爱要怎么说出口

If only we’d never gone there, thought Alan. They were scrambling up the mountainside in the late afternoon heat. Alice was so tanned that she looked as if she had lived on the Mediterranean for months, while he, being fair, had turned a blotchy, peeling.

阿兰心里想道：要是我们从未到过那个地方该多好啊。在下午后半晌的炎热中，他们向山坡上爬去。爱丽丝被晒得黑黝黝的，看上去就像在地中海上住过几个月似的；而阿兰原本细皮嫩肉，这时身上已经变得红一块白一块，脱了一层皮。

He looked up at the mountainside, the path twisting upwards towards the cairn cross, the white heat bleaching the rock. Why on earth couldn’t they talk about it? Why couldn’t he even accuse her?

他抬头向山坡望去，只见小路盘旋而上通向那个圆锥形十字石碑，炽热的阳光将岩石晒得发白。他们究竟为什么不能谈那件事？他为什么连责骂她都不能呢？

He had thought it was going to be all right. But it was as if the heat had drained their love.

他原以为一切都会好的，但好像酷热已经将他们的爱抽干。

At home they had been so blissfully happy that he now realized it couldn’t have lasted. She comes to his school from the Midlands because her family had split up. An only child, living with her father, trying to look after him, lonely, depressed, anxious, she had come to Alan to be healed. At least, that’s what he liked to think. Had he healed her? No. Tom had, even though Alan loved her with all the passion. Now his hatred for both of them was as strong as his love.

在家时，他们曾是多么幸福。现在他意识到那不会再继续下去了。由于家庭破裂，她从内陆来到他的学校。作为独生女，她和她的父亲住在一起，尽力去照顾他。她孤独无依、无精打采、愁眉苦脸，经常到阿兰那里去排除忧伤。至少他喜欢这样认为。他为她解忧了吗？没有。是汤姆，即使阿兰曾付出所有的激情爱着她。如今他对他们俩的爱就像他的恨一样强烈。 “Come on!Alice had turned back to him, waving impatiently.

“跟上！爱丽丝转身向他喊，不耐烦地挥着手。

“Coming,Alan looked at his watch. Five, The crickets would start singing soon. He walked on, the sweat pouring into his eyes. Knowing she had opened the bottle of mineral water. Would she let him catch up with her? An even greater misery seized him. It reminded him of the night he made himself drunk on the rough local wine his parents bought in the village. His heart had ached then, too, and his sense of loss had increased as he relived each minute of a day when Tom and Alice had seemed to draw closer and closer together.

“来了。阿兰看了看手表。已经5点了。蛐蛐儿马上就要开始鸣唱了。他继续向上走，汗水源源不断地流到了眼里。他知道她已经打开那瓶矿泉水。她会让他跟上她吗？一种更大的痛苦折磨着他。这使他想起那天晚上他用父母亲从村里买的粗制的当地酒将自己灌醉的情景，那时他的心也在发痛。每当他想起爱丽丝和汤姆越来越亲近的时候，他的失落感就会与日俱增。

He walked faster. Here, a few miles away on the bare mountainside, there was arid space, and the olive groves, clustered in the stone-cluttered valleys below.

他走得越来越快。他为山顶上那些中世纪的城堡而欢呼雀跃。放眼望去，离那座山几里远的地方有一块空地，在山谷的乱石丛中生长着一小片橄榄林。 “Come on!

“跟上！

“Coming.

“来了。

Alan strode doggedly on, looking down at his red, peeling legs, thinking of Tom’s strong, straight, brown ones.

阿兰仍顽强地大步前行，他低头看了一眼自己被晒红的、脱了皮的两腿，想起了汤姆强健挺拔的棕色的双腿。

Suddenly he had turned the corner by the stone shelter. He could see her waiting for him. If Tom were here, they would be together, mocking him, looking at each other, leaving him alone. As he strode self-consciously on Alan focused his mind on her.

突然，他拐到石头后面一块隐蔽的地方。他看到她正在等他。如果汤姆也在这里的话，他们一定会站在一起嘲笑他，相互凝望着，把他丢在一边。当他拘谨地向前走的时候，他将注意力都集中在她的身上。

“Where’re we going to camp?She was sitting on an outcrop, her slim body supple and salt-caked. Her legs were swinging and he longed to run his hands over them. Instead he imagined Tom doing that and hot, angry tears filled his eyes.

“我们到哪里去宿营？她坐在一块突出的岩石上。她的苗条的身材丰满，咸咸的。她的腿在那里晃来晃去。他真想将自己的手在那上面滑动。而他却想象着汤姆那样做的情景。顿时，愤怒的泪水充满了他的眼睛。

“Santa Caterina.

“圣卡塔林纳。

“What’s that?

“那是什么？

“It’s a deserted monastery, down in the valley. Amongst the fir trees. Over there—look, you can see it.

“是一座破庙，在山谷下面，杉树丛中。在那里——看，你可以看到的。

“Oh yes.She turned her head. When he did look he was shocked to see how beautiful she was, like a goddess.

“噢，是的。她转过头。当他真正拿眼去看她的时候，她看上去是那样美，像一尊女神。

“Won’t that be spooky?she asked in the slightly broken voice that he had always found so sexy.

“那不可怕吧？她用略微沙哑的声音说。他发现她的嗓音竟是那样性感。

God, how he loved her. Why couldn’t he just take her in his arms now? That could solve everything. But there seemed to be an impenetrable barrier around her—as if she was sealed away by Tom.

上帝啊，他是多么爱她，现在他为什么不可以把她揽在怀里呢？这样，一切问题都会迎刃而解的。但是，好像她周围有一种难以逾越的障碍——就像被汤姆密封了起来。

“The valley’s dangerous,said Alan, hoping to frighten her, to provoke reaction.“If the clouds come down there’s no way out. Sometimes for days.

“这个山谷很危险，阿兰说，希望吓住她，引起她一种反应。“如果乌云压下来就会无路可走了。有时会持续好几天。

“Is there anywhere else to camp,asked Alice.

“还有其它地方可以宿营吗？爱丽丝问道。

“Not really.Alan was certain she’d rather be with Tom. Yesterday he had seen them sitting on a wall together outside the villa. Their ankles had been entwined. He had wanted to grab Tom’s legs and pull him off. He would hurt his brother—and Alice would be sorry . It would be her fault.

“说不准，阿兰敢肯定她一定会宁愿和汤姆在一起。昨天他曾见他们一起坐在别墅外的一堵墙上，他们的脚踝曾缠绕在一起，他曾想拽着汤姆的腿把他拉下来。他会伤害自己的弟弟。爱丽斯会感到内疚。那是她的过错。

“Let’s go,said Alan quickly.

“我们走吧，阿兰飞快地说。

“How far is it?she asked.“I’m whacked.

“还有多远？她问，“我一点劲儿也没有了。

“Half an hour.

“半小时。

“Can we eat them?Her voice was a little plaintive. Alan noticed with satisfaction that she was becoming dependent on him again. But he knew that once they were off the mountain she would be with Tom. For a crazy moment he imagined Alice with himself living in the mountain valley together. Always. Trapped perhaps by some magical force that wouldn’t let them leave.

“我们能吃点东西吗？她的声音有点儿伤感。阿兰心满意足，注意到她正在再次依靠他。但他知道一旦他们离开这座大山，她就会和汤姆泡在一起。一时间，他竟荒唐地想象着爱丽丝和自己一起居住在这个山谷，直到永远。或许是被某种魔力困在这里，不让他们离开。

The monastery was square-roofed, austere，with barrack windows. There were fish tanks at the back and a terrace on which the monks would have walked.

那座庙是方顶、木窗，十分简朴。庙后面有一些鱼缸，还有一个平台，和尚可以在上面随意走动。

Their feet on the stones made the only sound. Santa Caterina was utterly still. A swift rose soundlessly over the slate roof and the heat shimmered on the roughcast walls. They lay down, their rucksack still on their backs, passing the water bottle, almost dozing.

四周只有他们踏在石头上所发出的声响，圣卡塔林纳万籁俱寂。一朵怒放的玫瑰在石板屋顶无声无息，亮光在粗糙的墙壁上闪烁。他们躺下来，递过水瓶，旅行包仍背在背后。他们几乎昏昏欲睡。

Suddenly she sat up and looked him with surprising tenderness. Alan’s black mood eased slightly.

突然，她坐起来，用令人吃惊的温柔目光凝视着他。阿兰的难受情绪稍微得到了缓解。

Have they all gone then?asked Alice.

“他们都已经走了吗？爱丽丝问道。

“Yes. I don’t know when. A long time ago.

“是的。我不知道是什么时候走的。好长时间了吧。

She was lying back, her eyes closed. He could talk to her now. They could both talk the problem and solve it. They would reach each other. But he couldn’t make the move.

她仰面躺着，双目紧闭。他现在可以和她谈了。他们俩谈谈那个问题，然后就迎刃而解了。他们彼此都能探到对方，但他不能动。

“It would be terrible if it is pulled down,Alice said idly, her eyes still closed.

“如果庙被推倒，那将是多么可怕，爱丽丝懒懒地说，眼睛仍然闭着。

“It won’t be.

“不会的。

“How do you know that?

“你怎么知道？

“They patch it up from time to time.

“他们总是不断地修缮它。

“Why don’t they live here?

“他们为什么不住在这里呢？

“Don’t know. Maybe it’s too remote.

“不知道，或许这里太偏远了吧。

The desire to punish her had gone. But he daren’t touch her. He daren’t break the enchantment.

渐渐地，想惩罚她的欲望消失了，但他不敢触摸她，不敢轻易打破这令人着迷的时刻。

“The heat in the day. The cool evenings. It would be good to live like that.

“白天热，夜里凉。住在这种地方会很不错的。

“Live here?

“住在这里？

“Could we ever get permission?

“我们会被允许吗？

“I don’t know.

“我不知道。

“Just to see what it was like. I mean—She half sat up.“Can we get inside?She ran a finger gently down his peeling cheek.

“先看看这里怎么样，我是说—— 她半坐了起来。“我们能进去吗？她将一根手指轻轻地放在他脱皮的脸颊上。

Alan was taken aback but then he became aware that the crickets had started. How long had they been singing? He wondered.“Let go and see.

他吃了一惊，随后意识到蛐蛐儿的鸣叫声已经响起。他不知道它们已经鸣唱了多长时间。“让我们去看看吧。

They tramped round but as Alan already knew, there was no way in. In the end they came back and he lit a fire at the side of a small stone building. Other campers had obviously used the space and there were black marks on the walls.

他们绕过去，但正如阿兰早就知道的那样，无路可进。最后，他们又原路返回，在一座小型石头建筑旁生了一堆火。显然，其他野营的人也曾使用过这个地方，墙壁上还留有黑色的痕迹。

He cooked supper, using half a precious bottle of water to make it. The intimacy was still there but the talking was at an end. Alan could hardly contain his rising excitement. They had night together. Anything could happen.

他晚饭用去了半瓶珍贵的水，亲密关系依旧存在，但他们已经无话可说。阿兰几乎难以按捺那正在膨胀的冲动。他们一起拥有这个夜晚，任何事情都可能会发生。