“负债恐惧症者”买房记

As far as phobias go, a fear of debt probably isn't the worst. I don't know how I came by mine. It wasn't a disorder that touched the lives of any other member of my family. My parents, bless them, paid for me to go to college, and after that I was on my own.

就恐惧症而言，害怕负债大概并不是最糟糕的。我不知道我是如何患上这种病症的，我家里其他人的生活都没有受到这种病症的影响。我的父母（愿上帝保佑他们）为我支付了大学学费，大学毕业后我就自力更生了。

I was a teaching assistant in graduate school, baby-sat on the side and lived on something my roommate and I called pizza toast. I didn't have a car or a credit card. Once a week I borrowed the neighbor's vacuum. It wasn't a bad life. I was never afraid of low-paying jobs, small apartments or secondhand furniture, but I was terrified of getting in over my head. To that end, as my career progressed, I didn't take advances on books I hadn't written. The idea of owing my publisher was no more palatable than the idea of owing Citicard.

在读研期间，我担任了助教，还兼职替人照看孩子，以被我和室友称为匹萨吐司的食物为主食。那时我没有车子，也没有信用卡，每周我会借用一次邻居的吸尘器。那种生活并不算糟，干着一些工资很低的工作、蜗居在小公寓还有使用二手家具都没有让我害怕过，但我却害怕做超出自己承受能力的事情。出于这一原因，随着我的事业渐有进展，我也不预支我还没有写的书的稿酬。对我来说，拥有一张花旗信用卡(Citicard)的想法跟拥有自己的出版社的想法一样地不切实际。

I was 36 and living in Nashville, Tenn., when I was ready to buy my first house. I waited until I had enough money saved to pay for it. In fact, I had exactly enough money, with around $5,000 to spare. But everyone explained to me that a house required a mortgage, and while a mortgage was in fact a loan, it wasn't really seen as such. A mortgage was part of life. It was adulthood. I should get a mortgage.

在我36岁的时候，我住在田纳西的纳什维尔，准备购置自己的第一套房子。我等到自己存下了足够买房的钱才出手，实际上我存下的钱刚刚够数，约莫还有5,000美元剩余。不过，每个人都和我说买房需要按揭，尽管按揭实际上就是贷款，但事实上大家都不这么认为。按揭贷款是生活的一部分，它就是成年生活的特征之一，我也应该弄一笔按揭贷款。

If you suffer from a crippling case of ophidiophobia and then go spend your life in Ireland, it's easy to imagine you've gotten over your fear of snakes. I had a fear of debt, but having lived my life without debt, I told myself it was no longer a problem. So I went to see a mortgage broker.

如果你患有极其严重的恐蛇症，而后你又到了爱尔兰生活，那么很容易就能想象你已经克服了对蛇的恐惧。我害怕负债，但是由于我活到现在还没有负过债，我告诉自己这不再是什么问题，于是我找到了一名按揭贷款经纪人。

The mortgage broker told me there was no record of my existence, financially speaking.

那名贷款经纪人告诉我，从财务上说，我没有存在于世的记录。

'But I've paid every bill on time,' I said. 'I have money in the bank. I must have a perfect credit rating.'

我辩护道：“可是我按时支付了每份账单，我在银行有存款，我肯定拥有完美的信用评级。

I was told that a credit rating is established by taking out a loan and then paying it back. Who knew? Still, after a great deal of finagling in which my standing in the community, my long connection to the bank and my future royalties were all taken into consideration, I was given a loan. I moved into my house, unpacked some boxes and went to bed. All night long my eyelids stayed rolled up like window shades. I did not own this house. The bank owned this house. I was in debt now, huge debt. I had gone from Ireland straight into the snake pit.

我被告知，信用评级是通过获得贷款、然后再偿还贷款建立起来的。谁知道呢？尽管如此，在经过将我在社区的信誉、我与银行的长期来往以及我未来的版税全都考虑进去的大量调查之后，我获得了贷款。我搬进了自己的房子，拆开几个箱子，然后上床睡觉。整个晚上我的眼皮都像卷着的遮阳卷帘一样没有合上过。我并不是这套房子的所有者，银行才是它的所有者。现在我负债了，而且是一大笔债，我就好比有恐蛇症的人从爱尔兰径直走进了蛇窝。

For a few days I held it together. I painted the rooms myself, got a book and figured out some very basic principles of plumbing and wiring. Now that I was in debt I figured I should live on the cheap, something I didn't do as a rule. (I might not spend more than what I had, but I was perfectly capable of spending what I had). Then I got my booklet of payment coupons.

接下来的几天，我回过了神。我自己粉刷了房间，我还弄来了一本书，搞清楚了一些关于管道和布线的非常基础的原则。现在我已经负债了，于是我想我应该节俭过日子，尽管这并不是我平常的生活方式。（我或许不会花钱透支，但我完全能够有多少就花多少。）然后，我收到了我的利息单。

You may think it odd that a person could reach the age of 36 without having any understanding of how loan payments worked─that in those early and middle years a person is only paying off the interest─but these were the facts of life I had so assiduously shielded myself from. I called my stepsister, who is also my friend and my real-estate agent, and asked how this was possible. 'All those people with houses are just paying off interest?' I asked her incredulously. She told me yes, for the most part. She told me that this was the way of the world.

也许你会认为，一个人竟然活到了36岁还对还贷的运作方式──人们在还贷的早期和中期只是还清利息──一无所知真是非常奇怪，但是这些正是我之前一直非常努力避免让自己接触的生活现实。我打电话给我的继妹（她也是我的朋友及房产经纪人），向她询问还贷怎么可能是这样的。我难以相信地问道：“所有那些有房的人都是先还清利息吗？她告诉我，大多数人情况确实如此，还对我说世道就是这样。

I got in my car and drove to the bank. I closed out my mutual fund and my savings account, cashed in the stocks. I got a cashier's check and took it to the mortgage department. The broker was mystified but kind, seeing as how I had just made her do a great deal of work for what would now be no remuneration. I left the coupon book there. Interest. How does everybody fall for that one?

我坐进车子，把车开到了银行。我注销了我的共同基金账户和储蓄账户，还把股票兑了现，接着我拿着一张银行本票，把它带到了按揭部。那名经纪人有些不解，考虑到我刚刚让她做了这么多没有报酬的事情，她的态度还算是不错。最后，我把利息单留在了那儿。利息！为什么大家都喜欢付利息呢？

I remember my father reading 'The Godfather' when I was child. When he got to the scene with the horse's head, he told me about it. Mafiosos, loan sharks, cement shoes all came to symbolize debt in my mind. Maybe that's why this happened to me. Then again, maybe there's nothing I can blame it on. All I know is that when I got into bed that night I was in my own house, the house I owned, and I was broke, and I was happy, and I didn't wake up once during the night.

我记得在我年幼的时候，父亲在读《教父》(The Godfather)，他在读到马头被砍下的那个场景时把这个故事讲给了我听。在我的脑海中，黑手党、高利贷大鳄、黑帮恐吓行为全都开始与债务扯上关系。或许这就是我害怕负债的原因所在，或许我害怕负债没有任何切实的原因。我只知道，那天晚上我上床睡觉时，我睡的是自己的房子，为我所有的房子，同时我也破产了，但是我很开心，整个晚上我一次都没有醒。