I had read your advertisement for an editor for your magazine Design and Fashions several days ago,51job daily.I would be much grateful if you could give me a chance to work for you.
As a young man whose interest is in fashion designing, the position you offered is exactly like the kind of job I am seeking for.I graduated from Shanghai University with a degree in art,and I had worked in a relevant company for two years before.I had learned a lot from the experience of having worked there!Whats more ,I am an easy-going people,and I have passed CET-6 .I can speak English fluently.I do believe that I could get along with you if I have the opportunity to work with you.
Thank you for your time and consideration,I am looking forward to your reply at your earliest convenience.
Yours sincerely,
Li Ming
考研英语作文批改点评如下：
Dear Sir or Madam, I had(去掉，这里用过去时，或者是现在完成时have read) read your advertisement for an editor for your magazine Design and Fashions(去掉引号，英语中不这样用) several days ago, (加介词on或from)51job daily. I would be much grateful if you could give me a chance to work for you. As a young man whose interest is in fashion designing, the position you offered is exactly like the kind of job I am seeking for. I graduated from Shanghai University with a degree in art, and I had worked in a relevant company for two years before. I had learned a lot from the experience(这个表达不好，从经验中学到很多，应该是从工作中学到很多，学到的东西称之为经验) of having worked there!(不要用感叹号) Whats more , I am an easy-going people, and I have passed CET-6 .I can speak English fluently. I do believe that I could get along with you if I have the opportunity to work with you.(这一句话建议去掉，或者是换做直接描述自己有很好的personality的句子) Thank you for your time and consideration, (加连词and)I am looking forward to your reply at your earliest convenience. Yours sincerely, Li Ming (落款部分位于右下角) 点评：6分注意遣词造句和你的逻辑。