成功孩子背后都有这样的父母

1. 他们让孩子做家务。

"If kids aren't doing the dishes, it means someone else is doing that for them," Julie Lythcott-Haims, former Dean of Freshmen at Stanford University and author of "How to Raise an Adult" said during a TED Talks Live event.

曾担任过斯坦福大学新生教务主任的朱莉·利思科特-海姆斯写了《如何将孩子抚育成人》一书，她在TED的直播中表示：“如果孩子不洗碗，这意味着其他人要帮他们洗。”

Lythcott-Haims believes kids raised on chores go on to become employees who collaborate well with their coworkers, are more empathetic because they know firsthand what struggling looks like, and are able to take on tasks independently.

利思科特-海姆斯认为从小被教育洗碗的孩子成人工作后，会和同事合作融洽，并更懂得以己推人。因为他们亲身体验过不情愿做事是怎样的，而且他们能独立完成任务。

2. They teach their kids social skills.

2. 他们教孩子社交技能。

Researchers from Pennsylvania State University and Duke University tracked more than 700 children from across the US between kindergarten and age 25 and found a significant correlation between their social skills as kindergartners and their success as adults two decades later.

宾州州立大学和杜克大学的研究员们在美国各州抽样选取了700多名儿童，从他们的幼儿园时期一直跟踪调查至25岁。他们发现，这些孩子在幼儿园表现出的社交技能与他们二十年后的成功有着显著的关联。

The 20-year study showed that socially competent children who could cooperate with their peers without prompting, be helpful to others, understand their feelings, and resolve problems on their own, were far more likely to earn a college degree and have a full-time job by age 25 than those with limited social skills.

这项为期20年的调查表明，社交能力强的孩子无需敦促便能和同伴合作、帮助并理解他人、独立解决问题。到25岁的时候，相比于那些社交技能有限的孩子，他们更有可能获得大学文凭、找到一份全职工作。

3. They have high expectations.

3. 他们对孩子期望高。

Using data from a national survey of 6,600 children born in 2001, University of California at Los Angeles professor Neal Halfon and his colleagues discovered that the expectations parents hold for their kids have a huge effect on attainment.

加州大学洛杉矶分校的尼尔·哈尔丰教授和其同事在2001年对洛杉矶的6600名小孩做了一项调查，他们发现父母对孩子抱有的期望会很大程度上影响到孩子取得的成就。

This falls in line with another psych finding: the Pygmalion effect, which states "that what one person expects of another can come to serve as a self-fulfilling prophecy."

这却暗合了另一项心理学发现——皮格马利翁效应。也就是一个人对另外一人的期望最终可以影响到那个人，致使最初的预言实现。

4. They have healthy relationships with each other.

4. 他们彼此维系着良好的关系。

Some studies have found children in nonconflictual single parent families fare better than children in conflictual two-parent families. The conflict between parents prior to divorce also affects children negatively, while post-divorce conflict has a strong influence on children's adjustment.

一些调查已经表明，在没有矛盾的单亲家庭成长出的孩子要比成长于矛盾重重的双亲家庭的孩子更为成功。双亲离异前的冲突也会对孩子有消极影响，而离婚后的矛盾又会给孩子适应新的家庭关系造成强烈的干扰。

5. They've attained higher educational levels.

5. 他们的教育水平更高。

A 2017 study lead by University of Michigan psychologist Sandra Tang found that mothers who finished high school or college were more likely to raise kids that did the same.

2017年密西根大学的心理学家桑德拉·唐率领团队做了一项研究，结果发现完成高中或大学教育的母亲抚养出的孩子更有可能拥有同样的教育经历。

6. They teach their kids math early on.

6. 他们很早就教孩子数学。

A 2007 meta-analysis of 35,000 preschoolers across the US, Canada, and England found that developing math skills early can turn into a huge advantage. Mastery of early math skills predicts not only future math achievement, it also predicts future reading achievement.

2007年一项对美国、加拿大和英格兰35000名学前孩子的荟萃分析表明，早点培养孩子们的数学能力可以转变为他们的一大优势。对早期数学技能的掌握不仅能预示将来孩子的数学成就，还可以影响他们以后的阅读能力。

7. They develop a relationship with their kids.

7. 他们都与孩子建立起一种关联。

A 2017 study of 243 people born into poverty found that children who received "sensitive caregiving" in their first three years not only did better in academic tests in childhood, but had healthier relationships and greater academic attainment in their 30s. This suggests that investments in early parent-child relationships may result in long-term returns that accumulate across individuals' lives.

一项2017年的研究调查了243名出生贫困的人，研究人员发现在头三年被父母细心照料的孩子不仅在儿童时代的学术考试中表现更好，还会在他们30多岁时有更好的人际关系，取得更多的学术成就。这表明在早期亲子关系上的投资也许能在孩子成年后渐渐带来长期的回报。

8. They're less stressed.

8. 他们都没多少压力。

Research shows that if your friend is happy, that brightness will infect you; if she's sad, that gloominess will transfer as well. This is called emotional contagion -- the psychological phenomenon where people "catch" feelings from one another like they would a cold. So if a parent is exhausted or frustrated, that emotional state could transfer to the kids.

研究表明如果你的朋友心情愉快，那么好心情将感染你；如果她感到悲伤，同样那份忧郁会传递给你。这也被称为情感感染，这是一种心理现象，人们会像得感冒一样被他人的情绪感染。所以如果父母感到疲惫或失望，那么他（她）的情感状况也会传染给孩子。

9. They value effort over avoiding failure.

9. 他们对孩子强调努力，而非逃避失败。

Over decades, children (and adults) think about success in one of the following two ways. On the one hand, a "fixed mindset" assumes that success is the affirmation of the inherent intelligence. Striving for success and avoiding failure at all costs become a way of maintaining the sense of being smart or skilled. A "growth mindset," on the other hand, thrives on challenge and sees failure not as evidence of un-intelligence but as a heartening springboard for growth and for stretching our existing abilities.

在过去的几十年里，孩子和成人用以下两种方式中的一种看待成功。一方面，“固定心态”认为，与生俱来的智慧确立了人们的成功。努力成功和尽一切可能避免失败则成了维持聪明的感觉或技巧的方式之一。而另一方面是“发展心态”，认为兴盛源自挑战，并认为失败不是不聪明的表现，反而是一块积极的跳板，促使你成长，锻炼我们的生存技能。

10. The moms work.

10. 这些孩子都有在职母亲。

According to research out of Harvard Business School, there are significant benefits for children growing up with mothers who work outside the home.

根据哈佛商学院的一项调查，孩子同在职妈妈一同长大受益显著。

The study found daughters of working mothers went to school longer, were more likely to have a job in a supervisory role, and earned more money. The sons of working mothers also tended to pitch in more on household chores and childcare.

研究发现，有在职妈妈的女孩子上学时间更长，并且更有可能找到一份监督角色的工作，赚的薪水更多。而且有在职母亲的男孩子比妈妈是家庭主妇的男孩更倾向于参加各种活动。

11. They have a higher socioeconomic status.

11. 他们有更高的社会经济地位。

Tragically, one-fifth of American children grow up in poverty, a situation that severely limits their potential. According to Stanford University researcher Sean Reardon, socioeconomic status is what drives much of educational attainment and performance.

可悲的是，五分之一的美国孩子在贫穷中长大，这种情况严重限制了孩子们的潜能。据斯坦福大学的研究员肖恩·里尔登表示，社会经济地位能激励孩子们接受更高的教育，促进他们在学术上有更佳的表现。