时间看过各种对女王鞋码的猜测。如果我说出来以后你觉得你没机会去应聘这个工作了，我向你道歉！女王穿的鞋子是4码 So: a wearer of size 4 feet (who are you? If you are reading, make yourself known) has been hired for the task. At this very moment, this humble, honourable creature, by now half-woman, half-heel sore, could already be tramping around the drawing room in the Queen’s favourite £1,000 patent leather Anello & Davides. Soft yet? Good. Here’s another pair.

因此，白金汉宫雇佣了一名穿4码鞋的人来帮女王“驯服”新鞋。 Given that the nature of the job may require people with fully-functioning tootsies to step into the breach at a moment's notice, what credentials might the ideal applicant require? Luckily, we have obtained the job advertisement they last used. Peruse it thoroughly, and next time the position opens up, you will be what they call a shoo-in.

鉴于这项工作的性质，白金汉宫需要雇用一批双脚大小符合条件的后备军，可以随时随地接替上一个人的工作。那么，能胜任这项工作的人需要符合什么条件呢？告诉你个好消息——我们找到了白金汉宫之前的招聘启事。仔细认真地读一读，下次这个职位开放招募时，说不定你就能稳操胜券，一举拿下。

Role 角色

Royal shoe breaker-inner. No, really! This is legit! Keep reading!

专门把新鞋穿软的王室工作人员。别不信，这是真的！继续看下去。

Salary 薪资

Competitive. Have you been a shoe breaker-inner before? No? Then why do you think you should start your career at Buckingham Palace? This should be the culmination of your career. You will be the envy of millions. Go to shoe-breaker-inner college and do the time.

具有竞争力的薪资。你之前做过专门把新鞋穿软这种工作吗？没有？那为什么不考虑在白金汉宫试试水呢？这肯定会是你职业生涯的巅峰。肯定会引来众人艳羡。赶紧入坑吧！

Location 地点

Buckingham Palace. Up the stairs, down the corridors, around the garden. You might say you will be following in the Queen’s footsteps.

白金汉宫。阶梯上，走廊下，花园旁——均可能是你的工作地点。可以说，你将跟随女王的脚步。你要走的可是女王走过的路。

Experience 工作经历

You need to have broken in some tough shoes. I am not talking slippers. I am talking pointy-toed patent leather stilettos, taken out of the box and then worn for the duration of a 48-hour shift on a farmyard. Are you tough as old boots? You must be tougher. You must be older and tougher than tough old boots. And you must be size 4. This is important.

你必须征服过一些质地很硬的鞋子。我说的可不是拖鞋，我指的是尖头漆皮高跟鞋。将新鞋从鞋盒里拿出来，在一个农家庭院里连续穿上48小时。所以，问问你自己，你的脚结实吗？你可要保证你的脚得比坚固的旧鞋子还要结实，要无坚不摧。还有，你的鞋码应该是4码，这很重要。

Warning: Must not have smelly feet. This is very important.

温馨提示：万万不能有脚臭。这一点特别重要。