人们形形色色的请假理由

Now that summer vacation season is just a memory, and winter cold-and-flu season is looming, it's a good time to contemplate people's reasons for calling in to say that they are just not planning to show up.

夏天假期已经悄悄过去，寒冷难耐、流感横行的冬天即将来临。盘点人们形形色色的请假理由，现在正是时候。

Of course, no sane manager expects 100% attendance from everybody all the time. Life doesn't work that way. Have I ever told you about the time I tripped over my dog and had to go to the emergency room to get 17 stitches? No? Well, of course not. Who wants to admit to being unable to navigate a room without tripping over a dog?

当然，但凡理智的老板都不会期望所有员工的出勤率都保持在100%。这是不现实的。我有没有说过我曾经被狗绊了一跤，结果去急诊室缝了17针？这样的糗事我当然不会声张了，谁愿意主动承认在自己家里还会被狗绊倒摔一跤呢？

And while we're on this thread, here's another thing: Who doesn't take a mental-health day every once in a while? Answer (you know it): A really scary person you would not want to be around. Or work for.

既然说到这个问题，还有一件事：谁敢说自己不会每隔一段时间就会有一天精神恍惚？如果真有这样的人，那他肯定非常恐怖，不会有人愿意与他打交道。更别提一起共事了。

We get it. Really. But there are limits.

所以，对于请假我们都非常理解。但凡事总有限度。

Or are there? Job site CareerBuilder recently asked 2,696 human resources managers and 4,384 full-time employees for the "most unusual" reasons for absence that they had heard, seen, or perpetrated. The researchers got some intriguing answers. Here are a few:

但事实果真如此吗？最近，求职网站凯业必达（CareerBuilder）对2,696名人力资源经理和4,384名全球员工进行了调查，征询他们听说的、见过的或者自己用过的“最不同凡响”的缺勤理由。调查人员得到了一些有趣的答案。比如：

The employee:

• Fell out of bed and broke his nose

• Caught a cold from a puppy

• Got sick from eating too much at a party

• Had to go to the hospital after accidentally drinking antifreeze

• Hurt his back chasing a beaver

• Got his toe caught in a vent cover

• Developed a headache from attending too many garage sales

员工：

• 从床上掉下来，摔破了鼻子

• 感染了“狗流感”

• 参加派对吃得太多，吃坏了肚子

• 不小心喝了防冻液，不得不去医院就医

• 捉海狸的时候伤到了背部

• 脚趾头被排气孔给卡住了

• 疯狂赶场参加旧货交易，结果导致头痛

There is a special category for absentees that were victims of peculiar accidents:

• Bats got into the employee's hair.

• A refrigerator fell on the employee.

• A bucket filled with water crashed through the ceiling of a bowling alley and hit the employee on the head.

• A deer bit the employee while he was hunting.

• While the employee's hamster was giving birth, she was so sickened by the process that she (the employee, not the hamster) passed out.

而有一些缺勤者给出的理由更是匪夷所思：

• 蝙蝠钻进了头发

• 冰箱倒了，砸在身上

• 一只装满水的水桶砸破保龄球馆的屋顶，恰好又砸在自己的头上

• 打猎时被一只鹿咬伤了

• 宠物仓鼠要产崽，整个过程让人恶心不已，于是，她（员工本人，而不是仓鼠）晕了过去。

If there were a prize, it would have to go to a chef who, in his lucrative job as second-in-command in the kitchen of a prestigious high-volume restaurant, "had pre-existing allergies he chose not to disclose to us," said the person who hired him.

当然，如果对请假理由进行评奖的话，大奖非一位大厨莫属。他在一家著名的餐厅担任副厨师长，这家餐厅生意火爆，而且给他的待遇也十分丰厚。他的老板说：“他称自己之前就有过敏症，只不过一直没有跟我们透露。”

The fellow was allergic, it turned out, to so many different comestibles that, after all his paid sick days and vacation were used up, he "ultimately was moved to a role where he didn't touch food."

原来这位大厨对许多食物过敏，于是在用完了所有带薪病假和假期之后，他“终于找了一份不需要跟食物打交道的工作。”

Okay. Plenty of chefs don't touch food (they conceptualize: their minions mince the shallots and deglaze the saucepans), but I still have one niggling question: Who accidentally drinks antifreeze? Could it have been the deer hunter who let the deer get close enough to bite him?

好吧。许多厨师都不碰食物（这是后厨的规矩 ：由下属负责切洋葱和清洗炒锅之类的杂活）。但我还是不明白：谁会不小心喝防冻液呢？会不会是那个猎鹿人一直等着那只鹿走过来咬他？

Now, that is a story I would like to hear.

我倒想听听他们的解释。