永远别对孩子说这些话

It's my way or the highway

你爱听不听

According to a study done at the University of New Hampshire, children of authoritarian parents-ones who demand compliance from children without an explanation of why they've established rules and standards-are more likely to be disrespectful and get themselves into trouble. They say having rules is fine, but respectful, two-way communication with your kids is also important.

新罕布什尔大学所做的一项研究表明，独裁父母所教出来的孩子--不解释自己为什么设立这样的规则和标准就要求孩子遵守的父母--更有可能不尊重他人，或者惹上麻烦。研究员说设定规则没问题，但一定要尊重他人，与孩子的双向交流也很重要。

You should be ashamed of yourself

你该为自己感到羞耻

Not only is shame unhealthy for people of all ages, it can make kids who have high self-esteem act aggressively, according to researchers at the University of Michigan. Narcissistic kids feel more threatened when they're shamed, leading them to lash out and respond defensively.

密歇根大学的研究员表示，羞耻感不仅不利于任何年龄段人群的健康，而且还会让自尊心强的小孩充满攻击性。感到羞耻时，自恋的小孩会感到更多的威胁，从而导致他们带有攻击性的回击、反应。

You're perfect

你很完美

If your child has low self-esteem, you might think it's a great idea to praise them highly when they do something well. Not so, says Brad Bushman, professor of communication and psychology at Ohio State. Instead, it might make them anxious about having to meet high standards, which can lead to avoiding new challenges.

如果你的孩子自尊心低，那你可能会觉得在他们表现优异时大肆表扬他们是个好方法。但事实并非如此，俄亥俄州立大学传播与心理学教授布拉德·布希曼说道。相反，这样做可能会让他们焦虑，觉得自己一定要达到高标准，从而不想迎接新挑战。

You're so special

你很特别

Naturally, many parents think their children are special. But telling a child they are better or more deserving of success than other kids can turn them into a little narcissist, according to research done at Ohio State University. Narcissism isn't just garden-variety high self-esteem, but the belief that others are not as good.

当然，很多家长都认为自己的孩子很特别。但告诉孩子他们比其他孩子更棒，或者更值得成功却会让他们变得有点小自恋，俄亥俄州立大学的研究表示。自恋不仅仅是一般的自尊心强，而且还认为其他人没那么好。

You'll always be my little girl/boy

你永远都是爸妈的小公主/小王子

It's natural for parents to want to protect their kids from harm. But it's important to help them develop the skills needed to grow into independent adults. Otherwise, say University of Granada researchers, they may develop "Peter Pan syndrome": the desire to stay in adolescence forever, avoiding life's responsibilities and challenges.

父母想要保护自己的小孩不受伤害，这很正常。但帮助他们学习独立成年人所需的技能也是很重要的。否则，格拉纳达大学的研究人员说道，他们可能会发展"彼得潘综合症"：希望自己一直停留在青春期，逃避生活中的责任和挑战。

Everything's OK-I'm not upset

一切都很好--我没有不高兴

Parents are often advised not to let their children see when they're upset. But a new study from the University of Toronto says hiding feelings can impede a "high quality parent-child bond" and also make the parent feel worse. Researchers say gently acknowledging the feelings in terms a child can understand may be the better approach.

家长经常听到这样的建议：不要让孩子看到自己不高兴的一面。但多伦多大学的一项新研究表明：隐藏情感会阻碍"浓厚的亲子关系"，也会让父母的感受更糟。研究员说，以孩子能懂的方式委婉的承认自己的感受可能会更好。