2017届高考英语考前冲刺精品复习讲义(北师大版):写作(十六)
去年寒假我同父亲去乡下看望奶奶,我多年未回家乡,看到那儿发生了很大的变化。这次故乡之行使我学到了不少东西。我打算今后每两年回去一次。学生习作·外教批改
During my last winter holiday,I went to the1countryside with my father to visit mygrandma with_my_father.2
I found a_large_change great changes there.The first time I came_back3 returned,theyare_live4 were all living in dirty homes with dogs and ducks and any5 otheanimals.Now,6 But last winter when I returned, they had a_big_house_to_birth_chickens.7 They also have8 had some poles
in_which_it_has9_some_fish fishponds.Every year,they sell it_and_have the fish for a lot of money.
A lot of villagers in my grandma’s village have10 had two-storeyed
houses,evidencing that their life11 lives becoming better_and_better12 had improved.I felt very happy.
During my trip,I found they_are13 all the villagers friendly and hard-working.I think these characteristics are worth of learning.
At the end of my trip,I told my father that I had_planned14 that_I_would_come_back planned to return every two years.He admitted15 agreed that it was a good idea.
,
旁 批
1.country或countryside前要加定冠词the。
2.注意词序。要保证你的句子不会产生歧义。原句的意思是你拜访与你父亲住在一起的祖母。
3.如果用come,就表示作者写此文时仍在家乡。
4.原句中的they are live是一个常见的错误,不符合英语的语法。这里应该用过去进行时态。
5.你不是在说明数量,所以不必用any。
6.不是现在(now),是去年冬天(last winter)。
7.这句的意思很不清楚,所以无法进行修改。“他们有一幢大的房子养鸡”还是“他们造了一间很大的鸡舍让鸡住”?
8.注意保持时态一致!
9.这不是英语,是按中文字面翻译的。参见改写后的句子。
10.虽然这个情况可能现在仍是真实的,但故事发生在去年冬天,所以要用过去时态。
11.你谈到的是村民们,而不只是一个人,所以life需要用复数形式。
12.使用更直接的语言。improve比better and better更好。高中水平还使用better and better这个词组不合适。
13.改写后使宾语更清楚。动词find的结构是:find someone+形容词。
14.如果用过去完成时态(had planned)就意味着作者不再打算这样做了。这里的打算发生在告诉父亲的同时,所以只要用一般过去时态即可。
15.在这里用admit不正确。它的意思是不情愿地同意某事是真实的。参见改写后的句子。虽然文章组织得当,题目要求也都在内容中体现出来,但词汇量不足以及时态的混淆降低了作文的等级。
为避免这些错误,写你知道的东西。如果你不知道表达某种观点的词汇,就不要提到它。想想其他可写的东西。例如在这篇作文中,作者不应该提到池塘和鸡舍,因为他/她不清楚这些词的英文表达。他应该挑自己熟悉的东西写,或者写一些更平常的东西。
高分作文秘诀之九:使用恰当的过渡语。例如:
表示转折关系的过渡语:however,nevertheless,on the other hand,on the contrary,conversely表示递进关系的过渡语:in addition,besides,moreover,furthermore,what’s more,what’s worse,to make matters worse,the most important of all,worst of all,especially,in particular,on top of that
表示结果关系的过渡语:therefore,thus,consequently,as a result,that’s why...
表示顺序关系的过渡语:firstly,secondly,thirdly,lastly/finally/eventually,last but not least,to begin with,after that,meanwhile
表示总结的过渡语:in conclusion,in brief,in short,in a word,on the whole,to sum up
表示个人观点的过渡语:in my opinion,as far as I’m concerned,personally,as for me,to be frank
表示他人观点的过渡语:It is widely accepted that...;A commonly held idea is that...;It is taken for granted that...最近,你和父母回到家乡。你看到了家乡新建的一所学校,发现它与影集中父亲的母校的照片有很大的差别。请你根据下面的一组图画,描述这两所学校的不同情况,并谈谈你的感想。
注意:
1.词数120左右;
2.可以适当增加细节,以使行文连贯。
参考范文:
The two pictures show how greatly my father’s hometown has changed in the past twenty years.
In the past,my father’s school was a big yard with a row of old houses.There was a flag pole standing alone in the yard.Several trees were planted around the houses.There was little sports equipment in it.The new school in my father’s hometown consists of a tall building and a large playground.All kinds of sports facilities can be seen on the playground.With trees and flowers in the school yard,it looks like a big garden.
It is clear that the living conditions in our country have changed greatly and so has children’s learning environment.
MBA申请准备——Essay写作
“招惹某人”怎么说
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“上当了吧”怎么说
Terry Davis came out swinging
“……才怪”怎么说
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“与时俱进”怎么说
“真玄”怎么说
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“全天候”怎么说
“上大号”怎么说
Shake a leg: 赶快
Gut reaction?
你常听免费的webinar吗?
你是“鞋子控”吗?
Go places 有成就
Tighter ship?
“真差劲”怎么说
“萝卜青菜,各有所爱”怎么说
Off color?
Catch some Zs:小睡一下
“你真厉害”怎么说
“实话实说”怎么说
Kick ass:了不起
俚语一箩筐
“Booboo”:错误
你会使用信用卡吗
Room Service 是客房服务吗?
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