父母不应该做的六件事

If you want your kid to eat well, then stop skipping breakfast yourself! (Yeah, we’re looking at you.)

We parents get lots of advice. Lots. But instead of the experts telling us what we should do, perhaps it’s time they tell us to just stop it.

So here we have it: Six things parents need to stop doing right now.

1. “Exercising”

You must set the example and be physically active, says Katherine Tallmadge, nutritionist and author of “Diet Simple. But don’t push kids to “exercise,” which sounds (and feels) like a chore. Instead, play with them. Make it fun: hit the basketball court, play tag or hide and seek. Join them at the playground. Organize a game with neighborhood kids. Dance. Do the Wii together.

They get exercise, you get exercise. But it’s fun for them and for you.

2. Relying on a screen

You’ve heard it a million times. Screen time “is just not a good way for kids to learn and develop intellectually and socially,” says Lee Beers, a general pediatrician at Children’s National Medical Center. “A little bit is fine. It’s part of our world. But when it becomes what you spend the majority of your time doing” you know that’s too much.

The more screen time a child has, the less time youallare spending outdoors, running, playing or reading. Too much TV or iPhone action “displaces your time so that you’re not able to...do more positive things,” she says.

And of course, it’s important for a child to know how to entertain themselves without screens and to behave well without screens.

What to start doing? Eat dinner together every day or as many days as you can, she says. “It’s a family habit that is closely tied to good outcomes for kids. It has less to do with the actual act of eating and more to do with sitting down with the family.”

3. Hiding the treats

Sounds counterproductive, right? But if you hide treats, kids will find them. When they do, goodbye, complete package of Oreos. So instead of hiding the bad stuff until your children find them and gorge, replace the processed, fatty junk with better treats — and put them in a place where kids can help themselves.

“Control the environment,” says Tallmadge. “Stock your home with really delicious healthy food.” That could include chocolate dipped strawberries placed on a low shelf in the fridge. Or any chocolate dipped fruit. Try apples dipped in peanut butter, then rolled in granola. “Make healthy but tasty foods that are grabable for children,” she says. They might not even miss the Oreos. Yes, that’s a good thing for you, too.

4. Ordering, directing, correcting

Every time we order, correct, and direct our kids with phrases like “It’s time to clean your room,” “Get your elbows off the table!” or “Just try one bite of asparagus,” we set ourselves up for a power struggle, says Amy McCready, founder of PositiveParentingSolutions.com and author of “If I Have to Tell You One More Time.”

“Like anyone else, kids dislike being bossed around, and they tell us so with eye-rolling, back talk, negotiating, or ignoring us completely,” she says.

Instead of barking orders at our children, try to get them to cooperate. Try “I’m slammed with work tonight. Anything you can do to help with the dinner dishes would really make a difference for me.”

Or, McCready says, shift the focus to problem solving: “I’ve noticed we’ve had difficulty getting out the door in time for the bus. Let’s brainstorm ways we can improve our morning routine.”

Sure they’re kids and you’re the parent. Some ordering, correcting and directing will always be necessary. But try to make that only about 30 percent of your communication and that “will go a long way towards engaging cooperation and a more peaceful home in 2014.”

5. Skipping breakfast yourself

It’s easy to put their breakfast in front of them as you get ready in the morning and just throw something in your mouth on the way to work. But children model what they see. Will they be getting the right nutrition if they eat how or what you eat? Didn’t think so. Set an example by eating breakfast every morning, Tallmadge says. It will help all of you if you keep it interesting: a peanut butter sandwich with yogurt and fruit. Whole grain pancakes. Cereal and yogurt. Oatmeal with nuts and fruit. Or even a slice of leftover pizza (yes, that’s Tallmadge approved). Your good eating habits will feed their good eating habits, just like your good exercising (um, “playing”) will encourage their good health.

6. Just sending them on their way

We’ve all had quite a few days together. So don’t just send the kids out the door as vacation ends, as you would if they had been in school yesterday.

“As a goodbye on the first day back to school or work, be sure to smile and tell your child that even though you won’t be together (or you’ll miss each other) today, you’ll still be thinking about him and you know he’ll be thinking about you,” says Beth Griffith, a D.C. -based child and adult psychotherapist.

After a long break from school, one that included lots of overstimulation, fun and major changes in routines, children who tend to be anxious may have a tough time transitioning back and separating from their parents.

Think about it: It’s hard even for many of us adults to return to our early wakeups, deadlines, jobs and schedules.

“When one’s parent isn’t beside her, a child has to find a place in her mind where she can recall a picture of mom or dad,” Griffith says. “Simply verbalizing that can help both parent and child manage the missing and can reassure your child that you’ll be internally there even if not physically present.”

Helping your child to internalize loved ones and to use language to help think about and understand those feelings “are two of the most crucial developmental coping skills you can help your child gain,” she says. “Plus you’ll be sending the message that you’re confident in his ability to use those coping skills.”

假如你想让孩子好好吃饭，那你自己就不要不吃早餐啦！（是的，我们正盯着你呢。）

我们做父母的，得到过很多忠告。很多很多。然而现在不是让专家告诉我们什么该做，而是什么不该做了。

所以下面有几点：父母需立刻停止做的六件事。

1.“锻炼”

你必须树立榜样，积极活动身体，凯瑟琳•塔尔梅奇说，她是营养学家和《简单饮食》的作者。但不要逼迫孩子去“锻炼”，听起来（感觉）像是做零工。相反，和他们一起玩。赋予它乐趣：打篮球，捉迷藏或躲猫猫。在操场加入他们的队伍。和邻居的孩子一起设计一个游戏。跳起来。一起打游戏。

他们锻炼了，你也锻炼了。但是他们和你都得到了乐趣。

2.依赖屏幕

你肯定听了一万遍了。屏幕时间“对孩子的智力及社交能力的学习和成长不是个好方式”，全国儿童医疗中心的一名儿科医师李•比尔斯说，“稍微看一些是好的。那是我们世界的一部分。但是当看屏幕占据生活的大部分时间时”，你应该意识到有点太多了。

孩子的屏幕时间越多，你们在户外跑步、玩耍或阅读的时间就越少。看电视或玩手机的时间太长，将“占用你的时间，那你就没办法做更多积极的事情了，”她说。

当然，孩子知道在没有屏幕的情况下怎样自娱自乐、好好表现是非常重要的。

怎样开始呢？每天或者尽可能多抽出日子一起吃晚饭，她说。“这是个家庭习惯，与孩子的健康成长密切相关。更有作用的不是吃饭这一行为，而是与家人坐在一起的氛围。”

3.藏起好东西

听起来会产生不良结果，对吗？但是如果你把好东西藏起来，孩子们会找到的。等他们找到了，一会工夫，一包奥利奥就被消灭了。所以，不要藏一些不健康的食品，孩子找到了会狼吞虎咽的。用一些健康食品代替那些加工过的容易发胖的垃圾，放在一个孩子可以好好享用的地方。

“控制环境”，塔尔梅奇说，“在家里备好真正美味而健康的事物。”包括在冰箱里的矮架子上放些蘸草莓巧克力，或是蘸任何水果的巧克力。尝试用苹果蘸点花生酱，然后卷到燕麦卷里。“做点吸引孩子的健康且美味的食物。”她说。他们可能甚至连奥利奥都不会错过了。是的，那对你也是件好事。

4.命令、指导、纠正

每一次我们用一些诸如“你该打扫房间了，”“把胳膊肘移开桌子！”或者“吃点芦笋，”等等的话来命令、纠正和指导孩子时，我们会把自己设定到一种权力竞争的情境中，艾米•麦克里迪说，她是“积极的教养方法”网站的创立者，是《如果我必须再告诉你一遍》的作者。

“像其他人一样，孩子也不喜欢被颐指气使，他们用翻白眼、顶嘴、讨价还价或者直接完全忽略我们的方式来告诉我们这一点，”她说。

不要对孩子们厉声命令，试着让他们跟我们合作。尝试说出“今晚我被工作忙得喘不过来气，你要是能帮我分担点家务，真的能产生很大的不同。”

或者，麦克里迪说，把焦点转移到解决问题上去：“我发现咱们很难及时出门赶上公交车。我们讨论一下，想办法完善早晨的时间表。”

当然他们是孩子，你是父母。一些命令、纠正和指导是很必要的。但是尽量让那些只占你们交流方式的30%，“2014年，父母和孩子相互合作，实现更加和睦的家庭，还有很长的路要走。”

5.自己不吃早饭

早晨，你很容易就会把准备好的早餐放在孩子面前，自己呢，就随便往嘴里塞些东西，边吃边去上班。但是孩子们会模仿他们看到的事物。如果孩子像你那样吃早餐，他们会得到该有的营养吗？我觉得不会。树立榜样，每天早晨吃早餐，塔尔梅奇说。假如你把早餐变得有乐趣，对你和孩子都好：夹奶酪和水果的花生酱三明治，全麦煎饼，麦片和酸奶，搭配坚果和水果的燕麦粥，或者即使一小片吃剩的披萨（是的，那是塔尔梅奇认可的）。你良好的饮食习惯会培养出孩子们好的饮食习惯，正如你好好锻炼（呃，“玩”）会鼓励他们好好锻炼一样。

6.只是让他们自己离开

我们一起度过了一段不短的时间。所以当假期结束孩子返校时，不要像他们平时上学时那样，只是把孩子打发出门。

“第一天返校或者工作时，告别要确保面带微笑，告诉孩子即使你们不在一起（或者你们互相想念），你仍然会一直想着他，而且你知道他也会一直想着你，”贝丝•格里菲斯说，她是华盛顿特区儿童和成人心理治疗师。

学校放假长时间的休息后，日常生活里会有一些非常刺激、有趣和重大的变化，这时孩子有焦虑情绪，他们要经历一段艰难的回归正常和与父母分别的过渡期。

思考一下：即使对我们很多成年人来说，回到每天早早起床、做事有截止期、忙于工作以及有日程安排的生活中也很困难。

“父母不在身边时，孩子不得不在内心寻找一块地方，来回想妈妈或爸爸的画面，”格里菲斯说，“简单地用语言表达出来，就会帮助父母和孩子克服心中的想念，而且还会让孩子相信，即使你人不在，内心还陪伴着他。”

帮助孩子把心爱的人放在心里，并且使用有助于思考和理解那些感觉的语言“是你能帮助孩子学会的两种最重要的启发式应对技能”，她说。“另外，你要发出一些信号，暗示你对孩子使用那些应对技能的能力非常有信心。”