阴差阳错

题记：“……系统初始变量的微小变化可以导致运算结果的巨大差异……南美洲的一只蝴蝶翅膀的扇动，可能在太平洋上引起一场风暴……”——摘自《数学混沌理论？蝴蝶效应》

Inscription: " Small changes in the initial variables of the system can lead to huge differences in the results of operations The flutter of a butterfly's wing in South America may cause a storm in the Pacific Ocean... " ——From the theory of mathematical chaos? Butterfly Effect

不管你是否相信，这已经是我第一百零一次被抓进时空管理局的监狱了。我被判了一个月的监禁，我想我有足够的时间为我的传记写一个提纲。我的时空旅行充满传奇色彩，我相信我的传记会成为畅销书。

Believe it or not, this is the one hundredth time I've been caught in the prison of the space time administration. I've been jailed for a month and I think I have enough time to write an outline for my biography. My time travel is legendary and I believe my biography will be a best seller.

一、公元前36亿年

1、 3.6 billion B.C

我在结束旅行前向原始海洋中泼了一盆洗脚水。我发誓我已把水消过毒了，天知道那水里怎么会剩下一两个活细胞，难道是我缔造了生命？哈哈！我是上帝吗？

I splashed a basin of foot washing water into the pristine ocean before I finished my trip. I swear I've detoxified the water. God knows how there are one or two living cells left in the water. Did I create life? Ha-ha! Am I God?

二、公元前6500万年

2、 65 million B.C

我的飞行器发生了大爆炸。我历尽千辛万苦才得以活着回来见大家，我的传记差一点就没人写了。请相信我，我确实是按照《操作手册》驾驶的——至于恐龙的灭绝，我深感遗憾。

There was a big explosion in my aircraft. I've come back to see you after all my hard work. My biography is almost empty. Please believe me, I did drive according to the operation manual - as for the extinction of dinosaurs, I am deeply sorry.

三、公元前70万年，今北京西南周口店龙骨山

3、 In 700000 B.C., today's Zhoukoudian dragon bone mountain in southwest Beijing

我的打火机被一个浑身是毛的家伙（鬼知道它是人是猴！）抢走了！为了保住现代文明的成果，为了不因违反《时空管理法》而再被抓进监狱，我同这个原始人（还是高级猴？）做了殊死的搏斗。这个头脑简单的家伙四肢却着实发达，我被打得眼冒金星，终究没有保住我的打火机，它的力气实在太大了……北京猿人会使用打火机吗？这真是一个不错的研究课题。

My lighter is covered in fur (I know it's a man or a monkey Robbed! In order to keep the achievements of modern civilization and not to be arrested again for violating the law of time and space management, I am the same as this primitive man (or senior monkey?) A deadly fight. This guy with simple mind is really developed in limbs. I was hit with eyes full of stars. After all, he didn't keep my lighter. His strength is too great Can Peking ape man use lighter? This is really a good research topic.

四、公元前227年，秦

4、 227 BC, Qin

我见到了荆轲。这大个子对我的激光剑术佩服得五体投地，约我一起去刺杀嬴政。我同他干了两碗烧酒，脑筋一热就答应了。请别为我担心，我酒醒后思量再三，终于没有去，要知道，我是一个守法的公民，我尊重历史，至于那家伙因为我“居远未来”而孤身涉险，“被八创”，可怪不得我，历史毕竟是残酷的嘛。

I met Jing Ke. The big man admired my laser swordsmanship and asked me to kill Ying Zheng. I worked with him for two bowls of cooking wine, and when my brain was hot, I agreed. Please don't worry about me. After I woke up, I thought twice and finally didn't go. You know, I am a law-abiding citizen. I respect history. As for that guy, because I "live in the far future", he was alone and involved in danger and was "hit eight times". No wonder I am cruel after all.

五、公元200年

5、 200 A.D

我又丢东西了。我把一本袖珍版的《三国演义》丢在了中国南阳。要知道那是真正用纸做的！是古董！花了我半年的薪水！那书被一个落魄书生拾了去，谁知道他原来叫什么，他竟然给自己改名叫诸葛亮！当然，后面的内容都是我在法庭上听到的。

I lost something again. I left a pocket edition of the romance of the Three Kingdoms in Nanyang, China. You know it's really made of paper! It's an antique! It cost me half a year's salary! The book was picked up by a down-to-earth scholar. Who knows his original name? He even renamed himself Zhuge Liang! Of course, I heard the rest in court.

六、公元1682年，英国

6、 1682, England

我从飞行器上随手扔下去的一个烂苹果竟然砸到了人。哈哈！太有讽刺意味了，我的近视眼镜是两千度的，我的射击成绩向来在5环以下！那个倒霉蛋被我砸晕了，对不起，我并不知道他是伟大的伊萨克？牛顿。

I dropped a rotten apple from the aircraft and hit someone. Ha-ha! It's ironic that my nearsighted glasses are 2000 degrees, and my shooting performance is always below 5 rings! I'm sorry. I didn't know that he was a great Isaac? Newton.

七、公元1923年，德国

7、 1923, Germany

我参加了一次酒吧斗殴，打得真是稀里哗啦，劈里啪喳，过瘾之极。我拼着性命救出了一个小个子，他对我十分感激，我和他一起被捕入狱，他向我口述了自传，天哪！书名竟然叫《我的奋斗》。我确实不是有意救他的——这个臭名昭着的阿道夫？希特勒。

I took part in a bar fight. It was really a fight. It was very exciting. I saved a small man with my life. He was very grateful to me. I was arrested with him. He dictated his autobiography to me. My God! The title of the book is my struggle. I didn't mean to save him - this notorious Adolf? Hitler.

八、……

Eight,...

九、……

Nine,...

文章以外的故事：

Stories beyond the article:

一个月后。

A month later.

“我”终于出狱了，自由的空气啊，怎么吸也吸不够。“我”又一次踏上了时间之旅，这一次是1999年12月，“我”准备参观“千禧年”的庆典……

"I" finally got out of prison, free air ah, how to suck is not enough. "I" once again embarked on a journey of time, this time in December 1999, "I" is going to visit the celebration of "Millennium"

返航途中。

On the way back.

“啊！不！不！这不是真的！不！……”“我”绝望地哀嚎，“我”把传记的提纲丢在1999年12月了！真主安拉！释迦牟尼！耶稣基督！……

"Ah! No No It is not true. No!... " "I" wailed desperately, "I" left the outline of the biography in December 1999! Allah! Shakya Muni! Jesus Christ

时空管理局审判大厅。

Trial Hall of the administration of time and space.

“……被告人遗失的文章《阴差阳错》涉及大量1999年以后的历史内容，犯有“故意泄露历史秘密罪”，判处流放冥王星，无期……”法官庄严的声音在大厅中回响，“你还有什么要说的吗？”法官问。“我”有气无力地问：“我的文章究竟落在谁的手里了？能告诉我吗？尊敬的法官大人。”“可以。”法官说，“他叫李嘉辉，他用你的提纲参加‘顶新杯全国中学生作文大赛’，竟然还得了奖……”“啊！这个该死的李嘉辉！这个小偷！这个贼！我要把他碎尸万段！……”“我”仰天大叫，眼前一黑，晕了过去……

"... The defendant's lost article "errors between the Yin and the Yang" involves a large number of historical contents after 1999. He is guilty of "intentionally disclosing historical secrets" and is sentenced to exile Pluto for a long time... " The solemn voice of the judge echoed in the hall, "do you have anything else to say?" The judge asked. "I" feebly asked: "whose hand is my article? Can you tell me? Your honor. " "Yes." The judge said, "his name is Li Jiahui. He used your outline to participate in the" Dingxin Cup "national composition contest for middle school students, and even won the prize..." "Ah! This damn Li Jiahui! This thief! This thief! I'm going to tear him to pieces! " "I" look up to the sky and scream. It's dark and faints