巧克力实验:找别人帮忙也没那么难为情

Asking someone to help you out can be ridiculously stressful.

向别人寻求帮助时可能压力山大.

What if they feel like you're bothering them? Or using them? What if they say no, or worse, don't even bother responding?

我是不是很烦人?会不会觉得我在利用他的好意?会不会被拒,甚至连鸟都不鸟我?

Those are all real possibilities (sorry). But you can increase the likelihood of getting the help you need and having the other person feel good about it by deploying what psychologists call the "rule for reciprocation."

这种担心也不是多余的(抱歉哈)。但总有两全其美的做法，让你更有可能得到帮助，帮你的人也乐在其中：心理学家称其为“交互作用法”。

In his new book "Pre-Suasion," the psychologist Robert Cialdini defines the rule: "People say yes to those they owe." In other words, if you want someone's assistance, do something useful for them first.

心理学家Robert Cialdini在新书《提前的“说服”》中为此原理下了定义“因为拿人手短，所以无法拒绝。”换句话说就是，若要人帮你，你要先帮人。

Cialdini is careful to note that the rule doesn't always work — after all, you could catch someone on a particularly bad day. But generally, it does.

Cialdini特别提醒到这条原理并不是对谁都好用——毕竟事事有万一。但是总体而言，这法则还是极好用的。

A classic example of the rule for reciprocation is a 2002 study of waiters at a restaurant in Ithaca, New York, which Cialdini cites in "Pre-Suasion."

2002年纽约伊萨卡岛某餐厅的侍者研究作为交互作用法的经典案例被Cialdini收录于新书中。

In the first of two experiments, some waiters handed customers the check and offered each one the opportunity to select a chocolate from a basket; others delivered the check alone. Waiters who handed out chocolate saw their tips go up by about 3%.

第一个实验中，餐厅里的一些服务员在递给顾客账单的同时请他们各自从篮子里挑一块巧克力作为礼物；其他服务员只递账单给自己服务的顾客。结果是前者获得的小费均增加了约3%。

In a second experiment, some waiters invited customers to take two pieces of chocolate. Their tips went up by about 14%. Other waiters invited customers to take one piece of chocolate, turned to leave, then stopped and offered customers the chance to take a second piece of chocolate. In that case, their tips went up about 21%.

第二个实验的内容是安排一些服务生让顾客挑两块巧克力带走，随之而来的是小费增长14%；而其他服务生套路更深，他们让顾客先挑一块巧克力，然后自己离开，之后又折返回来，告诉顾客他们还能再挑一块儿。这样一来这些服务生的小费竟增长了21%。

The researchers say the reciprocity rule explains their findings — people felt obligated to return the act of generosity. In "Pre-Suasion," Cialdini explains that customers gave higher tips in the last condition because the second piece of chocolate was meaningful and unexpected.

实验者称交互作用法使这项研究的最好解释——人们在接受他人慷慨后感觉自己有义务作出回报。书中，Cialdini解释说最后一种情况小费增长最多的原因是，人们认为那第二块儿巧克力是有所含义的，是意料之外的。

Here's an example of how you could put the rule into action: Let's say you want a coworker to proofread a project report before you submit it to management. A few days before, consider asking that coworker if you can pick up dinner for her when you're both staying late at the office.

所以这就告诉你怎么活学活用：假设你想让同事帮你把项目报告校读一遍再交给上头，那么你应早有预谋：提前几天的时间，找一个你们俩人都加晚班的时候，主动提出负责她的晚餐。

The key part is reminding your coworker that she can return the favor, Cialdini told The Harvard Business Review in 2017. Instead of saying, "no big deal" when she thanks you for grabbing an extra sandwich, Cialdini recommends saying something like, "Of course; it's what partners do for each other."

“关键一点在于提示你的同事回报自己的好意并不难”Robert Cialdini在2017年的一期哈佛商业评论中说到，在帮同事 “顺手”带个三明治后，与其说“没啥大不了的”不如说“这是我应该做的，谁让咱俩是同事呢。”

This strategy takes a lot of the pressure out of asking for favors. Presumably, once you help someone out, you'll feel like you deserve their help and won't worry so much about annoying them. Meanwhile, they'll probably feel like they owe you one and won't think twice about giving you what you need.

这个策略肯定能在寻求帮助时帮你减轻不少负担。可以预见的是，只要帮助了他人，你自己都觉得别人帮回来也是情理之中。同时，他们可能因为受到帮助之后感觉有欠于你，而想都不想就响应你的需要呢。