1.完整
完整是好句子的第一要点。一个完整的句子表达单一的完整的思想,它不包含并不紧密相关的意思,也不表达本身不完整的思想。
Faulty: Du Fu was one of the greatest poets.
Revised: Du Fu was one of the greatest poets of the Tang Period.
第一句话有毛病,因为所表达的思想并不完整:时代和国家都没有提到。
加了the Tang Period句子的意思就清楚了:我们都知道唐是中国历史上的一个朝代。
2.连贯
连贯是指句子各部分之间清楚而合理的联系。句子中的词语和部分应恰当地衔接,它们之间的关系应十分清楚。不连贯的句子通常有以下几种毛病:平行结构有缺点,代词指代不清楚,修饰语和被修饰语的关系不明确,在人称、数、语态、时态或语气上有混乱之处。
Faulty: A man is judged not only by what he says but also by his deeds.
Revised: A man is judged not only by what he says but also by what he does.
A man is judged not only by his words but also by his deeds.
平行的意思最好用平行的结构来表达。此句中的what he says与his deeds在形式上不平行,所以应改动其中之一。
Faulty: To get ready for the trip, all the things she needed were put into a suitcase.
Revised: To get ready for the trip, she put all the things she needed into a suitcase.
此句中有所谓的悬垂修饰语(To get)。它与所要修饰的名词或代词没有结构上的联系。那个名词或代词有时甚至不在句中;即使在句中,也不应被现有的修饰语所修饰。因为用了悬垂修饰语,这种句子就缺少连贯性,也就让人难以理解了。
Faulty: The idea he mentioned at first sounded good.
Revised: The idea he first mentioned sounded good.
The idea he mentioned sounded good at first.
此句中的at first即可修饰mentioned,又可修饰sounded,这种摸棱两可的修饰应该避免。
好的句子II
3.简洁
句中不应有任何不必要的词。只要意思充分地表达了,用的词越少越好。用词过多只会使意思模糊,而不是更清晰。所以最好在写完一篇文章后,仔细检查一两遍,删去一些不必要的词。试比较:
Wordy: It was blue in color.
It was small in size.
Mary is a quiet and careful woman.
He returned in the early part of the month of August.
Concise: It was blue.
It was small.
Mary is quiet and careful.
He returned in the early August.
重复有时可加重语气,但不必要的重复,不管是重复相同的词或是重复相同意思的不同的词都应该避免。
Wordy: He gave many reasons for the failure, but the reasons he gave were not convincing.
Concise: He gave many reasons for the failure, but none of them were convincing.
有时为了简洁起见,需要改变句子结构:
Wordy: There was a pine tree that stood like a giant on the top of the mountain. It towered over the trees around it.
Concise: The pine tree on the top of the mountain stood like a giant and towered over the trees around it.
The giant pine tree on the top of the mountain towered over the trees around it.
以上例子证明有时从句可以压缩为短语,短语可以压缩为单词而不改变原来的意思。也证明两个句子有时可以合并,把表达次要意思的句子改为分词短语、定语从句或别的形式。