神吐槽：17种奇葩的乘机行为[1]

From farting to being Gerard Depardieu, these are the most inconsiderate, anti-social things you can do on a plane.

小到肆意放屁，大到随地便溺……以下这些乘机行为最奇葩、最让人受不了。

1. Going bare foot

光脚

Taking your shoes off on a plane is one thing, but your socks too? What's wrong with you? You're not Ghandi.

在飞机上脱鞋，倒还情有可原。可有人偏偏连袜子一起脱。你脑子秀逗了吗？装甘地啊？

2. Asking your neighbour for their leftover food

向邻座讨食物

"Are you going to finish that?" Really?!

“你吃不完的给我吧。”你特么在逗我？！

3. Changing nappies on a seat

在座位上换尿布

The only reason you think that's acceptable is because that baby is your blood. Everyone else thinks that's disgusting.

你可能在想，不就给孩子换个尿片吗，多大点儿事啊。可别人都快反胃了好伐！

4. Using ineffective headphones

耳机漏音

There is no point to headphones that are as loud to your neighbours as they are to you. We don't want to hear your tinny trance compilation.

耳机声音太大了你没发现吗，前排后座都听得一清二楚了。咱对你那些个洗脑神曲不感兴趣。

5. Sniffing

吸溜鼻涕

Just blow your nose.

赶紧给我把鼻涕擤一擤吧，求你了。

6. Putting your feet up through the gap in the seats

脚伸到座位之间

There are few things worse than when you feel a little prod at your elbow and realise it's the person behind's big toe.

是不是有时觉得被戳到了手肘？转头一看，得！是后座那双臭脚。那叫一个心塞。

7. Hogging the armrest

占着扶手不放

Why would you think we don't want to use it too? Did you pay extra for exclusive use? Oh, sorry, we didn't realise.

别人也要用扶手好伐？这飞机啥时成了你的私人座驾了？不好意思，真没看出来。

8. Standing up as soon as the seatbelt sign is turned off after landing

刚降落就起身

Where are you going? The doors are still very much closed. Great, now you're just standing there with your backside in our face.

机舱门还关得好好的，你这是赶着上哪去？好极了，你这么站着，是要咱们向你的屁股致敬呗。

9. Making small talk with your fellow passengers when they're clearly reading/sleeping/listening to music

有事没事找邻座聊天 Well, you should have brought your own entertainment, shouldn't you?

自己跟自己玩儿去，这道理不懂？

10. Spending half the flight stood in the aisle chatting with your friend sat elsewhere

一路站在过道上，与坐在别处的朋友聊天

You're in everyone's way and, once again, your bum is at face level. If it's night flight, it's doubly bad.

你不仅挡了别人的道，屁股还又一次糟了他人的眼。如果是大晚上的航班，吵得人家烦不烦。

11. Getting lairy

酩酊大醉

Airplanes and pubs are in fact very different. Have a drink or two, sure, but don't start chanting.

机舱毕竟不是酒吧。在机上喝一两杯可以，别喝得到处发酒疯啊。

12. Constantly getting up and down

一会儿起一会儿坐，不消停

Just sit down before we strap you down.

给我乖乖坐在位子上，否则把你捆起来。

13. Using the seat in front to pull yourself up

起身时扳前座椅背

Or ease yourself down. It's not like anyone in that seat was asleep or drinking a scalding cup of tea, you idiot.

不少人坐下时，也喜欢扳前座椅背。为他人着想好吗？前座乘客或许在睡觉，或许在喝热茶，哪经得起你这么折腾？

14. Complaining about lack of space on a budget airline

抱怨廉航位置太窄

If you cared that much about your personal space you wouldn't have spent just £15.99 on your flight.

既然那么想坐得舒适，当初干吗买廉价机票。

15. Reclining your seat

放倒椅背

You're a parody of a rude person.

你就是个活生生的自私鬼。

It takes a very selfish person to recline their seat on an airplane and not look behind them. This poor guy next to me is squished. — Jamison (@JamisonLilly)

飞机上那些不管后座、非得放倒椅背的人，真的是自私至极。我旁边那可怜鬼快被压扁了16. Peeing on the carpet

随地便溺

Yeh, Gerard Depardieu.

请自行百度“大鼻子情圣机舱撒尿”。

17. Running past people to get to passport control...

一路狂奔到海关入境处……

...only to join the same queue everyone else is in.

……不管怎样，你还是得排队。