高中英语语法-三篇短文和一个老外的评语之二

　　三篇短文和一个老外的评语之二

　　ives and adverbs there are. The weather is simply cold. This is enough to explain why the brother was wearing gloves and it would not have helped the story to have added anything.

　　　　The essay also shows control of the ideas and structure；a plain narrative that is concluded by the critical event. The writer has sensibly avoided putting any moral lesson or commentary at the end. It is quite clear to the reader how the brother must have felt and the stark and almost brutal ending speaks for itself？no expression of regret，unhappiness，or complaint about the cruelty of life. None is needed. My one criticism of the essay is the choice of title，Forgetting the gloves shows carelessness. I think this is too explicit and takes away from the surprise ending. It would have been better simply to call it The gloves and left the reader to wonder what the connection between gloves and job-hunting was.

　　　　The second essay stood out because of the sudden and very unexpected twist to the story？an apparent success which is then rejected. Again，the writer has controlled her story well and kept the ending simple and effective. Notice once more the relative absence of adjectives，with only one that is metaphorical？eagle eyes. All the others are factual descriptions，giving the basic information that makes the story real.

　　　　Finally，the third essay. The overall structure of the story is quite well controlled，though the logical links between individual events could be improved. For example，the employee showed her to the manager，so she was going towards him，but then the manager approached from behind. Finally，she looked up and saw a frown，which again suggests that she was facing him. But these are errors that can be corrected with careful thought.

　　　　What really made this essay different from all the others was a single phrase that leapt off the page at me？mosquito's voice. This phrase，unexpected and metaphorical，shows precise observation of life. It clearly expresses a complex set of features in the way the writer spoke. Think of the nights when you hear the high-pitched whine of a mosquito in the dark. You don't know where it is and you flap your hands madly trying to hit it，but usually without success.

　　　　Now think about the writer： Her voice was high-pitched，from nervousness probably，and she probably had the feeling that it came from somewhere else and was not under her control？just like the mosquito. A striking and very effective image that lifted this essay out of the crowd for me.