作文题一: Is memory a help or a hindrance in helping us learn from the past and succeed in the future?
学生习作1:
On the thesis, one may have doubt since not all the memories are sweet. But I insist that even the bad ones can offer help. For instance, during my winter vacation in Junior, I lost a cell phone that I had used for more than two years. That was the day before the Spring Festival, the most important festival for reunion in China. I was in a good mood at that time because I was going to shoot some photos with my aunt. There were many people in the store. 3I felt a little crowded. It was the time when we were choosing the frames that my cell phone was stolen. Too late did I realize the unfortunate fact. (营造记忆)
Afterwards, whenever I was in public, I paid extra attention to my personal possession such as my purse and mp4. Therefore, I havent lost any other things till now. I learned to be extremely careful from the horrible memory. (营造收获)
分析:
1 during强调延续性,in强调一段时间里发生了一件事。所以此处应该改成in.
2 文章采取倒叙手法,所以在2处感觉有一点奇怪,刚刚还是东西被盗,后来心情又好了。
3 不能是你觉得挤,只能是that place was a little crowded
4 文章的深刻度不够,处于4-5分的水平,要拿更好的分数,还得在深刻性上下功夫。个人例子特别适合以情动人。
修改:
In my winter vacation in Junior, I went to shoot some photos with my aunt since the most important festival in China, namely, the Spring Festival was approaching. But the photo studio was full of people choosing clothes and making up. It was in such disorder that I lost my cell phone which I had used for two years. This unhappy event almost ruined my once-in-a-year celebration for I could hardly contact my friends and my teachers to have a get-together because I had never backed up their phone numbers before. (营造悲惨记忆)
So I began to, from that moment, form a habit of writing down the information of my friends and relatives on my notebook to ensure safety. And up to now, I have got my special address list, with my own notes attached to many numbers showing their relationship with me, their birthday and even their favorite food. For example, Lily, a confidant, likes bananas, born on May 1; Adam is just a fair-weather friend. Interestingly enough, now I find that I could not only recite most important numbers but also strengthened my ties with my true friends. (深化收获)
国际英语资讯:2nd LD Writethru: Trump says to nominate Chad Wolf to formally lead Department of Homeland S
国际英语资讯:Trump sending federal officers to Kenosha, Wisconsin to address unrest
春雪
非正式场合中,怎样做自我介绍?
国内英语资讯:Xi Focus: How will China shape its development strategy for new stage?
每日一词 ∣ 科技抗疫 combat COVID
国内英语资讯:Chinese FM calls for joint efforts with Italy in planning future development of ties
2021年柏林电影节将颁发"中性奖项"
每日一词∣扩大内需 expand domestic demand
国内英语资讯:News Analysis: China proposes more solid measures for Lancang-Mekong Cooperation amid global
飞机上感染新冠肺炎的几率有多大?专家:比你想象的小
安倍创连续执政新纪录
美国死亡谷气温高达54.4摄氏度,全球最高
麦莉·赛勒斯与男友分手
放风筝
国际英语资讯:Israel-UAE deal has potential to change regional dynamics: UN envoy
我家的小狗
国际英语资讯:Sudan, Ethiopia reiterate commitment to AU-sponsored Nile dam talks
国内英语资讯:China opposes U.S. military aircraft trespass in no-fly zone
国际英语资讯:Thai authority warns social media giants of breaching law
国际英语资讯:EUs Borrell to present options for solving disputes in East Med
国际英语资讯:Libyas UN-backed govt accuses eastern-based army of killing, arresting civilians in Sirt
应对疫情冲击 日本新干线乘客海鲜一起运
虚惊一场
桔子
NASA将使用足球场大小的气球研究恒星
国际英语资讯:German FM calls on Greece, Turkey to discuss natural gas dispute
观灯
国际英语资讯:UN agency urges LatAm to guarantee universal internet access to overcome COVID-19 impact
My College Life 我的大学生活
不限 |
英语教案 |
英语课件 |
英语试题 |
不限 |
不限 |
上册 |
下册 |
不限 |