变化才是真
简短未必是美德
许多人将简洁与简短混为一谈,其实二有很大区别。简洁的主旨是用尽量少的词汇讲述整个故事,简短的主旨则是为保持文章篇幅短小,精心撰写或随意删除文中的某些词语或章节。
简洁并不意味着总写短句子。事实上,如果句式缺乏变化,文章就会显得支离破碎,缺少联系,让人觉得写作技巧贫乏。句式的变化能令文章协调而流畅,会让读者感觉到作者对主题把握得游刃有余。虽然短句没什么语法错误,但用得太多会使本应合在一起的意思分离开来。
记住:不要使用一串串短的、支离破碎的句子。要理清自己的思路,尽量使句子长度有所变化。
例:
Before: The Art of Strategy was written by Sun Tzu. It is a fifty-six-hundred-word Chinese classical work. The writer put forth a set of principles in a very tightly compressed manner. They deal with how to defeat oppositions and win battles.
这种表达的问题在于:
简单的主语+谓语结构太多;
written和writer, The Art of Strategy和 It,set of principles和 they为重复用语;
读起来很单调。
After:In his fifty-six-hundred word classic, The Art of Strategy, Sun Tzu put forth a tightly compressed set of principles for achieving triumph over opposition.
介词结构+同位语+主语+谓语的形式比较好,因为将Sun Tzu 放到了最重要成分-主语的位置,其他成分按逻辑排序居次要地位。整个句子很流畅。
再看下面各例
Choppy: Of course, the weapons at Sun Tzus time were quite primitive. The armies were very large. They were nearly as large as those in World War Two. The devastation and human sufferings were just as profound as in World War Two.
Better: Compared with World War Two, the weapons at Sun Tzus time were quite primitive, but the armies were nearly as large and the devastation and human suffering just as profound.
Choppy: Proverbs are short sayings. They are drawn from long experience.
Better: Proverbs are short sayings drawn from long experience.
Choppy: People change and places change as well. Jennifer felt this strongly. She had been away for eleven years.
Better: On returning after an eleven-year absence, Jennifer had a strong feeling of how people and places change.
Choppy: Beijing streets are crowded with taxis, company cars and private vehicles owned by the newly affluent. The number has been rising rapidly in the last few years. The latest statistics show there are now 1.2 million vehicles in Beijing alone.
Better: Taxis, company cars and private vehicles owned by the newly affluent have crammed Beijing streets in rising numbers in the last few years - 1.2 million vehicles at last count.
Choppy: Moby Dick is a book. It is a long book. It is about a whale. A man named Ahab tries to kill it. Herman Melville wrote it.
Better: Herman Melville wrote a long book called Moby Dick. It is the story of a struggle of a man against a whale.
Choppy: Thousands of buildings met the same fate. This alone is now being preserved. It marks the center of the nuclear explosion. It is being preserved as a symbol. It symbolizes our wish that there be no more Hiroshimas.
Better: Of the thousands of buildings that met the same fate, this alone, marking the center of the nuclear explosion, is now being preserved to symbolize our wish that there be no more Hiroshimas.
Choppy: I have always had a dream. My dream has been to be a famous writer. Everyone would read my books. I would become very wealthy.
Better: I have always dreamed of being a wealthy, famous writer, read by everyone.
Choppy: This is a wreck. It was formerly the stately Imperial Garden. It is preserved deliberately as a reminder and symbol.
Better: This wreck, formerly the stately Imperial Garden, is preserved deliberately as a reminder and symbol.
句式变化的一些技巧
英语的一个显著特征是它可轻易地把简单结构转化为复合结构和复杂结构甚至转化为复合-复杂结构。主句,又称独立句,表达可独立成句的思想内容。从句,又称非独立句,表达不能独立成句,而需与主句一起构成完整的思想内容。
达到句式多变的最佳期途径是把关键词或短语换到开头或结尾,从中发现达到你的目的和适合你的品味的最好方法。通过连接短句--省词,增词,改变词序或把不那么重要的思想放到从句中去--你就可以写出更流畅,成熟的句子。
例
Before: Lu Hao graduated last summer. He joined the First Auto Works in Changchun soon after graduation. He received an engineering degree from his college.
采用从句能将这三个简单句以不同方式连接起来。
After: After graduating last summer with an engineering degree, Lu Hao soon joined the First Auto Works in Changchun.
或: An engineering degree-holder, Lu Hao joined the First Auto Works in hangchun last summer soon after graduation.
或: Having graduated with an engineering degree, Lu Hao joined the First Auto Works in Changchun last summer.
4B Unit 10 What’re you going to do? I’m / We’re … 教学随笔
英语阅读方法
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3人英语话剧剧本《新梁祝外传》
从高尔夫感悟到的英语教学方法
关于环境保护的英语情景剧剧本二篇
英语话剧剧本:超级老鼠SUPER MOUSE
新课改中英语听力教学的展开
情感教育在初中英语教学中的应用
4人-6人英语话剧剧本 Be a Good Lover
实现有效教学的前提是读懂学生
问题教学法在英语教学中的应用
6人英语话剧剧本:彩票梦
探索英语单词记忆方法
三年级英语教学随笔
多媒体与英语教学
浅谈任务型教学在小学英语阅读课中的运用
4人搞笑英语短剧剧本
英语短剧:The Fox and the Tiger狐假虎威(6人)
英语课如何给学生提供语言材料
对小学英语认读能力培养的几点想法和做法
浅谈小学英语自主学习能力的培养
初二英语剧本作品欣赏
英语话剧剧本:白雪公主 Snow White
做英语学习后进生的伯乐
英语短剧比赛主持人串词
板书——开启心灵的审美感
5人搞笑英语话剧剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》
浅谈如何保持良好的英语课堂气氛
英文短剧本:白雪公主与七个小矮人Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
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