人善被人欺？

The maxim that nice guys finish last isn’t quite true. But if you are too nice you can be seen as a soft touch or as ineffective.

有句谚语叫做“人善被人欺(nice guys finish last)，这话并不完全正确，但如果你过于与人为善，别人会认为你易受他人影响或没什么效率。

What are the problems with niceness?

作好人到底有什么问题？

“Niceness can be counterproductive, says Mike Leibling, a coach and author of How People Tick. “If, for example, you’re trying to fire someone, you can’t really soften the blow and if you start telling them how sorry you are?.?.?.? if you really were sorry, you wouldn’t be doing it. If there’s news that needs to be stated, being nice can get in the way.

《人性摸透透》(How People Tick)一书的作者、辅导师麦克·莱步林(Mike Leibling)说：“作好人可能产生反效果。比如说，你正试图解雇某人，那你不可能真正减轻他受到的打击。假如你第一句说的是你对此感到很难过……你要是真的难过，就根本不会那么做。如果必须要宣布什么消息，那么作好人只会妨碍这项任务。

Russ Edelman, chief executive of The Corridor Company and co-author of Nice Guys Can Get the Corner Office, adds: “Often people feel very nice guys have no boundaries and walk all over them. Or sometimes nice people do nothing about a problem until someone pushes them over the edge. Then they snap and become nasty.

The Corridor Company首席执行官、曾与他人一同撰写《八大策略变身职场达人》(Nice Guys Can Get the Corner Office)一书的拉斯·埃德尔曼(Russ Edelman)则表示：“人们往往感觉非常和善的人忍受力无穷，于是就随意欺负他们。另外，和善的人有时候遇到问题却什么都不做，直到别人把他们逼到角落为止，而后他们会突然爆发，变得很坏。

David Pendleton, visiting professor of leadership at Webster University’s Walker School of Business in St Louis, and chairman of the business psychology consultancy Edgecumbe, says that if you’re being nice to one person it can mean you’re being nasty to others. “If I’m ‘being nice’ by not disciplining a manager who bullies people, I’m being nasty to the people on the team he runs.

位于圣路易斯的韦伯斯特大学(Webster University)沃克尔商学院(Walker School of Business)的领导学访问教授、商业心理顾问公司Edgecumbe的董事长戴维·彭德尔顿(David Pendleton)表示，如果你对某一个人很好，那可能意味着你对其他人很坏。“如果我‘作好人’、不去惩罚一名欺负人的主管，那么实际上我是在对这人所管团队中的人作恶。

What can you do about it?

对此你能做些什么？

“You want to be able to mix challenge and support, says Mr Pendleton. “They are not opposites – rather they need to be bolted together. You might say to someone: ‘Your work is normally great but this time round it’s not up to scratch.?What happened?’

彭德尔顿说：“你需要一面鞭策，一面鼓励。这两者并不是对立的，实际上它们应该结合在一起。你可以对某个人说：‘你的工作一向很棒，但这次表现得不太好。出什么事了？’

Mr Edelman says it helps if you think of yourself as having rights: “You have the right to confront a situation, to define boundaries, to speak up, expect results and hold people accountable.

埃德尔曼表示，明白自己拥有相应的权力会很有帮助：“你有权直面问题，有权划定界限，有权大声说出你的想法、指望得到相应的结果并要求人们对他们的所作所为负责。

He adds that this may be what those you manage want: “We surveyed people and found that 60 per cent of them said their bosses were too nice.

他还表示，这没准正是你手下人想要的：“我们做过调查，发现60%的受访者认为他们的老板对他们过于和善了。

Mr Leibling says the key measure is how effective you are: “Take time to plan what’s needed by you and the organisation. Say what the situation demands rather than what people want to hear.

莱布林说，核心衡量指标是效率：“花时间考虑一下你自己和你公司需要的是什么。按照形势的需要发表意见，而不是说人们想听的话。

Does this mean I have to be nasty?

这意味着我必须作恶人？

“Being effective may mean being assertive, says Mr Pendleton. “But assertiveness is not aggression.

彭德尔顿说：“注重效率可能意味着要独断一些，但独断不等于咄咄逼人。

To avoid appearing aggressive, rather than drag the person down, as many do, be constructive. “Give the message in a supportive way without dodging the issue. It’s not ‘no more Mr Nice Guy’, it’s Mr Nice Guy who is also Mr Tough Guy.

为避免显得咄咄逼人，不要像很多人做的那样让人不开心，而应该表现出建设性。“以一种具有支持性的方式传达你的信息，不要回避问题。这不意味着‘再也不作好人了’，而是意味着作强硬的好人。

When is nice good?

什么情况下作好人是件好事？

“In the right context, nice is very good, Mr Leibling says. “You switch it on at lunch and the pub. It shows another side to you. And if times are tough and you’re known as being nice, people are more likely to give you benefit of the doubt.

莱布林说：“在适当的环境下，与人和善是件非常好的事。吃午餐和泡吧的时候，你都可以变成一个和善的人。这会展示你的另一面。在困难时刻，如果别人都知道你是个善良的人，那么他们更有可能倾向于相信你。

“Creating a place where people enjoy working is hugely important, adds Mr Pendleton. “The issue isn’t whether we’re nice or not nice. It’s what we are as well as nice.

彭德尔顿补充说：“创造一个人们乐于在其中工作的环境极其重要。问题不在于我们要作好人还是要作恶人，而在于我们在作好人的同时还要作什么样的人。

The writer is the author of ‘The Careerist: Over 100 ways to get ahead at work’

本文作者著有《野心家：职场中出人头地的上百种方法》(The Careerist: Over 100 ways to get ahead at work)一书