优秀作文精析

　　多少年来，大家一直都是在当学生写作文，今天就换一个角色，当一回老师判作文，这可绝非仅仅寻求感觉的刺激！最重要的是，我们要用上面讲的高分作文的评判标准和差作文的劣迹表现，分别对一篇漫画考题的高、低分实考样卷进行评判打分，然后“对症下药”、“量体裁衣”，才有出奇的效果啊！

　　As every thread of gold is valuable, so every moment of time.

　　一寸光阴一寸金。

　　作文实例：

　　Directions:

　　Study the following drawing carefully and write an essay in which you should

　　终点又是新起点

　　1) describe the drawing,

　　2) interpret its meaning, and

　　3) support your view with example.

　　You should write about 200 words neatly on ANSWER SHEET 2. (20 points)

　　高分作文：

　　The cartoon depicts a vivid picture in which an athlete, dripping sweat, is rushing to the end. Obviously, he wins the match, but this is not the key message conveyed by the picture. The most striking feature of the drawing is that the same line is marked as both “the start” and “the end”, which indicates that although the athlete came to the finish, a new race is waiting for him.

　　The idea conveyed by the cartoon is apparent: the end is a new start. It is widely accepted that we should not be satisfied with the present achievement, for nowadays new challenges and competition never stop. The market economy and competitive society drives many people studying hard for higher academic degrees, some of them even seeking the opportunities to study abroad. We should spare no efforts improving ourselves, master high technology and professional skills. Then we can make use of it to devote ourselves to society.

　　Take my father as an example. He was denied higher education for historical reasons. But by self?study he became a technician in a factory. Many people thought he was content. But he never stopped studying. He took courses of law in his spare time. Later he became a lawyer. “The finishing point is just a new starting point”, he said to me. （219 words）

　　该文在阅卷中获得18分（满分20分）的好成绩，是有原因的。内容切题，表达清楚，语义连贯，最大的特点是句式富有变化，基本功扎实。文章的第一句，作者就用了定语从句、分词结构两种形式，使阅卷人眼前一亮，接下来分析图画的寓意，也很简洁到位。最后一段的举例也是一个亮点，运用父亲不断学习的事例来进一步论证观点，具体而贴切，不落俗套。另外，句子结构和用词正确，但也有个别错误，如上文第二段标出的“master”与“improve”并列，应用“mastering”的形式，但毕竟“瑕不掩瑜”。

　　低分作文：

　　All things in their being are good for something.

　　天生我才必有用。The place of end point is also the starting point. From the picture, we can see a young man who is running toward the end point, it?s very clearly to show that every one of us must effort and can?t stop for the aim of us in the fierce competition society. As we all know, firstly, a young man who study and work in the modern society need have a spirit of to study hard and activity, to keep a good situation and position.

　　For instance, this year is my ninth year after when I graduated, after nine years, I?m always felling need to continue study to improve my knowledge of major. because, this society developing is so rapidly, if I can?t catch more knowledge of now about my major, I will can?t keep the continous developing society. So I think, personally, It?s like the sportman of the picture that only continue to run and effort toward the place of end point, that is necessary to young people in the society.

　　In summary, my final conclusion is only to continue running toward end place and the place is also a new stating for another aim, only so. It?s a spirit of all young people. although the road is very hardship. but this is very important to us. (216 words)

　　这篇文章得分6分，远远低于及格分12分，可能作者还有点“委屈”，“我的字数也符合要求，也是三段，也有举例，也有分析，为什么这么不公平呢？”其实，文章虽然基本包括了题目所要求的内容，但条理不清，语言错误很多，其中很多是严重的错误，如文中用黑体标记出的地方。

　　怎么样？通过对漫画考题的高、低分实考样卷进行研读，你是不是对自己的作文档次有了一个初步的估计？对自己今后在写作方面的发展方向有了一个清楚的认识？能做到这一点，你今天的学习就达标了。