大叔控请注意 如何展现独具魅力的个人风度

There is one in every office--the person who gets the attention of senior managers and interns alike at the morning meeting, who sends out witty tweets in the afternoon and who glides effortlessly through the after-work cocktail party, never at a loss for words.

每个办公室都有这样的人――在晨会上能获得高级管理人员和实习生的关注，下午在推特上发布风趣诙谐的消息，在下班后的鸡尾酒会上也谈笑自若，从来没有无话可说的时候。

What is this person's secret? It boils down to presence, a magical mix of confidence, charm and communication skills that exerts an outsize impact on one's social stature and ability to climb the ranks, experts say.

这种人的秘密是什么？专家们说，归根到底就是风度――自信、魅力和沟通技巧的神奇组合，它对一个人的社会地位和晋升能力有极大影响。

With blurring work-home boundaries, the rise of social media and our 24/7 lifestyle, it's harder than ever to find and maintain personal presence on the job, on weekends and online. The number of people you reach has been 'magnified far more than the one-on-one conversations you are used to having,' says Muriel Maignan Wilkins, managing partner and co-founder at Isis Associates, an executive coaching and leadership-development consulting firm in McLean, Va. 'With that power comes much bigger consequences.'

由于工作与家庭的界限日趋模糊、社交媒体的兴起以及我们的全天候生活方式，在职场、周末和网络上展现并保持个人风度比以往任何时候都困难。弗吉尼亚州麦克莱恩市高管辅导和领导力开发咨询公司Isis Association的执行合伙人和联合创始人威尔金斯(Muriel Maignan Wilkins)称，与以前人们习惯的那种一对一的对话相比，一个人现在所能影响的人数已经大大增加。他表示，而这种影响力会产生比以前大得多的后果。

The executive coaching world offers myriad ways to define presence--finding your signature voice, presenting your authentic self, combining strength and warmth. Sylvia Ann Hewlett, founding president of the Center for Talent Innovation, a New York City think tank, says it comes down to just three elements--'how you behave, how you speak and how you look.'

高管辅导行业提出了很多定义“风度”的方式――发现自己最具特色的嗓音、展现真实自我、集优势和热情于一身。创建纽约市智库人才创新中心(Center for Talent Innovation)并任总裁的休利特(Sylvia Ann Hewlett)说，风度可归结为三个元素：你的行为举止、你的言谈和你的外表。

The behavioral part, sometimes called gravitas or intellectual heft, is most important, Ms. Hewlett says, basing her conclusions on her research, including a survey of nearly 4,000 managers and executives, 40 focus groups and dozens of interviews, all of which are the basis for her new book, 'Executive Presence: The Missing Link Between Merit and Success.'

休利特说，行为举止部分（有时被称为举止部分或心智部分）最为重要。这一观点的依据是她的研究结论，包括对近4,000名管理人员进行的调查、40个小组座谈以及数十次采访，而这些也是她的新书《高管风度：优点与成功之间缺失的环节》(Executive Presence: The Missing Link Between Merit and Success)的基础。

Gravitas is first and foremost about confidence and staying calm in a stressful situation, and then showing teeth, which means being decisive even when faced with hard choices, Ms. Hewlett says. Emotional intelligence, or an ability to show empathy, also matter.

休利特说，要做到举止端庄，最重要的就是自信和在有压力时保持冷静，其次是表现出强硬的一面，这意味着要果断，即便是在面对艰难抉择的情况下。情商，或者说表达情感的能力，也很重要。

Next comes communication, or the ability to express your point of view in an effective way, she says. A concise and compelling speaking style matters most, especially when it isn't scripted. Confident body language and eye contact help you command a room, as does finding a low register for your speaking voice.

她说，其次是沟通，或者说以有效方式表达自己观点的能力。一种简洁而又有说服力的讲话方式至关重要，特别是脱稿讲话。自信的肢体语言和眼神交流有助于你掌控一个房间的气氛，为自己的讲话声调找到一个低音区也有同样的作用。

Appearance is the least important element, according to Ms. Hewlett's survey. Yet it holds a crucial position as a filter, the first test of presence that people subconsciously subject you to. 'If you don't pass that test, no one's going to worry too much about your gravitas because you are struck off the list,' Ms. Hewlett says. Her research has found women are most often discredited because of provocative clothing, while men are docked for appearing out of shape.

休利特的调查结果显示，外表的重要性最低。但外表承担着过滤器的重要作用，因为这是对你的风度给别人留下怎样印象的最初测试。休利特说，如果你没有通过这个测试，就没有人会太在意你举止是否庄重，因为你已经被从名单上除名。她的研究还发现，女性多数时候是因为穿着具有挑逗性而不被信任，而男性更多的时候是因为身材走样而受到轻视。

The rise of informal office culture can make it especially hard for women to find presence, Ms. Hewlett says. 'Think Silicon Valley, the shlumpy, nerdy, hoodie thing,' she says. 'It's very hard to look like a rock star or leader-Ly if you do the shlumpy, nerdy thing as a woman.' Ms. Hewlett recalls how, for Facebook's 2017 initial public offering, Chief Executive Mark Zuckerberg wore his signature hooded sweatshirt, while Chief Operating Officer Sheryl Sandberg wore a blazer. 'She knew that she couldn't copy the guys,' Ms. Hewlett said. It was 'very smart on her part.'

休利特认为，随着非正式办公室文化的兴起，女性拥有风度会变得尤为困难。她说，想想在硅谷，那种懒散的、书呆子气的连帽衫，如果女性穿上这样的衣服，很难看起来像是摇滚明星或领导者。休利特回忆起在2017年Facebook进行首次公开募股(IPO)时，首席执行长扎克伯格(Mark Zuckerberg)穿着其标志性的连帽运动衫，而首席营运长桑德伯格(Sheryl Sandberg)穿了一件休闲西装。休利特说，桑德伯格知道她不能照搬男性的着装，这是个非常聪明的选择。

Consistency is critical--even though being consistent is difficult in our always-connected lives. 'Presence just can't be there on Mondays when you are rested,' says Jessica James, a 31-year-old Brooklyn, N.Y., development director at a nonprofit. who learned about presence from an executive coach. 'It's there with you when you are on a crowded subway, it's there with you when you have lost your luggage or when you are with your husband,' she says.

“一贯性”至关重要――尽管在我们总是互联的生活中，要保持始终如一是件很难的事情。今年31岁的詹姆斯(Jessica James)来自纽约布鲁克林，她在一家非营利机构担任发展总监。她是从一位高管培训师那里了解到风度这件事的。她表示，风度不是在每个周一你经过周末休息后精神十足时所展现的。詹姆斯说，风度体现在你在拥挤的地铁里时、当你丢了行李时、或者当你和你丈夫在一起时。

Email and texting introduced the need for presence online. Social media has its own set of issues. Beware creating a serious disconnect between your real-life and online presence. You run the risk of falling flat in person. For people who want to highlight another side of themselves on social media, she recommends making sure that other side 'marries well' with the real-life presence.

电子邮件和短信让催生了在网络上展现风度的需要。社交媒体有其自己的特定问题。要提防造成真实生活中和网络上的风度的巨大差异，否则你会面临“见光死”的风险。对于想要在社交媒体上突出自己另一面的人，詹姆斯建议，确保自己展现出的这个另一面与真实生活中的你“嫁接得很好”。

The first step to finding your presence is self-assessment, experts say. Make a list of your strengths and weakness. Then solicit feedback. Ask your spouse, boss, co-workers and even your followers which words come to mind when they think of you. Give these people permission to be totally honest and to be specific.

专家们表示，找到自己风度的第一步是自我评估。首先列出你的优势和劣势，然后征求周围人的反馈意见。询问你的配偶、上司、同事甚至“粉丝”，他们想到你的时候会首先想到哪些词语。允许他们给出完全诚实和具体的回答。

Don't try to be someone you aren't. If, in the 1-to-10 zone of expressiveness, you are naturally a 3 or a 4, don't suddenly try to be an 8 or 9. Still, introverts, defined as people who get their energy from turning inward, can learn something from extroverts, who get their energy from others, says Peggy Klaus, a Berkeley, Calif., executive coach. Watch for the specific things an extrovert does well, like schmoozing at a cocktail party. Think of them as behaviors or skills that can be learned and applied, not as personality changes.

不要试图装扮成一个与你自己本性不一样的人。假如按照1-10的打分划定每个人的表现力，而你的分数是3分或4分，那就不要突然试图装成8分、9分的那种人。不过，加州伯克利的高管培训师克劳斯(Peggy Klaus)说，性格内向者（从自己的内心世界获得能量的人）也能从外向者（从与他人的交流中获得能量的人）学到些东西。观察外向者擅长的具体事务，比如说在一个鸡尾酒派对上与人聊天。把这些想成可以学习并且运用的行为或技能，而不是性格的改变。

There is one thing you absolutely must nail, she says--the ability to talk about yourself 'artfully and gracefully,' in real life and online. 'No one is going to do it for you,' says Ms. Klaus, who wrote a 2003 book, 'Brag! The Art of Tooting your Own Horn Without Blowing It.' She recommends devising a 'brag-a-log,' a short, entertaining story about your personal accomplishments. It isn't a laundry list. It's a story that delivers the same points. Humor and an enthusiastic delivery are musts. 'No one would say that you've bragged about yourself because it was entertaining,' Ms. Klaus says.

她表示，有一件事情你必须搞的定，那就是，不管是在现实生活中还是在网络上，都要拥有艺术地、优雅地介绍自己的能力。克劳斯称，没有人会帮你做这件事情。她曾在2003年写了一本书，名为《吹嘘：如何不露痕迹地自吹自擂》(Brag! The Art of Tooting your Own Horn Without Blowing It)。她建议策划一篇“吹嘘日志”，也就是一个介绍自己个人成就的简短而有趣的故事。这不能像一篇流水账那么无聊，而应是一个能够传递出同样信息的故事。幽默以及热情洋溢的表达是必须的。克劳斯说，因为故事很有趣，所以没有人会说你是在自吹自擂。