SAT作文批改实例讲解(四)

　　Akira Kurosawas film masterpiece Rashomon portrays several people who have witnessed a death. As each observer recounts the event as he or she witnessed it, we come to realize that each persons story varies greatly from every other account. Watching the movie, we reflect that the truth of an experienceand perhaps all truthis different for each person.

　　Assignment: What is your opinion of the claim that truth is not objective, but rather is determined by each individual? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

　　习作修改

　　学生习作(第一段)

　　语言修改

　　Great confidence is often put into what people see or hear. In a court, a judge will listen to witnesses and regard their words as evidence. However, is it possible that what we take in by eyes or ears, in another word, what we regard as truth, are not objective?

　　Great confidence is often put into what people see or hear. In a court, a judge will listen to witnesses and regard their words as evidence. Is it possible that what we see and hear, or what we regard as the truth, is not objective?

　　本段评点

　　这个开头避免了许多习作简单重复题目的缺点。而且举出了法庭审讯这个场景，然后提出了一个问题，这两个手段都能激发读者阅读的兴趣，而且显得与众不同。

　　学生习作(第二段)

　　语言修改

　　This is a case concerning two characters, Heathcliff and Cathy, in the novel Wutherring Heights by Emily Bronte. Heathcliff took his departure after his eavesdropping Cathys dialogue with another woman. He heard part of the dialogue, in which Cathy appeared to be so vain that she regarded marriage with Heathcliff as adjective. From Heathcliffs angle, we truly recount the event as he did and feel sorry for him from bottom of our hearts. But look at the other side of the story: Cathy was expressing her love for him, despite their difference in social status. Here, we come to realize that Cathys love for him was real and deep. From this example we know that things differs from various vision angle.

　　This is a case concerning two characters, Heathcliff and Cathy, in the novel Wutherring Heights by Emily Bronte. Heathcliff left after he heard Cathy speaking with another woman about her disdain toward marrying him. From Heathcliffs point of view, we truly feel sorry for him. But from the other side of the coin, Cathy was actually expressing her love for him despite their different social status. Here, we come to realize that Cathys love for him was real and deep. From this example we can see that not everyone views things the same.

　　本段评点

　　这个例子与第一段要说明的问题稍稍有些偏差。作者要证明的论点是人们所见所闻的事实可能是客观的吗，而这个例子得出的结论是不同的角度看待问题得出的结果会是不一样的。改后稿把最后一句改成从这个例子可以看出每个人对以同样的眼光来看待事情，这样说和论点贴得更近一些。