TSA’s New Policy

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　　Cher called her supervisor. He tried to explain the situation to teary-eyed Brooke. He told her that the Transportation Security Administration couldnt take a chance on Brooke boarding the plane. For all we know, he said, your breast could actually be a deadly bomb in disguise. Once you get on board, all you have to do is pull on that ring to detonate the bomb, like you would pull the ring on a hand grenade. Im sorry, but our motto is Better Safe than Sorry.

　　The next day, Brooke contacted well-known Los Angeles lawyer Gloria Allred. Allred immediately filed a lawsuit against TSA. She held a televised press conference. If a nipple ring might detonate a breast bomb, Allred asked, then why does TSA allow wedding rings on planes? Maybe someone could pull on their wedding ring and detonate a hand bomb! And why would a pretty young girl like Brooke want to blow herself up? TSA is going to be sorry they made this mistake.

　　Just two days later, TSA announced that passengers with body piercings would no longer have to remove their jewelry, as long as they allowed TSA to visually inspect all the jewelry. Also, TSA reimbursed Brooke for her original plane ticket, bought her a round-trip first class ticket to Atlanta, and paid her an undisclosed cash settlement.

　　This is a victory for the people, Allred announced in a second press conference.

　　This is a victory for TSA, announced a TSA spokesman. It allows us to focus on life and death issues rather than waste our valuable time waiting for travelers to remove all their jewelry.