You want to know whats the matter with me, do yer?
My! aint men blindern moles?
It aint nothin new, be sure o that.
Why, ef youd had eyes youd ha seed
Me changin under your very nose,
Each day a little diffrent.
But you never see nothin, you dont.
Dont touch me, Jake,
Dont you darst to touch me,
I aint in no humour.
Thats whats come over me;
Jest a change clear through.
You lay still, anll tell yer,
Ive had it on my mind to tell yer
Fer some time.
Its a strain livin a lie from mornin till night,
Anm goin to put an end to it right now.
An dont make any mistake about one thing,
When I married yer I loved yer.
Why, your voice ud make
Me go hot and cold all over,
An your kisses most stopped my heart from beatin.
Lord! I was a silly fool.
But thats the way twas.
Well, I married yer
An thought Heavn was comin
To set on the door-step.
Heavn didnt do no settin,
Though the first year warnt so bad.
The babys fever threw you off some, I guess,
An then I took her death real hard,
An a mopey wife kind o disgusts a man.
I aint blamin yer exactly.
But thats how twas.
Do lay quiet,
I know Im slow, but its harder to say n I thought.
There come a time when I got to be
More wife agin than mother.
The mother part was sort of a waste
When we didnt have no other child.
But youd got used ter lots o things,
An you was all took up with the farm.
Manys the time Ive laid awake
Watchin the moon go clear through the elm-tree,
Out o sight.
Id foller yer around like a dog,
An set in the chair youd ben settin in,
Jest to feel its arms around me,
So longs I didnt have yours.
It preyed on me, I guess,
Longin and longin
While you was busy all day, and snorin all night.
Yes, I know youre wide awake now,
But now aint then,
An I guess youll think diffrent
When Im done.
Do you mind the day you went to Hadrock?
I didnt want to stay home for reasons,
But you said someone d have to be here
Cause Elmer was comin to see t th telephone.
An you never see why I was so set on goin with yer,
Our married life hadnt ben any great shakes,
Still marriage is marriage, an I was raised God-fearin.
But, Lord, you didnt notice nothin,
An Elmer hangin around all Winter!
Twas a lovely mornin.
The apple-trees was jest elegant
With their blossoms all flared out,
An there warnt a cloud in the sky.
You went, you wouldnt pay no tention to what I said,
An I heard the Ford chuggin for most a mile,
The air was so still.
Then Elmer come.
Its no use your frettin, Jake,
Ill tell you all about it.
I know what Im doin,
An whats worse, I know what I done.
Elmer fixed th telephone in about two minits,
An he didnt seem in no hurry to go,
An I dont know as I wanted him to go either,
I was awful mad at your not takin me with yer,
An I was tired o wishin and wishin
An gittin no comfort.
I guess it aint necessary to tell yer all the things.
He stayed to dinner,
An he helped me do the dishes,
An he said a home was a fine thing,
An I said dishes warnt a home
Nor yet the room theyre in.
He said a lot o things,
An I fended him off at first,
But he got talkin all around me,
Clost up to the things Id ben thinkin,
Whats the use o me goin on, Jake,
You know.
He got all he wanted,
An I give it to him,
An whats more, Im glad!
I aint dead, anyway,
An somebody thinks Im somethin.
Keep away, Jake,
You can kill me to-morrer if you want to,
But Im goin to have my say.
Funny thing! Guess I aint made to hold a man.
Elmer aint ben here for morn two months.
I dont want to pretend nothin,
Mebbe if hed ben lately
I shouldnt have told yer.
Ill go away in the mornin, o course.
What you want the light fer?
I dont look no diffrent.
Aint the moon bright enough
To look at a woman thats deceived yer by?
Dont, Jake, dont, you cant love me now!
It aint a question of forgiveness.
Why! Id be thinkin Elmer evry minute;
It aint decent.
Oh, my God! It aint decent any more either way!
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