如何提高人际吸引力：这招社交法则让你人见人爱

我们身边总有些社交达人，无论和谁都能迅速热络攀谈，他们深谙人际交往之道，三言两语便可讨得对方欢心。要想和他们一样人见人爱，其实也不难。除了微笑、赞美几个常见套路之外，你还需要发自内心地相信你是人见人爱的。因为当你认为别人会喜欢你时，你会表现得更自然，看起来更友善，这会让你更讨喜。

If you want to make a great first impression -- and why wouldn't you? -- you know there are basic steps you can take: Smile, make eye contact, listen more than you talk, ask questions about the other person. Anyone can do those things.

众所周知，如果想给人留下良好的第一印象（为什么不呢？），你可以采取以下几个常规套路：微笑，眼神交流，少说多听，向对方提问。这些是每个人都能做到的。

But what you might not know is that if you think other people are going to like you, they usually will.

但你可能不知道，如果你心里认为对方会喜欢你，通常对方真的会喜欢你。

As research shows, interpersonal warmth explains the self-fulfilling prophecy of anticipated acceptance; study participants who expected to be accepted were perceived as more likable. (Or in non-researcher speak, when you think other people will like you, you act more naturally and come across as friendlier -- which then makes people like you more since we tend to like warm, friendly people.)

研究表明，人际温暖解释了自我应验的预期接纳预言；希望被认可的研究对象被认为更讨人喜欢。（用通俗的语言解释，就是当你认为别人会喜欢你时，你会表现得更自然，看起来更友善——这会让你更讨人喜欢，因为人们通常更青睐热情友好的人。）

All of which sounds great, but the trick, when you're shy or insecure, is actually believing that other people will like you. When you're in an unfamiliar setting or an uncomfortable position, it's a lot easier to assume people won't like you.

这听起来很有道理，但这个方法要你在害羞或不安时，真心相信别人会喜欢你。可是当你身处一个陌生环境或尴尬境地时，更容易假设对方不会喜欢你。

So how can you convince yourself that people will like you? Positive self-talk ("They're going to love me!") won't cut it.

那你怎么能说服自己是人见人爱的呢？积极的自我对话（“他们会爱我的！”）是不够的。

Instead, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and commit to taking a few steps that ensure almost anyone will like you. (When results are basically guaranteed, it's easy to feel more confident and self-assured.)

你可以做的是，闭上眼睛，深吸一口气，并坚持使用几个让你人见人爱的招数。（当效果基本上得到保证时，你会更容易保持自信感。）

1. Give a genuine compliment.

真诚的赞美。

Everyone loves to be praised, especially since no one gets enough praise.

每个人都喜欢接受表扬，尤其现在每个人得到的赞美似乎都不够。

Show interest by asking questions. But go past, "What do you do?" Ask what it's like to do what the person does. Ask what's hard about it. Ask what the person loves about it. You'll soon find things to compliment.

通过提问表现出兴趣。但不要细问对方“你是做什么的？”，问问从事这份工作是什么感觉，有什么困难之处，喜欢哪些方面。你很快就会发现值得赞美的地方。

2. Focus on letting people talk about themselves.

着重让人们谈论自己。

People love to talk about themselves. (And even if they didn't, they can't help it.)

人们喜欢谈论自己。（即使他们不喜欢，也会情不自禁。）

Research shows approximately 40 percent of everyday speech is spent telling other people what we think or feel -- basically, talking about our subjective experiences.

研究表明，人们的日常会话有40%的内容是在向别人讲述自己的想法或感受，基本上谈论的都是自己的主观经历。

In fact, we almost can't help sharing our thoughts and feelings: Research also shows that talking about ourselves, whether in person or on social media, triggers the same pleasure sensation in the brain as does money or food.

事实上，我们几乎忍不住要分享自己的想法和感受：研究还显示，无论是在生活中还是在社交网络上表达自己，都会让大脑产生一种愉悦感，这种感觉和大脑受到金钱或食物刺激时产生的愉悦感相同。

By helping people talk about themselves, you're seen as a great conversationalist even when you actually say very little. And in the process, you also make other people feel better about themselves, which makes them like you.

让人们表达自我，这样即使你说的很少，也会被视为一个优秀的健谈者。而在这个过程中，你还让对方自我感觉良好，让自己更讨喜。

That's another win-win.

这是另一个双赢的做法。

3. Change one word.

换一种说法。

Think about the difference in these statements:

想一想下面这些说法的区别：

"I had to go to a meeting."

“我得去开会。”

"I got to meet with some great people."

“我要和一些优秀的人见面。”

"I have to interview some candidates for a job."

“我得面试一些求职者。”

"I get to select a great person to join our team."

“我要选择一个优秀的人加入我们的团队。”

No big deal, right? Wrong. We like to be around happy, enthusiastic, and motivated people.

没什么区别，是吗？错了。我们喜欢身边人是快乐、热情、积极的。

Keep in mind choosing the right words also affects how you feel. Don't say, "I have to go to the gym." Say, "I want to go to the gym."

记住，选择恰当的言辞也会影响你的感受。不要说：“我不得不去健身房。”而是说：“我想去健身房。”

4. Show a little vulnerability.

稍微示弱。

Great teams are often led by people willing to admit weaknesses and failings. Great friends are also willing to be vulnerable.

优秀团队的领导者通常愿意承认缺点和失败。好的朋友也愿意展示脆弱的一面。

Want to make a great first impression? Don't try to impress. Instead, be humble. Share your screwups. Admit your mistakes. Be the cautionary tale. Laugh at yourself.

想给人留下良好的第一印象吗？不要试图惊艳对方。相反，要谦虚。分享你的糗事。承认你的错误。做反面教材，学会自嘲。

When you do, other people won't laugh at you. They'll laugh with you.

当你这样做的时候，别人不会嘲笑你。他们会和你一起笑。

And they'll immediately like you, and want to be around you more.

他们会立刻喜欢上你，并且更想和你呆在一起。