雅思大作文7.5分范文评析

　　想知道你为什么不能拿到雅思大作文高分的原因吗?下面雅思就来为大家分析一篇雅思大作文的7.5分范文，希望能够为考生们备考雅思大作文带来帮助。

　　Band 7.5

　　Some people believe that there should be fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

　　Fixing punishments for each type of crime has been a debatable issue. There are many arguments supporting both views, those for and those against fixed punishments.

　　On the one hand, fixed punishments will have a deterring effect on society. Individuals knowing that they will be subject to a certain punishment if they are convicted with a given crime, will reconsider committing this act in the first place. This deterring effect also leads to social stability and security, through minimizing the number of crime committed. If people knew they would be able to convince the court or the jury of a reason for having committed the crime they are accused of, penal decisions would be largely arbitrary. This would result into criminals getting away with their crimes and into a high level of injustice caused by the subjective approach of different courts.

　　On the other hand, taking the circumstances of a crime and its motivation into consideration is a prerequisite for establishing and ensuring justice and equity. A person killing in self-defense cannot be compared to a serial killer, moving from one victim to the next.

　　In my opinion and intermediary position between both solutions is the perfect way to establish and ensure justice and equity. There have to be fixed punishments for all crimes. however, criminal laws have to provide for a minimum and a maximum for the punishment and the laws also have to foresee certain cases of exemptions. An example for setting minimum and maximum penalties is Completion Law where a person being held liable of a crime under this law will be convicted to pay a fine, according to the harm caused by the violation and the profit gained by the violator through committing the crime.As for the exemptions, in some countries the law exempts thiefs stealing food during a period of famine taking into consideration the distress and hunger. Also a person killing in self-defense will be exempted from punishment.

　　这篇7.5分的例文几乎全部遵守了以上6条建议，但是在paraphrase这一点仍有失误，作者应该把penalty早早提到文章的前面替换掉一些频繁出现的punishment, 同时应该多收集点其它的词，如：castigation, penalization, discipline等。 但是他关于收集犯罪类的词汇上显然homework做的比较足，所以用了很多专业的词汇：

　　jury 陪审团; penal 刑事的; arbitrary 武断的;injustice 不公正; subjective approach 主观的方法; prerequisite 前提; self-defense 正当防卫; serial killer 连环杀手; exemption 豁免; liable 应负法律责任的; convict 定 violation 违背。

　　从语法上来看，这篇essay 除使用了定语从句外，还有大量的分词短语作定语，如：

　　Individuals knowing that they will be subject to a certain punishment if they are convicted with a given crime, will reconsider committing this act in the first place.

　　A person killing in self-defense cannot be compared to a serial killer, moving from one victim to the next.

　　according to the harm caused by the violation and the profit gained by the violator through committing the crime.

　　被动语态也有展现：

　　a person being held liable of a crime under this law will be convicted to pay a fine.

　　这两个语法点都被囊括在了几个写作高分语法点中，所以同学在掌握好了以上六条建议之后应该在这些写作高分语法句型上花些精力和时间，以助自己的高分梦想早日实现。

　　最后强调下，写作时论证一定要全面，尤其是对于双观点的题型。 更是要掌握好两方论证的顺序和篇幅分配，最后在总结时要注意是否和正文思路吻合。

　　以上从不同分数段的写作特点为大家深入介绍了雅思大作文的高分技巧，考生们不妨加以参考，通过针对性的练习来逐步掌握雅思大作文的写作技巧，从而在雅思考试中发挥会更为出色的成绩。最后，雅思预祝大家在雅思考试中取得好成绩！ 8月9日、11日雅思预测汇总 2012年8月4日雅思考试回忆 上班族烤鸭的阅读满分心得 教师谈雅思暑假备考法 未听清口语考官问题时怎么答 雅思听力七大陷阱的破解指南 雅思阅读的做题步骤与技巧 雅思写作常见错误的修正方法