2017届高考英语书面表达练讲指导评析（第三部分）考场习作评析（一）

　　2017届高考英语书面表达专题指导、练讲及习作评析（第三部分考场习作评析）（一）

　　2017届高考英语书面表达专题指导、练讲及习作评析

　　本系列资料分为三个部分

　　第一部分 2017届高考英语书面表达专题指导

　　专题文字提纲式作文专题指导（含课件和文字稿）专题指导（含课件和文字稿）专题三图表式作文专题指导（含课件和文字稿）专题四开放式作文专题指导（含课件和文字稿）（文字稿）专题文字提纲式作文练评一（含课件和文字稿）练评二（含课件和文字稿）

　　练评三（含课件和文字稿）

　　练评四（含课件和文字稿）

　　专题练评一（含课件和文字稿）

　　练评二（含课件和文字稿）

　　练评三（含课件和文字稿）

　　练评四（含课件和文字稿）

　　专题三图表式作文练评一（含课件和文字稿）

　　练评二（含课件和文字稿）

　　练评三（含课件和文字稿）

　　练评四（含课件和文字稿）

　　专题四开放式作文练评一（含课件和文字稿）

　　练评二（含课件和文字稿）

　　练评三（含课件和文字稿）

　　练评四（含课件和文字稿）

　　一（含课件和文字稿）（含课件和文字稿）（含课件和文字稿）（含课件和文字稿）……

　　（说明：这一块视具体情况可以比四个更多。）

　　第三部分 2017届高考英语书面表达考场习作评析

　　（一）

　　陈若琳，1992年12月12日生于江苏南通。4岁开始练习跳水。她克服困难，艰苦训练。拼搏精神指引她成功，在2017年伦敦奥运会上获得两枚金牌。请你结合陈若琳的例，并根据以下提示，用英语写一篇短文，谈谈你对拼搏精神的看法。

　　拼搏精神的意义 1.激励我们直面困难；

　　竭力实现目标，走向成功；

　　……

　　如何培养拼搏精神 1.要坚信人人都有获得成功的潜力；

　　2.遇到挫折不气馁，从失败中学习；

　　……

　　注意：对所给要点逐一陈述，适当发挥，不要简单翻译；

　　词数150左右；

　　参考词汇：拼搏精神 fighting spirit

　　培养 cultivate 挫折setback

　　Chen Ruo Lin is our pride. ⑵She was born in 1992.12.12,and started to swim when shefight from now on.

　　【习作评析】

　　在评析考生考场习作之前，先让我们来看一看该书面表达的最基本的要点是什么。

　　习14句15①习作简单句。本文使用了个简单句，使文章增加了可读性；

　　②习作注意了过渡词、过渡句的使用。如： To begin with, … ⑾What’s more,…⒀Last but not least, …等。这样的运用使得文章表达连贯；

　　③习作注意了高级词汇的运用的使用使文章增色不少。：overcame，be firmly convincedt no time should we give up，without delaying ，Last but not least，form the habit of等等。

　　④习作注意运用了变通表达法。遇到挫折facing the setback”和“when we are in trouble”。

　　⑤习作注意了动词时态的正确运用。如：第一段介绍陈若琳Fighting spirit instructed her succeed and she achieved two gold medals eventually.要改成“Fighting spirit led her to succeed and she won two gold medals eventually.” ⑹First, it inspires us facing the setback and difficulties bravely. 要改成“First, it inspires us to face the setback and difficulties bravely.” ⑽To begin with, we should be firmly convinced that everyone is possible to succeed. 要改成“To begin with, we should be firmly convinced that everyone is likely to succeed.”

　　②要避免汉语式的表达。如：She was born in 1992.12.12要改成“She was born on December 12, 1992”。

　　③某些表达不到位。如：在表达“陈若琳，1992年12月12日生于江苏南通She was born in Nantong, Jiangsu Province, on December 12, 1992”。“… she achieved two gold medals eventually.”要表达成“…she won two gold medals at the 2017 London Olympic Games eventually.”

　　④要避免“画蛇添足”的现象。如：“Chen Ruo Lin is our pride.”这一句简直就是一句废话。

　　⑤习作增加的要点给人的印象是：有点不着边际。如：⑺Second, we should try our best to achieve our goals from the meaning of fighting spirit and then we will succeed. ⑻Last, we can learn much such as cooperation from fighting. ⒁We can succeed if we take measures to fight from now on.等句子让读者感到似有“凑数”的嫌疑。

　　【修改后的习作】

　　Chen Ruolin was born in Nantong, Jiangsu Province, on December 12, 1992 and started to swim when she was 4. She overcame a great many difficulties and worked hard. Fighting spirit led her to succeed and she won two gold medals at the 2017 London Olympic Games eventually.

　　What’s the meaning of fighting spirit? First, it inspires us to face the setback and difficulties【参考答案】

　　Born in Nantong, Jiangsu Province on December 12, 1992, Chen Ruolin took up diving at the age of four. Since then, she has been training hard and overcoming whatever difficulty that she meets. She won two gold medals at the 2017 London Olympic Games. It is her fighting spirit that has led her to success.

　　In my opinion, fighting spirit plays an important role in our lives. It encourages us to move