考研英语作文在线批改范例六

From the surface meaning come to see（典型的中式英语从表面来看，读不通。不如简单点写成From the picture we can see）: two people helped（我们在漫画描述段采用一般现在时态，所以这里应用help） each other towards the place where they want to go.They are their cane behind him.（此句有语法错误，应为They throw their crutches behind themselves.）

 You a leg, i have a leg, you and me together for example, your legs and my leg combine two legs, means only the gentlemen in the collaboration, and only mutual help, we can go forward.（此段仍属描述段，应放篇首） I think that cooperation and trust in todays society is indispensable.People only mutual trust, （这里是两个短语的并列用and）mutual help during tough time will go faster, go farther.The young people should sharpen your own, even if they encounter difficulties and setbacks, dont be afraid to face.To face with courage, as long as the mutual help, they can tide over difficulties together breakthrough（删除该词）. （无总结段？）

 你的这篇文章从语法和句式上来看，不存在太大的问题，证明你的英语基础不错。但就考研英语写作来说，你需要改进的地方还很多。 首先是你文章的结构问题。写作指导（Directions）已经明确指出，本篇作文必须满足以下三个要求1、简要描述；2、解释其深层次含义；3、给出你的观点。对应这三个要求再来看你的文章，第一点你基本满足，对图片进行了描述，但不够精炼，缺乏点睛的句子；第二点在你文章的第三段有所体现，以年轻人面临困难为例说明了合作互助的作用，但例子不够鲜明，最好举生活中的实例来证明，如全民齐心协力办奥运等等；第三点在你的文章中则没有看到。 其次，你在文中使用了较长的句子，勇气可嘉，但切记一定要保证用词用句的准确性， 否则有可能会适得其反，错误多了影响阅卷老师的给分还不如写简单句。 希望你再接再厉，多多练习！

 Directions: You live in a room in college which you share with another student. You find it very difficult to work there because your rommate always has friends visiting. Write a letter to the Accommodation Officer at the college and ask for a new room next term. You would prefer a single room. Explain your reasons. Respect for the accommodation officer:（最好还是简单写成Dear officer:）

 First, i would like to thank the College give me arranged a room.But i need a new room.And i hope is a single room.（又一中式英语，三句可合并成：I would feel grateful if you can arrange me a new single room.） Because my roommate was always have some friends will visit him（always has some friends visiting）, i think there are（I 要大写，there are 放在此多余，要去掉）a lot of friends is a very good thing.But for me is influential, let me work cannot be quiet, cannot concentrate on my work.（改为But it is influential for me to concentrate on working in a quiet environment） Please be considerate.