如何再次爱上另一半

The saying goes that you can’t help who you fall in love with, and sometimes you just fall out of it too.

俗话说得好：你无法控制自己爱上谁，也无法控制自己不爱谁。

But a new study has found that we can in fact control our hearts with our heads more than we thought - psychologists from the University of Missouri-St. Louis and Erasmus University Rotterdam found that it’s possible to wilfully increase or decrease how much you love someone.

但一项新的研究发现：事实上，我们的头脑对心的控制远比我们想象的大得多——密苏里大学圣路易斯分校和鹿特丹伊拉斯谟大学的心理学家发现：我们可以有意识的增加或减少对某人的爱，这是可能的。

It’s called ‘love regulation’.

这就叫做‘爱情调节’。

The researchers studied 40 people, twenty of whom were in a long-term relationship, and the other half having recently come out of one - the average time since the break-up was three months.

研究人员对40人进行了研究，其中20人已恋爱了很长一段时间，另外一半则刚刚失恋——平均失恋时间为3个月。

Each participant was asked to bring in 30 pictures of their current or ex-partner. First, they were asked how infatuated with and attached to the person they felt and had their brainwaves measured - the researchers particularly looked at the Late Positive Potential (LPP) brainwave, which becomes stronger when we focus on something emotionally relevant.

研究员们要求每一位受试者携带30张现任或前任的照片。首先，研究人员们询问受试者对照片之人的迷恋和喜爱程度，并测量了他们的脑波——研究员们尤其关注了晚正电位（LPP）脑波，当我们专注于情感相关之事时，晚正电位会变得更强。

The participants were then told to look at the pictures and think positive thoughts about their partner, their relationship and their future together, before their brain waves and feelings were measured again.

然后，在又一次测量他们的脑波和情感前，研究员们让受试者看着图片，并积极思考另一半、情感关系以及共同的未来。

But can we really control love? “Control implies suppressing it and being king or queen of it,” Harvard Medical School psychologist Susan David told The Wall Street Journal.

但我们真的可以控制爱吗？“控制意味着抑制或是成为其王或后，”哈佛医学院心理学家苏珊•大卫在接受《华尔街日报》的采访时说道。

So even if we can’t actually control love, we can shape it.

所以即使我们不能控制爱，我们也能塑造爱。

How to fall back in love

如何再次坠入爱情

* Make small changes - whether that’s hugging your partner before leaving for work in the morning or greeting them warmly when you come back, it can make a difference.

* 做出细小的改变——不管是早晨上班前拥抱另一半还是回家时热情的问候他们，都能使一切变得不一样。

* Smile at them - smiling releases the feel-good chemical dopamine and they’ll likely smile back too.

* 对他们微笑——微笑会分泌感觉良好的化学物质多巴胺，反过来，他们也很有可能对你微笑。

* Think positively - focus on the things you like about your partner, imagine happy times in the future and write them down.

* 思想乐观——专注于你喜欢对方的那些方面，想象未来的美好时光，并将这些付诸纸笔。

* Don’t sweat the small stuff - try not to resent your partner for failing to take the bins out or leaving pants on the floor, and remember they didn’t do it because they don’t love you.

* 不要为小事烦恼——不要因为另一半没有倒垃圾或把裤子扔在地板上而怨恨他们，也不要以为他们没有那样做是因为不爱你。

* Try new things together - it’s proven to help couples feel more attracted to each other.

* 一起尝试新鲜事物——已有人证明这样能让情侣更爱彼此。

* Ask questions - just like you probably did when you first met, ask each other about your hopes and dreams again.

* 问问题——就像初次遇见时一样，现在的你们也可以再问一问对方的愿望和梦想。