现代美女到底要高攀还是下嫁

Many successful professional women bemoan the difficulty of finding a husband matching their wealth, social status and education. A recent Wall Street Journal column offers them something to think about.

许多事业有成的女子都哀叹，想要找到一个和自己经济水平、社会地位、受教育程度都相当的意中人实在太难。《华尔街日报》最近的一篇专栏文章则提供了一些建议，可供参考。

The article discusses the upsides of “marrying down”, saying today’s ambitious women need partners who are collaborators rather than traditional breadwinners.

这篇文章认为“下嫁”也许是个不错的选择，因为在今天，雄心勃勃的女性更需要一个善于“合作”的伴侣，而非传统意义上“养家糊口”的丈夫。

Marrying down refers to a woman who marries a man who makes less money or is less educated. The notion of marrying down seems impossibly antiquated, says Sonya Rhodes, a couples therapist and writer of The Wall Street Journal column. It is right out of the Downton Abbey era, says Rhodes, where suitable marriages were entirely a matter of matching people according to social class and fortune.

此处的“下嫁”是指女性与收入或受教育程度不如自己的男性结婚。而在婚姻治疗师、《华尔街日报》撰稿人桑亚•罗兹的眼中，这个概念早已过时。早在英国乡绅贵族鼎盛的“唐顿”时代，一桩婚姻合不合适，才完全依对方的社会地位与身家财产而定。

The notion that women should marry up endured well into the 20th century when relatively few high-paying jobs were available to women and the most successful breadwinners were considered the most desirable mates. But the education and job market has been changing since then. More women are graduating from college and graduate school than men.

而“高攀”的观念之所以在二十世纪一直深入人心，是因为当时的女性很难获得高薪工作，因此最会赚钱养家的男性会被视为最令人满意的伴侣。但是，现在教育和工作机会与昔日相比早已大不相同，每年从高中和大学毕业的女孩甚至比男孩还要多。

In the US, Pew Research Center reported earlier this year that for the first time, “the share of couples in which the wife is the one ‘marrying down’ educationally is higher than those in which the husband has more education.” In 2017, the report notes, 27 percent of newlywed women married a spouse with less education, while only 15 percent of newlywed men did the same.

皮尤研究中心今年早些时候的报告则显示，在美国，妻子受教育程度更高的婚姻比例已经首次超过了丈夫受教育更高的婚姻比例。报告显示，2017年，有27%的美国新婚夫妇，其妻子受教育程度超过了丈夫，而只有15%的夫妇，其丈夫的受教育程度更高。

China is experiencing a similar situation. Statistics released by the Ministry of Education in 2013 showed that in the past three years, more women have been graduating with a master’s degree than men and the gap has been widening.

中国的情况也与之相似：教育部2013年公布的数据显示，在过去的三年间，硕士毕业的女性数量一直高于男性，而二者间的人数差距还在逐年增大。

Suitable match

合适才是王道

Although more education doesn’t necessarily lead to higher pay, in most US cities, single women under 30 now make more money than their male peers, according to analysis by research firm Reach Advisors. Most strikingly, Pew has found that in 24 percent of marriages, women earn more than their husbands, up from 6.2 percent in 1960.

尽管高学历并不一定带来高收入，但是，美国研究机构触角顾问分析发现，在美国的大多数城市里，30岁以下单身女性的收入都高于同龄男性。在皮尤中心的报告中，更令人惊讶的是，有24%的夫妇，其妻子的收入都高于丈夫，而1960年这一比例只有6.2%。

But in real life, says Rhodes, when a successful woman “marries down”, rather than receiving blessings she will be told that she should have found someone more her equal.

但是，罗兹也说道，在现实生活里，如果一个成功的女性选择“下嫁”，那么她将很难得到祝福，相反，更多的人会告诉她：你应该找一个更好的人，才配得上你。

But “marrying down” has its benefits. Rhodes says that for most strong, successful women, the alpha male isn’t the best match. Rhodes says two dominant personalities often engage in power struggles. Confident, dominant women need collaborative partners who aren’t threatened by their strength and will support their goals and achievements, says Rhodes. These men can follow as well as lead. They work but aren’t workaholics. They are willing to share more responsibilities of family life.

不过，“下嫁”也有下嫁的好处。罗兹说：对于一个强势、成功的女性而言，选择一个同样优秀的另一半并不是最合适的。因为，如果两个人控制欲都很强，就会很容易陷入权力的斗争中。相反，自信且控制欲强的女性需要一个“合作型”的伴侣，他们不会因为女方的强势而感到威胁，反而会支持妻子实现她们的人生目标。这样的男性，能屈能伸：他们有自己的工作，却不是工作狂；他们愿意分担更多的家庭责任。

But perhaps the most important lesson when it comes to romance is that we shouldn’t be concerned about marrying up or down, we should just marry the right person.

但说到底还是：“高攀”诚可贵，“低就”价亦高，若为爱情故，二者皆可抛。