2017届高考英语考前冲刺精品复习讲义（北师大版）：写作（十三）

　　2017届高考英语考前冲刺精品复习讲义（北师大版）：写作（十三）

　　请你谈谈轿车大量进入家庭后，对家庭、环境和经济可能产生的影响。学生习作·外教批改

　　Nowadays，it is common to see more and more private cars come_and_go_in_streets1 on the roads in China.People like_to_buy2 want to own cars because they are fast and convenient.Many_families_are_able_to Owning a car allows many families3 to travel to nearby towns and tourist attractions during holidays by_car.Besides, the4car industry can promote the economy of our country.

　　However，the ever-increasing number of cars has also given rise to a series of problems.For example，too_many_cars

　　_have_caused5 the increase in the number of cars on the roads has resulted in traffic jams and more traffic accidents.In_addition，cars_are_still_very_expensive_to_buy_in_China_today6. The Worst of all7 ，the_gas_given_off_from_cars car emissions8 pollute the air，which is harmful to health.

　　Therefore，in my opinion，the number of cars allowed in_streets on the roads should be kept9 under control so as to reduce pollution and traffic accidents they cause.If the balance is well kept，private cars will play a positive role in our life lives and make our life easier and more comfortable.

　　旁　批

　　1．轿车行驶在马路(roads)上，而不是街道(streets)上。当我们泛指或给出统计数字时，一般说number of cars on the roads；而当我们说the man on the street或people on the streets时，意思是“普通大众”。

　　2．当你说like to buy的时候，这件事就是一个习惯。不是很多人都能把买轿车当成习惯的！

　　3．你在解释为什么人们想拥有轿车，就要说这样做(拥有轿车)使他们有可能去异地旅行。这就使“拥有轿车”(owing a car)成为句子的重点，而非“家庭”(families)。原句没有很好地表达这一层含义。

　　4．industry是不可数名词，表泛指时，不加冠词。

　　5．原句暗含的意思：很多车都出过交通事故这是一个事实。可能这是真实的，但是作者想表达的要点是：轿车数量的增加导致了事故的增多。

　　6．这怎么是一个问题呢？它可能是个问题，但你必须解释它是个什么问题。

　　7．正确的表达是：worst of all，不要在前面加the。

　　8．emissions这个单词更恰当。意思是“发出物，散发物”。

　　9．这里遗漏了动词kept，因为under control意思是已经得到了控制。　这是一篇尚好的作文。作者使用了较为复杂的词汇(如：give rise to，give off)和结构，并表现出对词性的准确理解。同时，作者在这篇议论文中也很好地使用了连接短语。

　　要小心使用不同的表达方式。如：like to buy与want to own。虽然作者本意很清楚，但误用短语能够完全改变句子含义。　高分作文秘诀之六：避免出现句子的结构性错误。例如：

　　Instead of (不要说：)There are twenty students in our class have been to Beijing.

　　Use (要说：)Twenty students in our class have been to Beijing.

　　Instead of (不要说：)Many of the students against the plan.

　　Use (要说：)Many of the students are against the plan.

　　Instead of (不要说：)Professor Li comes from Beijing University will give us a lecture tomorrow.

　　Use (要说：)Professor Li from Beijing University will give us a lecture tomorrow.电脑的使用越来越广泛，给人们带来了诸多方便，但是如果使用不当，也会影响人们的身体健康。请根据下面的要点，写一篇120词左右的英语短文，说明电脑对人体健康的不利影响，并提出改善建议。

　　1．长时间使用电脑会损害眼睛，影响视力；

　　2．过多地依赖电脑会造成记忆力减退；

　　3．久坐电脑前容易造成腰背疼痛、肥胖等问题。

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　　参考范文：

　　As computers are being used more and more widely in our life，they have brought us a lot of convenience.However，attention should be paid to their bad effects on people’s health.

　　To begin with，the bright screen and the frequently-rolling words on it do much harm to our eyes，gradually weakening our eyesight.Besides，depending too much on computers may lead to a worse memory.Most importantly，when using computers，people tend to sit before them for a long time.That is why many people often feel uncomfortable on the back.And some may even get too fat.

　　To improve the situation，I think there should be a short rest every other hour to relax our eyes and brain.Moreover，people should avoid using computers unless necessary.We can keep out of the trouble they bring if we use them properly.