我离开，但留下了我的眷念

秋起，凉风瑟瑟。南方的小城，在经历了酷暑炙烤之后，也开始变得静谧，偶尔看到枯萎的树叶飘落，但依旧看到了一地的枯黄。他的心情开始有些压抑，他已经意识到知道他的生命是有限的。他想起了龚自珍的一句诗：“落红不是无情物，化作春泥更护花。”

In autumn, the wind is cold. After the scorching heat, the small town in the South also began to become quiet. Occasionally, it saw the withered leaves falling, but still saw the withered yellow of the ground. He began to feel a little depressed. He had realized that his life was limited. He thought of Gong Zizhen's poem: "falling red is not a ruthless thing. It turns into spring mud to protect flowers."

他默默地说念着：“花谢了，叶落了，依依不舍，当我生命消逝的时候，我还能做什么？”他告诉自己，还是要乐观的生活，就算生命消逝了，我依然可以骄傲的离开。半年前，当他得知自己白血病的时候，曾一度不想告诉母亲，母亲是他唯一的亲人，他觉得这样的打击对于母亲来说实在太大。但，终究他必须让母亲知道自己的病情。母亲知道消息的那一刻，嚎啕大哭，他抱着母亲说：“妈妈，不要哭泣。”那一年他才19岁。

He said in silence, "the flowers are fading, the leaves are falling, reluctant to give up. When my life is gone, what else can I do?" He told himself, or to optimistic life, even if the life disappeared, I can still leave proudly. Half a year ago, when he learned about his leukemia, he didn't want to tell his mother that his mother was his only relative. He felt that such a blow was too big for his mother. But after all, he had to let his mother know about his illness. At the moment when his mother knew the news, he cried. He held his mother and said, "Mom, don't cry." He was only 19 that year.

因为庭的原因，初中毕业之后他就没有再读书，17岁的他，开始懂得生活的压力，看着母亲憔悴的脸庞，他开始承担起一个男人的责任。虽然工资并不丰厚，但他很自豪，终于可以让母亲过上小康般的生活。

Because of the court's reason, he didn't read any more after graduating from junior high school. At the age of 17, he began to understand the pressure of life. Looking at his mother's haggard face, he began to assume the responsibility of a man. Although the salary is not rich, he is very proud that he can finally make his mother live a well-off life.

他懂得要给予母亲什么，6岁那年，还只会哭泣的他失去了父亲的温暖，他不懂得那对于他意味着什么，只是躺在母亲的怀里哭泣着。这十几年来，母亲有机会再嫁，但终究没有选择再嫁。渐渐地长大，他知道，这对于母亲意味着什么。

He knew what to give to his mother. At the age of six, he would only cry. He lost his father's warmth. He didn't know what it meant to him, just lying in his mother's arms and crying. In the past ten years, my mother had the chance to remarry, but after all, she didn't choose to. Growing up, he knew what it meant to his mother.

躺在病床上的他，已经不会像一开始那样胡思乱想。社会的力量让他感觉到了从没有过的温暖。他对母亲说：“妈妈，我是庆幸的，因为有那么多人来关注我。”是的，他是幸运的，来自社会的爱心援助，让他对生命充满了希望。

Lying in the hospital bed, he would not have been as wild as he thought at the beginning. The power of society made him feel the warmth he had never felt before. He said to his mother, "Mom, I'm glad that there are so many people paying attention to me." Yes, he is lucky. The love and assistance from the society make him full of hope for life.

一张张匿名的捐款，一封封鼓励的信件，让他对于生的渴望，越来越强。他积极配合着化疗，当头发开始脱落的时候，他告诉母亲：“妈妈说，我不丑，虽然没了头发，但我依然阳光，头发总会长出来的。”

Anonymous donations and letters of encouragement made his desire for life stronger and stronger. He actively cooperated with the chemotherapy, when the hair began to fall off, he told his mother: "my mother said, I am not ugly, although I have no hair, but I still have sunshine, and my hair will grow out."

匹配的骨髓移植没有找到，这对于他来说是致命的。突然有一天，当他的状态出现问题的时候，他不在恐惧生命，他觉得，应该回报给社会什么。那晚，他躺在母亲的怀里，静静地。母亲像小时候般，抚摸着他的额头，他觉得特别的温暖。

A matching bone marrow transplant was not found, which was fatal to him. Suddenly one day, when his state is in trouble, he is not afraid of life, he thinks, what should be returned to society. That night, he lay quietly in his mother's arms. His mother stroked his forehead like a child, and he felt special warmth.

他舍不得离开，因为母亲，假若有一天他离去后，母亲将孤独一身，那是何等的凄凉。他开始写着自己的遗嘱：他想捐掉自己的眼角膜，他想将自己的身体用来医院研究，他想将社会捐助的剩余的钱给那些需要帮助的孩子，……他将遗嘱藏在了床头底下。

He was reluctant to leave, because his mother, if one day he left, her mother would be lonely, it is so sad. He began to write his will: he wanted to donate his cornea, he wanted to use his body for hospital research, he wanted to give the rest of the money donated by the society to the children in need He hid his will under the bed.

天空开始飘起雪花，他的身体越来越差，呼吸开始出现苦难。医生告诉他，一定要坚强。母亲把他抱在怀里，他涩涩地微笑着，艰难地从床头下拿出一封信给医生：“医生，如果可以，请满足我的愿望，我要用我的眼睛看世界，我眷念生活……。”

Snow began to fall in the sky, his body was getting worse and worse, and his breathing began to suffer. The doctor told him to be strong. His mother held him in her arms. He smiled astringently and took out a letter from under the bed to the doctor with difficulty: "doctor, if you can, please meet my wishes. I want to see the world with my eyes. I miss life..."

那晚的雪花，飘了一夜，他躺在母亲的怀里，永远地睡着了……

That night's snowflakes, floating all night, he lay in his mother's arms, forever asleep