AmyLowell:Reaping

You want to know whats the matter with me, do yer?

My! aint men blindern moles?

It aint nothin new, be sure o that.

Why, ef youd had eyes youd ha seed

Me changin under your very nose,

Each day a little diffrent.

But you never see nothin, you dont.

Dont touch me, Jake,

Dont you darst to touch me,

I aint in no humour.

Thats whats come over me;

Jest a change clear through.

You lay still, anll tell yer,

Ive had it on my mind to tell yer

Fer some time.

Its a strain livin a lie from mornin till night,

Anm goin to put an end to it right now.

An dont make any mistake about one thing,

When I married yer I loved yer.

Why, your voice ud make

Me go hot and cold all over,

An your kisses most stopped my heart from beatin.

Lord! I was a silly fool.

But thats the way twas.

Well, I married yer

An thought Heavn was comin

To set on the door-step.

Heavn didnt do no settin,

Though the first year warnt so bad.

The babys fever threw you off some, I guess,

An then I took her death real hard,

An a mopey wife kind o disgusts a man.

I aint blamin yer exactly.

But thats how twas.

Do lay quiet,

I know Im slow, but its harder to say n I thought.

There come a time when I got to be

More wife agin than mother.

The mother part was sort of a waste

When we didnt have no other child.

But youd got used ter lots o things,

An you was all took up with the farm.

Manys the time Ive laid awake

Watchin the moon go clear through the elm-tree,

Out o sight.

Id foller yer around like a dog,

An set in the chair youd ben settin in,

Jest to feel its arms around me,

So longs I didnt have yours.

It preyed on me, I guess,

Longin and longin

While you was busy all day, and snorin all night.

Yes, I know youre wide awake now,

But now aint then,

An I guess youll think diffrent

When Im done.

Do you mind the day you went to Hadrock?

I didnt want to stay home for reasons,

But you said someone d have to be here

Cause Elmer was comin to see t th telephone.

An you never see why I was so set on goin with yer,

Our married life hadnt ben any great shakes,

Still marriage is marriage, an I was raised God-fearin.

But, Lord, you didnt notice nothin,

An Elmer hangin around all Winter!

Twas a lovely mornin.

The apple-trees was jest elegant

With their blossoms all flared out,

An there warnt a cloud in the sky.

You went, you wouldnt pay no tention to what I said,

An I heard the Ford chuggin for most a mile,

The air was so still.

Then Elmer come.

Its no use your frettin, Jake,

Ill tell you all about it.

I know what Im doin,

An whats worse, I know what I done.

Elmer fixed th telephone in about two minits,

An he didnt seem in no hurry to go,

An I dont know as I wanted him to go either,

I was awful mad at your not takin me with yer,

An I was tired o wishin and wishin

An gittin no comfort.

I guess it aint necessary to tell yer all the things.

He stayed to dinner,

An he helped me do the dishes,

An he said a home was a fine thing,

An I said dishes warnt a home

Nor yet the room theyre in.

He said a lot o things,

An I fended him off at first,

But he got talkin all around me,

Clost up to the things Id ben thinkin,

Whats the use o me goin on, Jake,

You know.

He got all he wanted,

An I give it to him,

An whats more, Im glad!

I aint dead, anyway,

An somebody thinks Im somethin.

Keep away, Jake,

You can kill me to-morrer if you want to,

But Im goin to have my say.

Funny thing! Guess I aint made to hold a man.

Elmer aint ben here for morn two months.

I dont want to pretend nothin,

Mebbe if hed ben lately

I shouldnt have told yer.

Ill go away in the mornin, o course.

What you want the light fer?

I dont look no diffrent.

Aint the moon bright enough

To look at a woman thats deceived yer by?

Dont, Jake, dont, you cant love me now!

It aint a question of forgiveness.

Why! Id be thinkin Elmer evry minute;

It aint decent.

Oh, my God! It aint decent any more either way!