新GRE高分写作亮点点评,希望可以给大家一些写作思考。
Although many people think that the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life are entirely harmless, they in fact, prevent people from developingsintostruly strong and independent individuals.
Do modern luxuries serve to undermine our true strength and independence as individuals? The speaker believes so, and I tend to agree. Consider the automobile, for example. Most people consider the automobile a necessity rather than a luxury; yet it is for this very reason that the automobile so aptly supports the speakers point. To the extent that we depend on cars as crutches, they prevent us from becoming truly independent and strong in character as individuals.
可借鉴之处:开头启用了一个非常醒目的问句,这是最能吸引批卷者视线也是高分作文的表现!
Consider first the effect of the automobile on our independence as individuals. In some respects the automobile serves to enhance such independence. For example, cars make it possible for people in isolated and depressed areas without public transportation to become more independent by pursuing gainful employment outside their communities. And teenagers discover that owning a car, or even borrowing one on occasion, affords them a needed sense of independence from their parents.
此段主要是为下一段的驳论作铺垫。
精华:Consider first...
in some respects...=in some cases, to some extent
注意afford的用法
However, cars have diminished our independence in a number of more significant respects.
Weve grown dependent on our cars for commuting to work. We rely on them like crutches for short trips to the corner store, and for carting our children to and from school. Moreover, the car has become a means not only to our assorted physical destinations but also to the attainment of our socioeconomic goals, insofar as the automobile has become a symbol of status. In fact, in my observation many, if not most, working professionals willingly undermine their financial security for the sake of being seen driving this years new SUV or luxury sedan. In short, weve become slaves to the automobile.
精华:diminish our independence in a number of more significant respects
注意not onlybut also的用法
没有什么惊天地泣鬼神的事例,但却能用平常生活中的点滴起到说理的作用,此法值得借鉴。
Consider next the overall impact of the automobile on our strength as individuals, by which I mean strength of character, or mettle. I would be hard-pressed to list one way in which the automobile enhances ones strength of character. Driving a powerful SUV might afford a person a feeling and appearance of strength, or machismo. But this feeling has nothing to do with a persons true character. In contrast, there is a certain strength of character that comes with eschewing modern conveniences such as cars, and with the knowledge that one is contributing to a cleaner and quieter environment, a safer neighborhood, and arguably a more genteel society. Also, alternative modes of transportation such as bicycling and walking are forms of exercise which require and promote the virtue of self-discipline. Finally, in my observation people who have forsaken the automobile spend more time at home,swheresthey are more inclined to prepare and even grow their own food, and to spend more time with their families. The former enhances ones independence; the latter enhances the integrity of ones values and the strength of ones family.精华:contribute to Consider next...Also,...Finally,...in my observation...
Be inclined to do sth. = cling to do sth. = intend to do sth. = be apt to do / aptly do sth.
一种比较简单易行的对比/类比:The formerthe latter
To sum up, the automobile helps illustrate that when a luxury becomes a necessity it can sap our independence and strength as individuals. Perhaps our society is better off, on balance, with such luxuries after all, the automobile industry has created countless jobs, raised our standard of living, and made the world more interesting. However, by becoming slaves to the automobile we trade off a certain independence and inner strength.
此文章得分应该是5分了。为什么?首先,头尾都不错;其次,全文无太多的语法错误,表意清晰,举例恰到好处;再次,分析手法运用了不完全否定的同意的辩论方式,这是最保守的做法。
上一篇: 如何提升新GRE写作技巧
下一篇: GRE写作备考方法
上海牛津版一年级英语Unit2 Small animals第四课时教案
新课标小学英语第一册期末考试百词范围
上海牛津版一年级英语下册Unit9 Revision第二课时教案
一年级英语上册教案Unit1 My classroom第一课时
一年级英语下册Unit2 Small animals教案2
一年级英语上册教案Unit1 My classroom第一课时教案
上海牛津版一年级英语Unit 9 Revision单元分析教案
牛津版一年级英语上册教案Unit4 My bag第一课时
上海版牛津一年级英语教案Unit8 Playtime(总五课时)
苏教版小学一年级英语下册Unit5 On the road教案
新起点小学一年级英语教案Unit7 Fruit
沪教牛津版小学英语一年级上册 Unit3 period2教案
上海牛津版一年级英语下册Unit9 Revision第一课时教案
苏教版牛津小学一年级英语教案Unit1 What`s your name
一年级英语Module1 unit6 Mid-Autumn Festival教案
上海牛津版一年级英语Unit3 This is my mum教案
牛津版一年级英语上册unit5 Fruit教案(1)
一年级英语上册教案 Unit 1 Period 1
沪教版小学英语一年级下册教案unit1课时6
牛津小学一年级英语Unit5 Fruit教案(五个课时)