It was the smell of rain that I missed the most and the sound of a lawnmower and the waft of cut grass. It was being out in the open and standing bare foot! Blue skies part and parcel of it all; the thunder that would blast over and leavethe coming of a tropical sundown, an evening of barbecues, of warm pools, beer splattering on concrete. The bed awaiting, a vest, a body glistening from perspiration and a sleep of pillows constantly changing sides, a mosquito in the ear. Sleepless nights that were all you knew. And then, one day I left it behind. I moved to a city, to grim faced pallid movements, and there I became with them a ghost on the sidewalks. Dimly, ambling along with my face down, watching my steps and hurrying towards my quotidian activities.
Winters I spent indoor in solace. My flat matesthe friends I hadworked day and night. They were accustomed to leaving the soul behind, the need for money was so official. I would spend nights in the strange house, with creaks of a wall I did not know, and sit by the phone that our landlord had locked, and think of conversations of the past, of my mothers voice ringing, of my best friend whom I would lose contact with, and I would write letters, letters I would never send, letters that clutched the truththat only I knew. I would cry, tears staining the ink, a smudged idea of love. I was temping then, doing mindless data entry, tapping words into a computer, and moving on wondering what worth there was, and how to find it. My flat mates would come home just before midnightMark and Craig, my two best friends. I would smile inwardly and outwardly and make them tea, a sandwich, sit with them and live their lives, hear their stories, flourish in company. Sleep would be eschewed, I yearned for comfort, and company eased the etching of loneliness.
I drank a lot, I had a job and I met people, and I continued my ambling in a city that was not mine. Every Friday my work offered free drinks and I catapulted towards the bar, I sipped 8)ferociously at the wine, the beer, I got horrifically drunk and so the person that I was not, but so yearned to be would come out. She, loud, vivacious, articulate would spend the evening conversing with strangers, laughing and sometimes, flirting! I seemed to step out of myself and watch in amazement. After drinks, I would stumble to the Palladium to meet Mark and Craigthey both worked there as ushers. I would arrive as they were finishing work and we would sit in the bar and I would continue, I would drink.
One night we fell drunk into the house. I lit a cigarette; I sat down and my mind triggered off dull thuds of depression. I went to the bathroom and in a mode of translucent mania I took out a razor blade and in numb motions slowly cut at my wrist, tears streaming down my face, I stopped as soon as I started, my aim was wrong-it was in the name of attention, except I would tell nobody, the attention was all to myself. Quietly, I wrapped my stinging arm with toilet paper, walked to my room and put on a jersey so as to cover the threat, the childish self abuse. I lay and quickly wiped my tears as I heard the friendly footsteps of Mark and Craig. They stood and bantered and eventually I followed them downstairs, and listened to Bob Marley, and Redemption song, my favorite songSold I to the merchant ships
And so, I stood on the tube, Dollis Hill to Marylebone and I stared at the scars on my wrist. The scars of stupidity that only I knew of, I was entranced, as though it were not meits never me. I swayed to the motion of the train, the city was corrupting me, my soul was slowly bitten, I wanted to yell out my mind, but it all seeped inwards, I was boring myself with my own pleas.
It got better, as it does get better, as you know no better and I sunk into my life, I slowly enjoyed its offerings, I adjusted to the climate, to the people and one day as I walked outside my new flatnot mine of course, but my temporary abode that I rented, as I took out the garbage on a autumn Saturdayin my pyjamas, with the TV and the glow of comfort, I looked at the grey, I sucked it in and I quite enjoyed itits romantic quality, its gloom appealed to me, as it would eventually with my nature. I liked it. I went inside, and shivereda content chill, I enjoyed the cold and the idea of being able to get warm and I lay on the couch with my toes under a cushion, an inane program keeping me entertained. It all grows on you.
I went home, eventually. I spent five months appreciating the beauty, the climate, the content natures surrounding me. I ate healthy food, I listened to a language I had forgotten about, I roamed on farms that were not mine, went to wine harvests, put on high factors to shield out the sun, spend days lamenting the heat. But, it was not time, I was unable to indulge as the city, London, was still with me, my love and loathing relationship was still continuing, I was still meant to be there, whether unhappy or not. I could not explain it, its not the city I suppose, its me-I need to be content. I left, I left what I love so much, no great epiphany, just not at that moment. One day home will come to me, or I will go to home and I await the knowledge in peace.
牛津实用英语语法:82 连接性关系从句
牛津实用英语语法:91 表示时间的介词:from,since,for,during
牛津实用英语语法:92 表示时间的介词to,till/until
牛津实用英语语法:127 may用来表示许可
牛津实用英语语法:96 介词与形容词、分词连用
牛津实用英语语法:102 主动语态形式一览表
牛津实用英语语法:120 had better+不带to的不定式
牛津实用英语语法 75指物的限定性关系从句
牛津实用英语语法:68 you,one和they作不定代词
牛津实用英语语法:128 can用来表示许可
牛津实用英语语法:125 do用做助动词
牛津实用英语语法:98 介词后的动名词
牛津实用英语语法 63所有格形容词的一致关系及用法
牛津实用英语语法:114 be+不定式
牛津实用英语语法 83 what(关系代词)和which(连接关系词)
牛津实用英语语法
牛津实用英语语法:106 助动词及情态动词
牛津实用英语语法:87 介词的位置
牛津实用英语语法:101 主动态动词的主要变化
牛津实用英语语法:100 动词的分类
牛津实用英语语法:121 have+宾语+现在分词
牛津实用英语语法:132 may/might表示可能
牛津实用英语语法 58 what的用法
牛津实用英语语法:113 构成各种时态的形式及用法
牛津实用英语语法:94 at,in; in,into; on,onto
牛津实用英语语法:103 各种时态的否定形式
牛津实用英语语法:99 介词/副词
牛津实用英语语法 71 myself,himself,herself等词用做强调代词
牛津实用英语语法 78非限定性关系从句
牛津实用英语语法:105 否定疑问式
不限 |
英语教案 |
英语课件 |
英语试题 |
不限 |
不限 |
上册 |
下册 |
不限 |