原来男性也会被女性虐待

When Jacob Noll* was growing up in the Midwest, he could never have imagined he would experience domestic violence. "I was a straight, white guy in a normal, small town that kind of catered to people like me," he says wryly. "My family was really close. My folks are still together. There were no big family problems that would have given me some kind of a window into how dark the world can be." Yet Noll spent several years in such darkness after falling in love with Courtney, a woman he met online.

雅克布•诺尔在中西部长大，他从未想过自己会被家暴。“我是直男，很正常的一个白人小伙儿，我长大的小镇也养育了和我一样的人，”他苦涩的说道。“我的家人关系很好。我的家人们现在还住在一起。家庭内部没有什么大的矛盾，因此我没有机会知道世界是如何的黑暗。”但是诺尔在网上认识了考特尼，并爱上了她，从而度过了好几年的黑暗时光。

Courtney was a year older than Noll, and from the start, he was enchanted by her presence online. She was pretty, he says, but more than that, she found him funny and engaging. Noll says he "made a play" to meet Courtney in person - they lived a few hours apart from each other - and was disappointed when she declined. But a year later, in 2006, she emailed Noll "out of the blue." She was just out of a relationship and asked if he wanted to get together. "I ran at it," he says of her offer. "It was an adventure to get to know her because she lived far away."

考特尼比诺尔大一岁，一开始的时候，诺尔就被考特尼的网上形象给迷住了。他说她很好看，而且她还觉得他有趣迷人。诺尔说他“试图”约考特尼本人见面——他们之间只隔着几小时车程——被考特尔拒绝后，他十分失望。但一年后，也就是2006年，她突然给诺尔发了封邮件。那时候她刚刚分手，问诺尔想不想要和她在一起。“我跑过去了，”他回复道。“因为她住的很远，所以了解她就像是一场冒险。”

It was the summer of 2006, and Noll was 22 years old. He was a somewhat rudderless college grad; he wanted to do big things, but wasn't sure what that looked like. Instead, he poured his energies into nurturing a relationship with Courtney. She was charming and funny, but also vulnerable. He thought he could help her, perhaps be her knight in shining armor. The long-distance relationship progressed quickly. Even from the beginning, Noll saw signs of volatility, but he always found a way to write them off, even when they involved Courtney's episodes of drinking too much and passing out. "I would always put it back on myself and say, 'You're a guy who's not good with emotions and feelings. You're dumb, you're a dunce, and she just knows more [about feelings]’," he admits.

那时候是2006年夏天，诺尔当年22岁。他是个不知前途在何方的大学毕业生；他想成就一番大业，但又不知道自己想做什么。反而，他倾注全力和考特尼在一起。她风趣有魅力，但也很脆弱。他以为披着闪亮的铠甲，做她的骑士就能帮到她。这段异地恋进展的很快。即使刚开始诺尔就发现了俩人感情关系不确定的因素，但他也总能想办法去除这些因素。“我总是把问题归咎到自己身上，自言自语‘你是个不擅长处理情感的人。你是傻瓜、是笨蛋，她对情感的了解比你多了去了’，”他承认道。