从你垂垂欲落泪,呜咽如有声的表情来看,咱们的谈话该结束了。我会让你回去继续点点戳戳,继续东动西动,继续玩闹,继续撕机上杂志玩。我还会待在自己的座位上,幻想将自己这没有小孩的成年人的身体冲出飞机,畅游天空。提米,享受接下来的飞行吧。坐在你身边,我真的很喜欢。交新朋友真是有趣啊。
Hello, 6-year-old child.
Seeing as how fate has brought us together here, in the crowded coach section of this expensive airplane, I thought I should introduce myself.
My name is Amy, and I’m an adult. I suspect that you’re too young to understand what “adult means, so let me explain. It means that I’m taller than you, and smarter, and that I get to do lots of awesome things, like smoke cigarettes and ovulate. It also means that I like to take naps on airplanes and read my newspaper in silence. These things seem to be very different from the things that you like to do.
I’ve gleaned from its near-constant utterance by the woman sitting next to you—your mother, I suppose, or perhaps a social worker or a federal prisoner who’s being paid to spend time with you—that your name is Timmy. It’s probably Timothy, actually, but people call you Timmy because it’s cuter. Which is appropriate, Timmy, because you’re very cute, you really are.
I’m going to drink this cup of coffee—would you like some? I didn’t think so. You’re more of a juice-box man, from what I gather. The way I gather this is by looking at the stain on my ninety-eight-dollar pants, the one you made when you put your juice box there. If I touched your pants, Timmy, I would probably be sent to jail. There are lots of differences between you and me, but that’s one of the big ones: the quality and the seriousness of what happens when we touch other people’s pants.
You’re not much of a sleeper, are you, Timmy? We’ve just met, but it seems to me like maybe you don’t really enjoy sleeping all that much. In fact, it seems to me that one of your greatest joys in life is wakefulness—and not simply passive wakefulness but the kind of vigorous wakefulness that makes a person like me start to question the very possibility of silence as a condition that can exist in the universe. I can see that I’ve confused you, Timmy, and I apologize; I was only trying to point out that you really seem to enjoy being awake. Let me make it up to you by giving you this modest dose of Ambien. It’s a kind of candy for your soul. Your soul is a kind of mouth that’s inside your brain.
Here comes the nice stewardess lady with a bag for collecting people’s garbage. Would you like me to give her some of the garbage that’s strewn all over your seat—and, if we’re being perfectly honest here, Timmy, all over my seat as well? And, while we’re at it, maybe I could give her this talking doll—the one that sings songs, very loud songs, songs of terrifying and ungodly volume, from that animated movie about adventurous insects. It’s not that I don’t love the doll; it’s just that I’m pretty sure it’s illegal for children to carry such things on airplanes. Have you heard of terrorism, Timothy? That’s why it’s illegal for you to have this doll.
Your whimpering and your dripping facial parts suggest that perhaps this conversation has run its course, so I’ll let you get back to your finger painting, your fidgeting, and your wanton, inexplicable shredding of the in-flight magazine. I’ll be here in my seat, fantasizing about hurtling my childless adult body out of the airplane and into the sky. Enjoy the rest of the flight, Timmy. I’ve really enjoyed sitting next to you. It’s fun to make new friends.
美国习惯用语-第222讲:Know Which Side One´
美国习惯用语-第219讲:Touch Base/o Lunch
美国习惯用语-第207讲:motor mouth
美国习惯用语-第202讲:One for the books
美国习惯用语-第203讲:To close the books
美国习惯用语-第224讲:Butterfingers
美国习惯用语-第201讲:Sunday best
美国习惯用语-第238讲:bummer/bum rap
美国习惯用语-第211讲:stonewall
美国习惯用语-第225讲:Like Greased Lightning
美国习惯用语-第209讲:Wall-to-wall
美国习惯用语-第237讲:in the doghouse / b
美国习惯用语-第236讲:high and dry/dry up
美国习惯用语-第192讲:Hat in hand
美国习惯用语-第241讲:the time of one´s&nb
美国习惯用语-第232讲:Pick Up the Tab/Go
美国习惯用语-第205讲:To walk on air
美国习惯用语-第223讲:Bread and butter
美国习惯用语-第185讲:Full of beans
美国习惯用语-第226讲:Slow Burn/Slow As Molass
美国习惯用语-第196讲workaholic
美国习惯用语-第239讲:fair and square/ fair&nb
美国习惯用语-第182讲:give somebody a piece&nb
美国习惯用语-第186讲:bean counter
美国习惯用语-第240讲:fair game
美国习惯用语-第212讲:Over the long haul
美国习惯用语-第233讲:tax-and-spend-liberal
美国习惯用语-第191讲:pass the hat
美国习惯用语-第234讲:Redneck/McCarthyite
美国习惯用语-第199讲:To be cut out for
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