高中英语语法-习作评析（2）

　　习作评析（2）

　　　　一个星期天的上午，小丽和爸爸一起去公园，碰见了下图所发生的事情。请根据提示和图画内容，用英语写一则小故事，以便刊登在某一对外发行的英语刊物上。

　　　　[注意] 1. 短文必须包括图画所表现的主要内容，可以适当增减细节，使其连贯、完整；

　　　　2. 词数：100－120.

　　　　[学生原文] One day （1） Xiao Li and her father went to the Peoples Park together. Walking around the park they found out （2） a girl cried by a road. Xiao Li and her father went up to her and asked who she was. But she knew nothing about it. And she didnt even know where she lived. （3） So they were forced to （4） send her to the police station of the park， there （5） she was taken good care of. The news of the girl lost were （6） broadcast. After sometime （7） came in the parents of the girl. They were too excited to see （8） their child. They expressed their thank you（9） to Xiao Li and her father. Then they said good-bye to the girl （10）。

　　　　[名师点评]这是一篇记事的短文，考生能够把握图画的要点，并按照故事发生的顺序进行写作，有两处地方用了现在分词作伴随状语，使短文添彩许多，考生能较好地表达图画的内容。但是，考生在运用句型时出现了两处错误，有的词和词组的运用欠准确。现把存在的问题逐一分析如下：

　　　　（1）One day 与提示的要求不符，应该改为One Sunday morning.

　　　　（2）在这一句中，存在句型和词组的误用。find out 意为查明，了解（情况），不能用在此处；find作发现某物解时，可以接动词－ing形式，表示动作正在进行，如：The next morning I found the shoots （秧苗）standing up straight ， not a bit damaged. 也可以接动词的－ed形式，表示状态：When I went out， I found the street lined with people waiting for the coming hero.

　　　　（3）前边的三句表述混乱，而且未能切中题意，应该走向前去，问女孩叫什么名字或住在哪里，即We went up to her ， asking what her name was and where he lived.

　　　　（4）be forced to 意为被迫，此外用had to 才符合语境。

　　　　（5）把there 改为where， where 引导一个非限制性定语从句。

　　　　（6）把were改为was，因为news消息，是不可数名词，谓语动词用单数。

　　　　（7）sometime可以作副词，表示某时，有朝一日，也可以作形容词，意为从前的，过去的；some time是一个名词短语，意为一段时间，有些时候。

　　　　（8）too to 意为太不能，表示否定，此处可以改为They were only too excited to see their child. / They were much / very excited to see their child.

　　　　（9）Thank you 改为Thanks。

　　　　（10）把the girl改为each other，表示在场的人相互道别。

　　　　[精品范文] One Sunday morning Xiao Li and her father went to the Peoples Park together. Walking around the park， they found a girl crying by a road. They went up to her， asking what her name was and where she lived. But the girl knew nothing about it. So they had to send her to the police station of the park， where she was taken good care of. The news of the lost girl was broadcast in no time. After some time in came the parents of the girl. They were excited to see their child and expressed their thanks to Xiao Li and her father. Then they said good-bye to each other.