美丽的“忙碌”谎言

Last year, a colleague saw me violently throwing out a stack of invitations and murmuring to nobody in particular, 'Please stop inviting me to things.' She found this funny, but I wasn't joking.

去年，有个同事看见我抓狂地把一堆邀请函扔出去，嘴里还在喃喃自语：“拜托，别再给我发乱七八糟的邀请函。她觉得很好笑，但我其实说的是真心话。

Everyone is talking about 'The 'Busy' Trap,' an article that ran in the New York Times last weekend. The story, by author Tim Kreider, currently has 813 comments, was the most emailed article on NYTimes.com through yesterday, has been tweeted thousands of times, and shared by almost everybody I know on Facebook.

大家都在讨论最近刊登在《纽约时报》(New York Times)上的一篇文章“忙碌陷阱(The ‘Busy’ Trap)，作者是蒂姆·克雷德(Tim Kreider)。该文已有813条评论，是《纽约时报》网站NYTimes.com到昨天为止通过电子邮件转发最多的文章，在推特上传播了数千次，我在脸谱(Facebook)上的几乎每个朋友也都分享了这篇文章。

'Trust me, you're not too busy to read this,' wrote one of my friends. 'I don't care how busy you are─take a few minutes and read this,' wrote another. On Slate, Hanna Rosin tied the kerfuffle over the newest 'B' word to the other Big Debate over whether or not women can have it all. (Spoiler alert: they cannot, and neither can men.)

我的一个朋友这样写道，“相信我，你再忙也该去看看。另一个朋友说，“我才不管你有多忙，花几分钟读一读。在网络杂志《Slate》上，女权主义者汉娜·罗森(Hanna Rosin)把“忙碌陷阱与“女性能否拥有一切这一全民大讨论相提并论。（温馨

提示：女人不能拥有一切，男人也不能。）

In the aftermath of 'The 'Busy' Trap,' it seems that telling somebody that you're really busy is some kind of horrific humble brag, a statement that only self-involved people who lack any perspective or inner life would say. But I think that this misses the point, which is that telling somebody that you are really busy remains the only socially acceptable way to avoid events hosted by people you aren't that into.

“忙碌陷阱一文发表后，再说自己很忙就成为一种可怕的自我标榜，是那些自我中心、没有远见、没有内心世界的人才会说的话。然而，我觉得这有点不公平，“我很忙依然是推掉那些你不喜欢的人组织的活动时，在社交礼仪上可被接受的唯一方法。

I mean, what are you supposed to say? 'Uh, sorry, but I have no interest in hanging out?'

我的意思是，除此之外，你还能用什么借口呢？难道说“呃，抱歉，可我不想跟你打交道？

Even assuming that you don't loathe the people who are asking you to hang out, if you start making too many plans with them, all of a sudden─voilà!─you become busy, overscheduled and overwhelmed. So saying 'I'm too busy' is, ironically, an extremely effective and non-confrontational way to protect oneself from becoming too busy. The 'B' word, at least until everybody started talking about the 'Busy Trap' this week, was once a secret shield, a beautiful (and somewhat true) white lie to create some personal, private space in a chaotic world.

即使你不讨厌那些邀请你参加活动的人，但如果接受太多邀请，突然之间，你就会变得无比忙碌，日程满满，应接不暇。因此，说“我很忙恰恰是避免自己变得太忙的极其有效且不会引起反感的好办法。至少在“忙碌陷阱被广为讨论之前，“忙是一块挡箭牌，一个美丽（从某种角度来说确实如此）的善意谎言，能为你在这个纷纷扰扰的世界开辟出一片安静的私人空间。

In that sense, I agree with Mr. Kreider. Taking time to relax and unwind is extremely important for nurturing one's creativity. 'History is full of stories of inspirations that come in idle moments and dreams,' he says.

从这点来看，我认同克雷德的说法。悠闲和放松是培养创造力的极其重要的养分。克雷德这样说道，“历史上有各种充满了灵感的故事，它们往往在闲散时刻和睡梦之中迸发出来的。

The problem is, 'I'm spending time at home idly seeking inspiration,' is not, for whatever reason, an acceptable answer to the question 'Why can't you hang out tonight?'

但问题在于，要想礼貌地应付“你今晚为什么不出来一起玩的问题，“我想在家舒舒服服地找灵感无论如何都不可能是一个好答案。

Mr. Kreider relays the story of a friend who, when asked if he wanted to get together this week, responded that he didn't have a lot of time to escape work, but suggested that Mr. Kreider ping him if something was going on. His busy-ness 'was like some vast churning noise through which he was shouting out at me, and I gave up trying to shout back over it,' he wrote. I couldn't help but wonder: Maybe having him give up was the friend's objective. Or perhaps the friend just wanted to hang out at home with his significant other and watch back episodes of 'The Real Housewives of New York City' on DVR but was too embarrassed to admit it.

克雷德在文中提到，他问一个朋友这周想不想聚一聚，那个朋友说工作太忙，等有什么有趣的事再通知他。克雷德写道，“他的忙碌就像震耳欲聋的噪音，他透过这噪音对我喊话，而我已经放弃回应。我不由自主地这样想：也许让他放弃回应正是那个朋友的目的所在。也许那个朋友只想在家跟自己的另一半共度时光，看一集电视剧《纽约娇妻》(The Real Housewives of New York City)的光碟，只是不好意思跟他直说。

It's also true that saying 'I'm crazy busy' in response to the typical 'how's it going?' question has become a major cliché. Let's face it: Everyone is busy to some extent or another, particularly in a big city like New York. Talking about how busy you are is idle banter about one intimacy grade above talking about the weather, and probably less useful. But it's also a convenient, non-personal topic that everyone can relate to, a sort of verbal tic that people can spew when they're bored, tired, or not interested in telling the truth about how it is really going. Because, when it's not going well, 'busy' is beautifully unassailable.

确实，以“我都快忙疯了来回答“最近怎么样？的问候已经成为一个大俗套。但让我们面对现实吧：每个人或多或少都有忙的时候，尤其是在纽约这样的大都市。谈谈你有多忙，总比寒暄天气更亲切一些，当然也许没有谈天气那么实际。此外，“忙碌是一个方便运用、不涉及私人生活的话题，每个人都能说上几句；当你觉得无聊、疲乏或不想告诉别人自己真实生活的时候，这也是一个很好的托辞。毕竟，如果你过得不怎么样，“忙得很是一个美妙的借口。

For Tim Kreider, fleeing to an undisclosed location, where he says he wrote 'The 'Busy' Trap,' was the only solution to the inexorable doom spiral of busy-ness. For me, a reporter at a daily newspaper in a major metropolitan area (a region, I might add where my parents, sister, cousins and best friends from high school, college and graduate school also happen to live) going to an undisclosed location unfortunately isn't a long-term solution.

克雷德说“忙碌陷阱这篇文章是在“隐居之地写的，对他来说，这是其逃脱势不可挡的恶性忙碌循环的唯一方法；但不幸的是，对我这个生活在一个大都市（我父母、姐妹、亲戚、高中大学和研究生时期的好友们恰巧也都在这里生活）的日报记者来说，去“隐居之地并非一个长期可行的解决方案。

So what should I do to carve out more idleness? I asked a therapist recently who advised me to just tell people I am too busy.

那我该用什么办法给自己腾出更多的悠闲时光？最近我问一位治疗师，他建议我对别人说自己太忙。

But if you have any better ideas, I'm not too busy to hear them.

当然，如果你有更好的主意，我再忙也会侧耳倾听。