离开误交的三类朋友

3 kinds of false friends you must fire from your life

离开误交的三类朋友

I often read blog posts, here at Forbes and on other platforms, that spark further thought. I just read one at Inc.com, by Jeff Haden, about the types of people you should remove from your inner circle if you’re a business owner.

我经常在福布斯和其他网站上读一些博客帖子，有些帖子发人深省。我最近在Inc.com网站上读了一篇杰夫.哈登写的帖子，帖子讲的是企业主应远离的几类人。

It got me reflecting on the folks I’ve removed from my life over the years (not removed in the Mafioso sense – I mean ‘stopped interacting with’), or those I’ve encouraged others to remove. It might sound callous or draconian, but I’m convinced that life is too short to have people around you on a daily basis who make it more difficult to succeed or to be happy.Now of course, we all have days when even the folks we’re fondest of – friends, colleagues, family – make us want to tear our hair out. That’s not what I ‘m talking about (that’s life on the planet). I’m talking about those folks who consistently make your life harder or less pleasant.So, here’s my observation of the three types of people to invite out of your life:

这让我不禁想到了几年间那些被我从我的生活中消除的人（我的意思是“停止交往”，而不是黑手党意义上的消除），和那些我劝别人疏远的人。这听起来可能有些冷漠无情，但是我坚信人生苦短，我们不应该让那些阻碍我们成功和快乐的人整日出现在身边。有时候即使是我们最喜欢的朋友、同事和家人也会是我们发狂，但那不是我要说的情况（这个星球的生活就是这样）。我要说的是那些总是你的生活充满困难和不快的人。下面的三类人，就是我通过观察认为你应当远离的人。

Energy vampires. Some people just wear you out; you feel more tired and stressed, less vital after interacting with them. These folks seem to believe that the main job of their friends and colleagues is to help them feel better. I once had a friend who required hours and hours of “processing” – his pain, difficulty, emotional upheaval, the unfairness of his past life: everything needed to be gone over ad infinitim. Sadly, no matter how deeply you listen, no matter how much counsel you offer, no matter how much you put your own needs on the back burner to support these folks, it will not be enough. Think about the friends and colleagues who consistently take more from you than they give back, and ask yourself why you’re still offering yourself to be sucked dry.

精力吸血鬼。一些人总让你精疲力尽，与他们交往后，你感到很累很压抑，甚至萎靡不振。这些人似乎认为朋友和同事的主要工作就是使自己过得好。我曾经有一个朋友，他分秒不停地“诉苦”——关于他过去的生活所经历的痛苦、遇到的困难、遭遇的情感挫折和不公平待遇。每件事他都要无休止地讲下去。可悲的是，无论你多么用心聆听，无论你提出多少建议，无论你为了帮助他们放下自己手头多少事，在他们看来似乎都显得不够。想想你的那些朋友和同事，他们从你那里拿走的远超过归还的，然后问问自己，为何还要让他们吸取你的精力。

I Me Mine: My brother used to be married to someone who expected much more from others, on a daily basis, than she was willing to give. For instance, she had no problem asking someone to babysit for her child, or watch her house, or run an errand for her…but when it came time to reciprocate, somehow it just never seemed possible. When she came to visit, everything had to be oriented to accommodate her: the foods she required, the quietest room with the proper light, the cats farmed out to friends because of her allergies. No such accommodations were possible when others visited her. “I Me Mine” people are the center of their own universe, and if they’re in your life, you are always going to have to work around their needs and preferences. Collaboration, reciprocity and give and take are not part of their vocabulary. Do what you can to minimize your interactions with these folks (although they may let you know in no uncertain terms that you’re being unreasonable or unfair not to be available to fulfill their every whim).

我，我的。我弟弟曾和一位女士结了婚，这位女士总期望别人为她出更多的力，而她自己却很少付出。例如，她毫不客气地让别人帮她照看孩子，看管房屋，或者跑腿等等。但当别人有事请她帮忙时，几乎不可能。她去拜访别人时，衣食住行都要符合其要求：食物要合口；住房必须安静且光线适中；由于她对猫过敏，主人要托朋友看管猫。当别人回访她时，却根本得不到这样的待遇。“我，我的”这类人总是以自己的世界为中心。如果你和他们一起生活，你将不得不总是围绕他们的需要和喜好工作。在他们的字典里从来没有诸如“合作”“互助”“互相谦让”之类的字眼。你要尽量减少与这些人来往（尽管他们可能明确告诉你，如果不满足他们每次的心血来潮，你会显得多么不公，多么不近人情）。

Liars. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times – why are you still on the list of people whose calls I return? If someone is consistently unreliable, or tells you things that aren’t true, or says one thing to you and another thing to someone else in order to protect themselves….cut them loose. Liars are the worst. Energy Vampires and I Me Mines are a pain and make your life more difficult – but Liars can create honest-to-goodness legal and moral problems.

说谎者。愚弄我一次，你真不害臊；愚弄我两次，我真丢脸；愚弄我三次——我为什么还和你交往（我都不会再回你电话了）？如果一个人一直以来都不可靠，总是告诉你一些不真实的事，并且为了保护他自己的利益，总是当面一套背地一套，你应当远离这样的人。说谎者最可恶。“精力吸血鬼”和“我，我的”这两类人只是让你痛苦或者活得更艰难些，但说谎者却能真正造成一些法律和道德问题。

The great thing to realize is that you actually have the power to do this. You don’t need have to these people in your life. You can kindly but firmly minimize your interactions with them. And that frees you up to invite wonderful people into your life.

重要的是，你应该意识到实际上你有能力去做这件事。在生活中，你不需要这些人。你可以友好但要坚决地减少与他们的交往。这样一来，你就可以自由地邀请一些令你愉快的人进入你的生活了。