我为何忘不了前任?

My ex-boyfriend and I dated on and off for about three years, but he broke it off this summer for good. It's been six months since we've had any contact at all - no texts or calls, no interactions in person - but I still love him just as much as I did when we were together, and I've been absolutely heartbroken and miserable every day since we broke up. I've kept busy, spent time with friends, focused on my own hobbies, deleted him on all social media, and even started seeing other guys, but I can't take an interest in anyone else and I don't feel like I've made any progress in getting over my ex at all. I know everyone says it doesn't happen overnight, but it's been 180 days and I still cry about it every day. I feel like I'm doing everything right; why aren't I feeling any better? When people say “it just takes time,” there’s a reason why they don’t say how much time. That reason is: Nobody knows.

我和前男友分分合合三年了，但今年夏天，他和我一刀两断。我们已经6个月没有联系彼此了——没有短信，也没有电话，更没有面对面接触过——但我仍然像当初在一起时那般爱着他，自我们分手以来，我每一天都在心碎、痛苦中度过。我一直让自己处于忙碌状态、与朋友厮混、专注自己的兴趣、所有的社交账户都删除了他，甚至开始和其他男生约会，但我却对其他人提不起兴趣，我觉得在忘掉前任方面，我没有任何进展。我知道每个人都会说你不可能一夜之间就忘掉他的，但分手至今已经180天了，而我仍然每天以泪洗面。我感觉自己所做的一切都是正确的，但为什么就是好不了呢？当人们说“时间会治愈一切的，”但他们没有说具体需要多久，这也是有原因的。原因就是：鬼知道需要多久。

I wish there were an equation that could spit out an exact answer for you. Something like: Total months of sorrow = L (length of relationship) divided by π (or 0.5π if you lived together or were married), minus one hour for each healthy hour spent on self-care (the variables you mention, like time spent with friends, hobbies, etc.). But that’s bad math: Broken hearts aren’t medical injuries that take a typical number of months to heal. There’s no correct or healthy amount of time. Every person is an unsolvable variable.

我真希望能有一个方程，解了这个方程你就能得到准确时间。比如说：总的悲伤月份=L（恋情的长度）除以π（或0.5π，如果你们曾生活在一起或曾结过婚），减去每一次的自我健康时间（即你提到的变量，比如与朋友相处的时间，花在兴趣爱好上的时间，等等。）。但这是一道糟糕的数学题：心碎并不是一种医疗损伤，不知道具体需要多久才能治愈。也没有正确的或健康的时间总量。每个人的时间长短都是不一样的。

So please, don’t worry about whether or not you’re “doing everything right.” This isn’t a math test that can be checked. Don’t beat yourself up either. Sometimes, you can stress yourself out even more by worrying that you’re not processing things in the “right way,” whatever that may be. Think about all of your friends, and all of the different ways they’ve muddled through bad situations. I bet there’s not one formula.

所以请不要担心自己是否“一切都做得正确”。这并不是可以检验的数学测试。但也别灰心。有时候，可以担心自己没有正确的处理事情来给自己施压，不管是什么样的事情。想想所有的朋友，想想看他们处理糟糕情况的不同方法。我敢打赌，肯定没有统一公式。