批改网精美雅思写作范文（3）

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　　Topic

　　Some governments provide financial assistance for retired, unemployed and disabled citizens. In other countries, families provide support for these people. Discuss both systems and give your opinion about which one you think is better.

　　Rewritten Sample Writing

　　A social welfare system to financially assist disadvantaged or unemployed people varies across different countries. Some believe that governments should maintain the system, while others argue family support is a more relevant source of support. In this essay, I will summarize both options in order to give a better and more effective solution.

　　First, governments are financially stronger and have the capability of dealing with these peoples needs. As life expectancy is growing longer due to the development of technology and medical advances, the cost of caring for the elderly and disabled increases exponentially, and only governments that are able to spend the countrys revenue can afford this expenditure. In Japan for an example, trillions of yen have been spent every year on welfare related projects, however, this budget increases the financial burden and the government deficit.

　　Further, governments can also provide various forms of support to these people by allocating money to projects, such as providing universities to the elderly and work training programs to the unemployed.

　　However, financially, if families assisted these people, their supporters would take a great deal of financial pressure. It is not hard to visualize that those who have few dependents to rely on, would have a miserable and unhappy life, at least in terms of money.

　　Moreover, apparently the disadvantaged cannot be treated equally. In other words, the disabled or elderly who are from deprived families will have to suffer more than those from rich families. This is a challenge and will jeopardize the equity of the social system.

　　To conclude, the advantages of maintaining the welfare system by governments outweighs its drawbacks and in my opinion, the government should responsible for the social welfare system.