实用社交课堂：11种方式做一个主动倾听的人

Listening is arguably the most important element of interpersonal communication. Our ability to listen well impacts the quality of all of our relationships, and not just at home with our family and friends—it can also affect our relationships and interactions on the job, as well as the effectiveness and quality of our work.

倾听可以说是人际交往中最重要的因素。我们倾听的能力影响了我们人际关系的好坏，不只是和我们的家人朋友的关系——它也会影响我们在工作中的关系和相互作用，而且也会影响到我们工作的效率和质量。

Listening is not something that comes naturally or easily for most of us, however; it is a skill that must be cultivated and practiced. Active listening means, as its name suggests, means that we make a conscious and concerted effort to fully engage with the speaker. Active listening is the difference between simply hearing, and listening with the intent to truly understand. It is a subtle but important distinction.

对于我们大部分人来说，倾听并不是自然和简单的事，然而它是一个我们必须加以训练的技能。主动倾听，顾名思义，表示我们与讲话的人做出了有意识的和协调一致的努力。积极倾听不同于简单的听见，而且有目的的倾听才能去理解。这是一种微妙但是重要的区别。

A Few Active Listening Guidelines

几条主动倾听的指南：

1. Give focused attention

集中注意力

Try to minimize external distractions. Turn down the noise, and put down or step away from what you’re doing if possible. Also, set aside other internal thinking and dialogue. Don’t watch the clock, fidget or go over your to-do list for later.

尽量减少外部干扰。将噪声降低，如果可能的话请停止你正在做的事情。同时，抛开其他的思维活动和内心对话。不要看表、坐立不安或者翻看你的待办事项。

2. Maintain eye contact

保持眼神接触

Direct eye contact shows your attention and intention to listen. This doesn’t mean stare though. Intense eye contact can be intimidating to some—especially the shy or introverted. Be reasonable, but try not to let your eyes wander to whatever is going on around you.

直接的目光接触表现了你倾听的注意力和意图，但这不表示要盯着看。激烈的眼神接触可能吓到一些人——特别是害羞或性格内向的人。要有合理的眼神接触，但是不要让眼神游离于周围发生的事情上。

3. Smile

微笑

Facial expressions convey a lot, and a smile is open, inviting, and encouraging.

面部表情传达了很多信息，微笑是坦率、有魅力、鼓舞的表达。

4. Watch body language

注意身体语言

Be conscious of your body language. Keep an open posture, a non-aggressivestance, face the speaker(s), lean in rather than away, watch your hands, how you tilt your head and your expressions. (For instance, I tend to cross my arms in front of me because it feels comfortable and wrinkle my brow because I’m concentrating, but this body language can appear defensive or critical, so I need to make an effort to soften a bit.) Pay attention to the speaker’s body language as well. It works both ways.

要对你的身体语言多加注意。做出坦率的姿势，不要有攻击性，面对着谈话者，靠向他而不是远离他，不要夹着手，注意头部倾斜的角度和表情。（比如，我因为舒适而倾向于双手环抱在胸前，因为专注而略微皱眉头，但是这种身体语言表示防卫和批判，因此我需要努力变得温和一些。）同时，注意讲话者的身体语言。这种语言是双向的。

5. Offer encouragement

给予鼓励

Nod occasionally, and offer a judiciously placed ‘Yes,’ “OK”. ‘I understand”, or“Good”. Just be careful not to overdo it or you risk coming across as irritating or rushing. If used sparingly and authentically, encouragement is affirming.

偶尔点头，并且在合适的时机说“是的”、“好的”、“我理解”和“不错”等话。但是请注意，这些词语不能过量使用，否则你会给人恼怒和冲动的印象。如果我们偶尔正确地使用它们，那就肯定可以给予他人鼓励。

6. Allow silence

允许沉默

Silence in a conversation can be scary, but a pause allows the speaker to gather their thoughts and for you to digest what is being said.

在一场谈话中，沉默看起来很吓人，但是暂停可以让讲话者整理他的想法，并且让你消化已经说过的话。

7. Don’t interrupt!

不要打断！

It’s disrespectful and distracting.

这很无理，而且会让讲话者分心。

8. Reflect back

反馈

Restate, but don’t repeat verbatim. Paraphrase what you think the other party is saying with responses such as: “What I’m hearing is…” or “Let me see if I’m following you…” Reflecting back what you’ve heard signals that you’re attempting to understand fully.

重申，而不是逐字重复。用你的方式讲出对方的话，比如：“我听到的是……” 或者“我让想想，我理解你的意思应该是……”反映你听到的信息表明了你的充分了解。

9. Clarify

澄清

Ask relevant questions to make sure you understand. Make them open-ended questions, if possible. A “yes” or “no” may confirm, but an explanation offers more information. Probe for feelings.Sometimes the emotions behind the words are more important than the words themselves when someone is seeking to be understood.

为了确保理解，提问相关的问题。如果可以的话，问题需要是开放式的。一个“是”或者“不”可以确认，但是解释会提供更多的信息。寻求意见。有时，如果有人想要被理解，言语后的情感比言语本身更重要。

10. Keep an open-mind

保持开放的心态

Defer judgments, whether agreement or disagreement and don’t make assumptions. Wait until the speaker is finished before formulating opinions. It’s so hard not to think about what you’re going to say next, especially if there’s disagreement, but you miss what is being said if you’re thinking about your own response.

不要急于判断是否同意，也不要提出假设。在发言者表达观点前，稍作等待。不去想你将要说什么很困难，特别是当你有不同意见时，但是如果你在想自己的回复时，你会错过正在说的东西。

11. Respond appropriately

做出适当的回应

Be open and honest in your responses. Share your thoughts, in sights and feelings in a clear, but respectful and considerate manner. You can acknowledge the speaker’s concerns and thoughts even if you disagree…especially when you disagree.

做出坦率和真诚的回复。明显和清晰地分享你的想法，但是要有礼貌和适当的表达。即使你不同意，你也可以表示接收到了讲话者的观点……特别是当你不同意时。

Active listening is a model for good communication. Remember that listening is not just to gather informationand share ideas, but also to gain perspective and understanding. It takes practice to develop active listening skills, and it’s a habit that has to be reinforced. Remind yourself that the goal of conversation is not merely to trade words, but to truly understand what the other party is saying and to be understood in turn.

主动倾听是良好的沟通方式。请记住，倾听不只是单纯的收集信息和分享想法，而且也是获得观点和理解的方式。倾听需要通过练习来提升主动倾听的技巧，而且这是一个必须加强的习惯。提醒自己，谈话的目的不只是言语交换，而是真正理解对方的意思，并且也要被对方理解。