在孩子面前我会做这些事为他们树立榜样

1. Throwing Trash Out My Car Window

1. 从车窗向外扔垃圾

I am guilty of tossing chewed gum out the car window like it was 1979. I remember last year while driving with my son and boyfriend, my son said, "I need to throw my gum out," and Manboy X said, "Just throw it out the window." I attacked him for being totally reckless, irresponsible and being a horrible role model, even though the next time I was driving alone and wanted to spit my gum out, I chucked it out without a thought. That's what WE do, but we can't let our kids know! And yes, I still roll my window down and slyly throw it out, every time. Recently I got caught. And I copped to it. I said, "Oh wow, I didn't even realize I did that!" Which was essentially true. Now that I've been outed, maybe it's time I grow up and stop littering.

好像在1979年，我因为从车窗向外扔口香糖而内疚不已。我还记得去年和男友以及儿子一起开车的时候，我的儿子说道，“我需要把口香糖扔出去，”大男孩X说道，“那就从车窗扔出去好了。”我因为他如此鲁莽、不负责任和成为如此错误的榜样而批评了他，即使下一次我独自一人开车想要吐口香糖的时候，我会毫不犹豫的从车窗吐掉。这是我们（大人）做的事情，但不该让我们孩子知道！是的，我每次仍会慢慢摇下车窗，偷偷地吐掉口香糖。最近我被抓到了，我也认了。我说，“哦，哇哦，我都没有意识到我居然这样做！”这真的是事实。既然我已被逮到，也许我该长大不再丢垃圾了。

2. Not Tying the Bag of Dog Shit

2. 不绑狗屎袋

This has been an ongoing family fight and one that I eventually lost when I decided to poll everyone I know about tying the dog shit bag. But apparently, you're a total jerk if you just toss it in the trash without tying. Even though I lost the fight, I continue not to tie it, probably as a "fuck you" to my accusers. Anyway, I am pretty sure I'm setting an example for my kids on how to be a total douche bag. I think I need to tie the bag.

这一直都是家庭的争论点之一，当我试图让我认识的所有人都绑狗屎袋时，我终于败下阵来。但很显然，如果你绑都不绑就把袋子扔进垃圾桶，那你完全就是个混蛋。即使我输了，我继续不绑狗屎袋，对于指责我的人来说也算是一种“去你的”暗示。无论如何，我敢肯定我为孩子们树立了一个混球的形象。我想我还是需要绑狗屎袋的。

3. Being Gross (Burping, Farting and Crap Jokes)

3. 行为粗俗（打嗝、放屁和讲烂俗的笑话）

I have burped at the dinner table and laughed my head off for a few seconds before realizing I'm a mom and I can't do that. Not to mention I turn around and get upset if a kid does it. Not cool. I have no problem with it for around a solid five minutes before it starts to get out of control, and then I try to stop it but it's too late. I know, I give out mixed messages about this stuff and it has to stop, or the kids may turn out to be a perpetual teenage boy like myself.

我曾在晚宴上打过嗝，在我意识到自己已为人母不能那样做之前，我大笑了好几秒。更别提如果是小孩子这样做我会局促不安伤心不已了。一点都不酷。在失控前我觉得一点都没问题，持续时间足足有5分钟，然后我试着停止但为时已晚。我知道，对于这种事情我给出了混合消息，而这必须得停止了，要不然我的孩子长大后会成为一个永远长不大的青少年小伙儿，就像我一样。