2017届高考英语书面表达练讲指导评析（第三部分）考场习作评析（三）

　　2017届高考英语书面表达专题指导、练讲及习作评析（第三部分考场习作评析）（三）

　　请根据下列两幅图写一篇短文对此漫画的感受和观点写作时要适当地发挥，语言连贯；

　　词数：150左右。

　　(7)From my point of view, what the mother did was wrong. (8)As we all know, parents are children’s first teachers. (9)Therefore, I think parents should not only care for their children's health, but their minds. (10)In addition, they should let their children know it's a pleasure to help others who are in trouble.

　　【习作评析】

　　在评析考生考场习作之前，先让我们来看一看该书面表达的最基本的要点是什么。

　　以上要点必须在书面表达中有所表述，缺一不可。

　　【习作的亮点】

　　全文共10句3.习作Education, which has always been a hot topic, plays a very important role in today’s world .But not every parent knows how to educate their children correctly.）的概括非常精炼，恰到好处。

　　4.But not every parent knows how to educate their children correctly.这一句的使用说明作者对全部否定和部分否定句掌握得很好；

　　5.习作在谈谈对漫画中母亲的做法看法hey should let their children know it's a pleasure to help others who are in trouble. ”将主题进行了升华，给阅卷老师留下了深刻印象。

　　【习作的缺点】

　　2.某些句型的运用上有错误

　　如：(5)However, in the second picture, an oil bottle fell down and the mother criticized angrily the little boy didn’t straighten the bottle up. 动词 criticize”后面接 that 从句However, in the second picture, an oil bottle fell down and seeing the little boy didn’t straighten it up, the mother criticized him angrily”

　　3.某些句与句之间缺乏必要的连贯

　　【修改后的习作】

　　Education, which has always been a hot topic, plays a very important role in today’s world .But not every parent knows how to educate their children correctly.

　　As is shown in the first picture, when a little girl fell down, a little boy wanted to help her. But his mother prevented him and said, “You can’t, otherwise someone else would say that it was you that knocked her off.” However, in the second picture, an oil bottle fell down but the little boy didn’t straighten it. So the mother criticized him angrily when he yelled, ‘If I had done that, you would say the bottle was brought down by me.’ Hearing his explanation, the mother was shocked.

　　From my point of view, what the mother did was wrong. As we all know, parents are children’s first teachers. Therefore, I think parents should not only care for their children's health, but their minds. In addition, they should let their children know it's a pleasure to help others who are in trouble.

　　【参考】

　　附录：

　　请根据下列两幅图写一篇短文，短文内容应包括以下几个要点：

　　①妈妈阻止儿子去扶摔倒的女孩；

　　②儿子对于倒了的油瓶置之不理；

　　③写作时要适当地发挥，语言连贯，要写出妈妈的惊诧，还要写自己对此幅漫画的感受和观点；

　　④词数：150左右。

　　认真看图，结合文字和图画，确立所要表达的主题是什么。

　　这是在家庭教育中比较常见的现象：家长用双重标准去教育自己的孩子。根据基本的价值观，我们可以归纳出图画所要表达的主题是：

　　As can be seen from the cartoons, it is a story about a bad example of family education .

　　围绕确立的主题，仔细看图和文字，列出图中的要点。

　　人物：小男孩、妈妈以及跌倒的小女孩

　　情景和动作：小男孩要去帮助小女孩，妈妈阻止儿子去扶摔倒的女孩,并对儿子说：“不要扶，否则人家会说是你把她碰倒的。”

　　人物：小男孩和妈妈

　　情景和动作：妈妈看到儿子对于倒了的油瓶置之不理；

　　小男孩对妈妈说： “我扶了，你会说是我碰倒的”

　　妈妈很是震惊。

　　（注意虚拟语气的运用

　　Mom saw that her son ignored the fallen oil bottle on the ground .

　　The boy was seen sitting leisurely with an oil bottle lying on the ground besides his feet.

　　The boy said to his mother, “If I had lifted the oil bottle, you would think that it was me who brought it down.”

　　The boy explained to his mother that had he lifted the oil bottle, she would think that it was him who brought it down.

　　（注意虚拟语气的运用Hearing his son’s explanation, Mom was shocked/astonished/surprised.

　　围绕漫画主题自拟感想

　　①我对漫画中母亲的做法看法：不同意

　　②建议（解决的办法）

　　父母是孩子的第一任老师，应该为孩子树立好榜样；

　　父母不仅要关心孩子的身体，还要关心他们的思想；

　　父母应该让孩子知道帮助处在困难中的人是一件快乐的事。

　　I disagree with what the mother did in the story.

　　In my opinion, the mother shouldn’t educate his son in this way.

　　Parents are their children’s first teachers ,so they should set a good example to them.

　　As their first teachers, parents should set a good example to their children.

　　I think parents should not only care for their children’s health, but their minds. For example, they should let their children

　　连贯成篇

　　【参考范文】一

　　As can be seen from the cartoons, it is a story about a bad example of family education. In the first picture, a boy was trying to help a girl who fell over on the ground while his Mom prevented him from doing so, saying “Don’t do that, otherwise others would think it was you who knocked her known”. In the second picture, the boy was seen sitting leisurely with an oil bottle lying on the ground besides his feet. “Why can’t you straighten it up?” she asked angrily, but she was greatly shocked by the explanation from the boy, “If I had lifted the oil bottle, you would think that it was me who brought it down.”

　　【参考范文】二

　　As can be seen from the cartoons, it is a story about a bad example of family education. In the first picture, a boy was trying to help a girl who fell over on the ground while his Mom persuaded him not to do so, saying “Don’t do that, otherwise others would think it was you who knocked her known”. In the second picture, the boy was seen sitting leisurely with an oil bottle lying on the ground besides his feet. Mom was greatly shocked by the explanation from the boy: “If I had lifted the oil bottle, you would think that it was me who brought it down.”

　　I disagree with what the mother did in the story. As we all know, parents are the first teachers. I think parents should not only care for their children's health, but their minds. They should let their children know it's a pleasure to help others who are in trouble.